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Original poster

Would you date someone who’d been in prison?

258 replies

Fearlesssloth · 08/02/2026 19:57

Sorry for keeping this vague but don’t want it to be too identifying. I’ve been very casually seeing a guy who I met recently through friends. Although I’ve only known him a few months, a number of my friends have know him since school. He got out of prison not that long ago. He was in for quite a few years. Without going into too much detail, his crime has to do with drugs and associating with some dodgy people. There was no violence involved and he was barely an adult when he was convicted. He’s genuinely a lovely guy and it’s clear he has some trauma from his time in prison. It’s clear he’s done his best to get his life back on track, doesn’t do drugs or drink anymore, and is working full-time. I feel a little conflicted about the prison thing though for various reasons. Would you date someone who’d done a long sentence if the crime wasn’t directly violent? And before anyone says this - yes I know he probably indirectly caused a lot of violence through what he was doing at the time but I’m talking about his specific crime

OP posts:
Pepperedpickles · 08/02/2026 20:15

Nope. Absolute deal breaker for me.

Lavender14 · 08/02/2026 20:15

Out of prison not that long is actually the really worrying part in this. If he's not that long been released he'll be monitored, will maybe still have conditions attached to the release and that might include urine tests etc.

So lots of structure there to keep things on track.

That tells you nothing about how he'll cope when that all falls away, when he's facing more stress or challenges further down the line.

Some people are really good at doing well under certain circumstances and some eventually start to self destruct because they struggle without chaos as a trauma response.

If he's relatively newly released then you really are only seeing the tip of the ice berg of his recovery and to be honest it probably wouldn't be good for him to be dating anyone either while he works on himself.

You could end up taking on unhelpful responsibility for him that would be a nightmare for you both if the relationship started to falter.

How long has he actually been released. I think a lot of programmes advise no dating for at least a year.

mycosyredwooltoque · 08/02/2026 20:17

No. Just no.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 08/02/2026 20:18

No. There’s millions of people to choose from. Give yourself the best odds to start with.

TigTails · 08/02/2026 20:19

No, I can do better for myself, and so can you.

Spinnertakesitall · 08/02/2026 20:19

Not a recent release no, he'll be institutionalised. Years and years ago, maybe, depending on the offence. Not if I had kids in the mix though.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 08/02/2026 20:20

Barge and pole spring to mind.

Favouritefruits · 08/02/2026 20:21

I would but I’d keep things low key and very casual for quite a while. I’m a firm believer in rehabilitation and recovery people can change, not all do mind. If he’s done his time, has regret and managed to get a job and his life back on track why shouldn’t he deserve a chance?

Growlybear83 · 08/02/2026 20:21

If I thought he had turned things round, then yes, I would.

ImWearingPantaloons · 08/02/2026 20:21

No

Jibbee · 08/02/2026 20:21

Straight no

ladyamy · 08/02/2026 20:21

If you don’t have kids, go for it. Every saint has a past and all that.

Jellybunny56 · 08/02/2026 20:22

I think for me it would really depend on the specifics of it all, the person, the age, the circumstances, how things are now etc.

In my line of work I’ve seen a lot of genuinely nice young people who ended up in a really shitty situation and did what all they had to do at the time to survive. I don’t think that makes them fundamentally bad people, just a person who made a bad choice and having done their time, if they’ve made changes and seen the error, lots of those people go on to live totally normal happy lives.

So I suppose my probably unhelpful answer is it depends. I’d be more inclined to date someone who at say 18/19 was in need of cash, no family support, fell into a bad crowd and bad decisions and has truly come through the other side having done the punishment and done the work than I would someone at 35 who started selling drugs to fund a lifestyle they wanted but couldn’t afford.

Even then though it depends on the long term impact. I’ve seen people come out of prison, rehabilitate into society, cope really well and never look back. I’ve also seen people come out of prison, struggle to rejoin society and fall back into old patterns. If he’s recently been released its too soon to know which category he is going to fall into and I’d argue depending on how recent he likely is not in a great place to start a healthy relationship now or for awhile anyway.

NotThatSerious · 08/02/2026 20:22

No.

also I have never known a “non violent” drug dealer

Original poster
Fearlesssloth · 08/02/2026 20:22

IvyEvolveFree · 08/02/2026 20:07

No. Is the dating pool this bad in 2026 we’re genuinely giving this consideration?!

It’s really not about the “dating pool”. I have no problem getting a date. I didn’t end up with this guy because I’m desperate to be with someone or I couldn’t get anyone else! We got to know each other super slow while hanging out with our mutual friends. One of my good friends went to school with him and I’ve known about his existence for many years but never met him in person (because he was in prison). So I’m also not just getting the info about his crime and what kind of person he is just from him, also from our friends who’ve known him a long time. I find your comment a bit sad, that people seem to believe once bad = always bad, and don’t seem to believe in second chances. It’s no wonder ex-cons have such a hard time getting a job and being accepted by society. He regrets his crime massively. I don’t believe people who are a product of their environment & fuck up early in life because of that shouldn’t be given a second chance once they’ve paid for what they did.

OP posts:
OpalPeer · 08/02/2026 20:23

I’m a Police Officer…so no! If it was drugs related but a long stretch it’s likely to be supplying them. As a PP said, there’s still victims at the end of a drugs related crime.

I have seen people come out of prison and completely turn their lives around; it’s not impossible. There are many factors at play though.

shuffleofftobuffalo · 08/02/2026 20:23

He may be lovely etc, but I wouldn’t get involved with someone who’d been in prison.

Original poster
Fearlesssloth · 08/02/2026 20:24

Jellybunny56 · 08/02/2026 20:22

I think for me it would really depend on the specifics of it all, the person, the age, the circumstances, how things are now etc.

