Would you date someone who’d been in prison?

[Fearlesssloth]

Sorry for keeping this vague but don’t want it to be too identifying. I’ve been very casually seeing a guy who I met recently through friends. Although I’ve only known him a few months, a number of my friends have know him since school. He got out of prison not that long ago. He was in for quite a few years. Without going into too much detail, his crime has to do with drugs and associating with some dodgy people. There was no violence involved and he was barely an adult when he was convicted. He’s genuinely a lovely guy and it’s clear he has some trauma from his time in prison. It’s clear he’s done his best to get his life back on track, doesn’t do drugs or drink anymore, and is working full-time. I feel a little conflicted about the prison thing though for various reasons. Would you date someone who’d done a long sentence if the crime wasn’t directly violent? And before anyone says this - yes I know he probably indirectly caused a lot of violence through what he was doing at the time but I’m talking about his specific crime

Maybe.

Has he got a good job, a car, and somewhere nice to live? Because those are the basics in a potential boyfriend for me, with or without a record.

@Fearlesssloth do you live near Stockport?

I’m genuinely curious, how would someone having been in prison affect house insurance? I can’t think of a question that they ask that would change it.

Come now, don’t be a hypocrite! If you were so sure yourself that people deserve second chances you wouldn’t have started this thread.

It depends really what it was for and what they were like now.
I would take it very slow if you decide to date him. Yoh need to understand who he is now, his plans for his life and if they are all phe in the sky dreams or if he has seriously decided to live the kind of life you want.
Some people never change but some people were just in thw wrong place at the wrong time and young and stupid.

Do you actually think you can do this for any man you hardly know and as yet has posed no risk to you?
you can’t

No.

Multiple reasons.
My values/ethics are stronger than his - I believe in doing the right thing. I don’t always live up to that, but at least I try.
He was stupid enough to disregard the law, and/or think he wouldn’t be caught.
He might have ruined lives - drug dealing isn’t a victimless crime.
What prospects has he got now?
What example would he set to children?
I’m worth more than an ex-con ex-drug dealer.
I’m not a support human. No one should be guilted into supporting some random just because of an abstract belief in rehabilitation. I don’t care if that sounds cold. I’m not here to support idiots getting back on their feet.

That's a lot of hostility you have there. No one's asking you to be a support human, your baggage is speaking.

I did…….he was inside for 9 months 20 years earlier for GBH….that should have told me everything I needed to know…but typical me learnt the hard way….please please call it a day…your older self will thank you my lovely x

Do you know exactly what he was sent to prison for and for exactly how long?
Is he out on licence and being supervised by probation?
Is he giving you the full story or is he trying to minimise what happened?

It is the fact that this was a recent sentence that would concern me. I was a drugs worker for quite a few years and we had a couple of people on the team who had prior convictions but they were from years ago and they had long proved that they had turned their lives around. For me it would be the the fact that offence was not long ago that would make me wary.

No baggage here, just never would have dated someone who had been in prison. We can all write off people for any reason we like.

You obviously can date whoever you want, but it is hubris of the highest order to think that the only reason this man went to prison and you didn’t is because your “values/ethics are stronger than his”. Young people from certain backgrounds have a much higher chance of getting involved in criminality, and it’s not because they’re morally inferior. There but for the grace of God etc…

Absolutely not. The pool is surely not a puddle?

Perhaps. My first answer was no, but on reflection, everyone should have the chance to turn their life around. I would be so so cautious though.

Fuck no. Given how easy it’s been for me to stay out of prison my whole life, I’d have no desire to get mixed up with someone who’d gone badly wrong enough to be sent there for any amount of time.

Yeah I would probs if theyve shown theyve moved on from that stage of their life!

Also I dont mean ANYONE in prison. I think its obvious which crimes you deem an immediate danger etc.

God, no!

Love this answer 😁

No I wouldn’t. To end up with a prison sentence someone either had to do something really awful once or they have a pattern of repeat crimes.

I wouldn’t be able to trust that in either circumstance they were re-habilitated enough that I wouldn’t want them around me and more importantly my daughter. So no that would be an immediate exclusion criteria for me.

Was he a pirate pretending to be in prison?
I don’t understand the relevance of the eye patch.

No baggage here

Of course not.

No.

No.
Been there, done that. Didn't end well.

No plus anyone who has been involved with drug dealing will have been involved by association with violence plus other crimes, maybe county lines, exploitation of children, prostitution, weapons dealing, money laundering. Even if he hasn’t he will know people that have.

Drop your saviour complex.