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Would you date someone who’d been in prison?

258 replies

Fearlesssloth · 08/02/2026 19:57

Sorry for keeping this vague but don’t want it to be too identifying. I’ve been very casually seeing a guy who I met recently through friends. Although I’ve only known him a few months, a number of my friends have know him since school. He got out of prison not that long ago. He was in for quite a few years. Without going into too much detail, his crime has to do with drugs and associating with some dodgy people. There was no violence involved and he was barely an adult when he was convicted. He’s genuinely a lovely guy and it’s clear he has some trauma from his time in prison. It’s clear he’s done his best to get his life back on track, doesn’t do drugs or drink anymore, and is working full-time. I feel a little conflicted about the prison thing though for various reasons. Would you date someone who’d done a long sentence if the crime wasn’t directly violent? And before anyone says this - yes I know he probably indirectly caused a lot of violence through what he was doing at the time but I’m talking about his specific crime

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 09/02/2026 20:35

Notquitethetruth · 09/02/2026 12:42

You could at least have done @Fearlesssloth the courtesy of reading her first post where she clearly states he is working full time.
Good luck @Fearlesssloth

Apologies @Fearlesssloth

SnuggleReal · 09/02/2026 20:43

Fearlesssloth · 09/02/2026 09:29

I’m sure you’re grown enough to know that relationships, who you’re attracted to, and who you fall for are far more complicated than that.

At some point the head has to over rule the heart. Would I bring this person into my children's lives even if I were very drawn to them? No. Their safety comes first.

Ownedbykitties · 09/02/2026 23:13

No. Definitely not.

EricTheHalfASleeve · 09/02/2026 23:31

Have you established exactly what he was convicted of?

For a multiple year sentence it must have been major drug dealing so he will have been associating with very dangerous people and highly likely to be using street drugs. He may not have been convicted of a violent offence but will definitely have been working with or for very violent people and probably children who have been groomed as well.

Can he change? Maybe. Far too early to tell. You'd be very foolish to start a relationship with him at this point in time. Maybe 10 years in the future if he's stayed clean and held down a job.

PrettyPickle · 27/02/2026 14:52

Yes, and I have. He was a young lad at school, not fairing well in the education system and he went AWOL. He got into alcohol and drugs. Long story short, he ended up in prison at 19 for burglary, one in a long line of many to fund his habit.

He came out, got a truly crappy basic wage job after trying for two years which is when I met him (this is a long time ago), at night school and he was honest about his struggles and told my Mum about his past voluntarily. She told him straight up he gets a chance, but any sign of betraying the trust and he was gone. My mum called him a rough diamond who would go one way or the other big time. When he left prison, he stayed away from the "wrong crowd" no matter how they tried to suck him back in, and they did. It was really tough for him but he had support and a lot of ex cons do not.

He ended up getting a degree and holds down a good job now and he had more than paid his dues. But that period of his life has come back to haunt him so many times, in his personal and work life.

I still know him now as a good if distant friend and he has made one hell of a Dad.

If you have kids, you should wait a while to introduce any partner to them and this is particularly important with people with records as you need to ensure they do not glorify their criminality, any sign of that and off they go!

In my mind, judge a person on who they are when you meet them and how honest they are about their criminal past. I think this is particularly important with those who have broken the law in their teens. For me there would be certain exceptions, like child abuse, rape, battering OAPs etc. I believe in giving people 2nd chances but informed 2nd chances.

Newyearawaits · 27/02/2026 15:53

PrettyPickle · 27/02/2026 14:52

Yes, and I have. He was a young lad at school, not fairing well in the education system and he went AWOL. He got into alcohol and drugs. Long story short, he ended up in prison at 19 for burglary, one in a long line of many to fund his habit.

He came out, got a truly crappy basic wage job after trying for two years which is when I met him (this is a long time ago), at night school and he was honest about his struggles and told my Mum about his past voluntarily. She told him straight up he gets a chance, but any sign of betraying the trust and he was gone. My mum called him a rough diamond who would go one way or the other big time. When he left prison, he stayed away from the "wrong crowd" no matter how they tried to suck him back in, and they did. It was really tough for him but he had support and a lot of ex cons do not.

He ended up getting a degree and holds down a good job now and he had more than paid his dues. But that period of his life has come back to haunt him so many times, in his personal and work life.

I still know him now as a good if distant friend and he has made one hell of a Dad.

If you have kids, you should wait a while to introduce any partner to them and this is particularly important with people with records as you need to ensure they do not glorify their criminality, any sign of that and off they go!

In my mind, judge a person on who they are when you meet them and how honest they are about their criminal past. I think this is particularly important with those who have broken the law in their teens. For me there would be certain exceptions, like child abuse, rape, battering OAPs etc. I believe in giving people 2nd chances but informed 2nd chances.

Wonderful advice and post
Thank you
Yes, people can turn their lives around

Empress13 · 05/03/2026 05:30

@Fearlesssloth are you still seeing him? What did you decide to do?

runningonberocca · 05/03/2026 09:55

No. And you don’t get a long sentence for minor drugs offences or having a few dodgy mates. He was either significantly involved in the drugs trade or there was violence/weapons involved. Prisoners also tend to be released early on licence if at all possible as the prisons are so overcrowded so the fact that he wasn’t and served a long sentence indicates concerns re his risk on release. Don’t consider it.

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