In my line of work I’ve seen a lot of genuinely nice young people who ended up in a really shitty situation and did what all they had to do at the time to survive. I don’t think that makes them fundamentally bad people, just a person who made a bad choice and having done their time, if they’ve made changes and seen the error, lots of those people go on to live totally normal happy lives.

So I suppose my probably unhelpful answer is it depends. I’d be more inclined to date someone who at say 18/19 was in need of cash, no family support, fell into a bad crowd and bad decisions and has truly come through the other side having done the punishment and done the work than I would someone at 35 who started selling drugs to fund a lifestyle they wanted but couldn’t afford.

Even then though it depends on the long term impact. I’ve seen people come out of prison, rehabilitate into society, cope really well and never look back. I’ve also seen people come out of prison, struggle to rejoin society and fall back into old patterns. If he’s recently been released its too soon to know which category he is going to fall into and I’d argue depending on how recent he likely is not in a great place to start a healthy relationship now or for awhile anyway.

Thank you. This is helpful advice

OP posts:
Zoraflora · 08/02/2026 20:26

If he was barely an adult when he was convicted & spent a considerable length of time in prison I would think he is probably quite immature/ inexperienced in a lot of ways as he would have missed out on a lot in his early adult years.

If he has trauma he will need to deal with that as it will affect him in some way or another.

I would also worry about his previous life and the people he may have associated with. Will they start reappearing now that he is out of prison.

Everyone deserves a second chance but Im not sure if i could take a chance with some much baggage. If you have children it would definitely be a no.

GoldbergVariations · 08/02/2026 20:26

Absolutely not. Wake up and stop it.

It's very hard to get sent to prison nowadays, and he was in for a long time, even though his youth will have been taken into account when sentencing.

Why would you want this? Things can be hard enough without inviting this into your life.

Missj25 · 08/02/2026 20:27

Fearlesssloth · 08/02/2026 19:57

Sorry for keeping this vague but don’t want it to be too identifying. I’ve been very casually seeing a guy who I met recently through friends. Although I’ve only known him a few months, a number of my friends have know him since school. He got out of prison not that long ago. He was in for quite a few years. Without going into too much detail, his crime has to do with drugs and associating with some dodgy people. There was no violence involved and he was barely an adult when he was convicted. He’s genuinely a lovely guy and it’s clear he has some trauma from his time in prison. It’s clear he’s done his best to get his life back on track, doesn’t do drugs or drink anymore, and is working full-time. I feel a little conflicted about the prison thing though for various reasons. Would you date someone who’d done a long sentence if the crime wasn’t directly violent? And before anyone says this - yes I know he probably indirectly caused a lot of violence through what he was doing at the time but I’m talking about his specific crime

No I would never enter into a relationship with someone not long out of prison .
I hope he stays on the straight & narrow , but to be honest you've no idea if he’s not long out what direction his life will go in .
I’d give this one a miss OP .

Original poster
Fearlesssloth · 08/02/2026 20:29

Lavender14 · 08/02/2026 20:15

Out of prison not that long is actually the really worrying part in this. If he's not that long been released he'll be monitored, will maybe still have conditions attached to the release and that might include urine tests etc.

So lots of structure there to keep things on track.

That tells you nothing about how he'll cope when that all falls away, when he's facing more stress or challenges further down the line.

Some people are really good at doing well under certain circumstances and some eventually start to self destruct because they struggle without chaos as a trauma response.

If he's relatively newly released then you really are only seeing the tip of the ice berg of his recovery and to be honest it probably wouldn't be good for him to be dating anyone either while he works on himself.

You could end up taking on unhelpful responsibility for him that would be a nightmare for you both if the relationship started to falter.

How long has he actually been released. I think a lot of programmes advise no dating for at least a year.

Yeah it hasn’t been that long. This is one of the biggest things putting me off. He’s got loads of support from family & friends though. He’s definitely not the type to want me to look after him or anything like that. He seems super aware of being any kind of burden or looking like he can’t take care of himself.

OP posts:
AngelinaFibres · 08/02/2026 20:30

IvyEvolveFree · 08/02/2026 20:07

No. Is the dating pool this bad in 2026 we’re genuinely giving this consideration?!

This. Why do women on here set the bloody bar so low
Are you someone with ' saviour complex' who likes to rescue people.

Eviebeans · 08/02/2026 20:31

From what you’ve said it sounds like he has spent a long time in prison (do you actually know how long?) and has only been out for a relatively short amount of time
Be careful that he doesn’t become too dependent on being with you - even his friends who introduced you have no idea how he currently is outside of the protective environment of prison

Kingdomofsleep · 08/02/2026 20:32

Fearlesssloth · 08/02/2026 20:22

It’s really not about the “dating pool”. I have no problem getting a date. I didn’t end up with this guy because I’m desperate to be with someone or I couldn’t get anyone else! We got to know each other super slow while hanging out with our mutual friends. One of my good friends went to school with him and I’ve known about his existence for many years but never met him in person (because he was in prison). So I’m also not just getting the info about his crime and what kind of person he is just from him, also from our friends who’ve known him a long time. I find your comment a bit sad, that people seem to believe once bad = always bad, and don’t seem to believe in second chances. It’s no wonder ex-cons have such a hard time getting a job and being accepted by society. He regrets his crime massively. I don’t believe people who are a product of their environment & fuck up early in life because of that shouldn’t be given a second chance once they’ve paid for what they did.

Show quote history

It’s no wonder ex-cons have such a hard time getting a job and being accepted by society.

Can you really, honestly, not see a difference between offering a man a job and getting into a relationship with him?!

You should be much, much more selective with who you'd date than who you'd employ/hire for a job.