Do you do these things for your guests?

[Loyaltotheoil]

Hi there! Just wondering, if you were hosting guests (family or close friends) for a few days, would you do these things?

• Hanging and folding their laundry
• Baking things they requested aside from the 3 meals a day (for example making crepes or baking a cake if they requested it for a snack)
• Buttering their toast, or would you just put everything on the table for them to do?

Thank you!

Wait! Is he sitting at your table, texting his mammy in her house to say he wants pancakes, then his mammy texts you to say baby wants pancakes?

I’ve had tons of people stay over decades:

• I offer them food, including buttering toast. Though I may put butter and spreads on the table and let them serve themselves. I expect them to muck in and offer to help cook or clear up (as my guests always have).
• If they requested/expected I make them specific snacks (has never happened) I’d say they’re welcome to make it themselves.
• If they were staying a while and had laundry, I’d expect them to ask if they could do it themselves.

Good grief! He got his mum to speak to you? Isn’t he embarrassed he’s a 28 year old man who asks his mum to communicate for him. I’ve had 8 year olds staying at my home who don’t do that. They’d ask me.

And then the mum agrees to message you on his behalf?! Does she not want her son to be an independent adult? How did you respond? I’d simply reply: ‘Have explained he can ask me directly and is welcome to make his own snacks’.

What does your partner say? If this is typical behaviour for his family, suggest you consider the potential implications and set clear boundaries. IME, men who’ve been infantilised by their mother often assume their partner should be the same, especially once they have children. Remember, you’re both equally responsible for household chores and childcare.

Oh how he sounds awful! I can’t imagine th circumstances where I’d be folding a guest’s laundry. Maybe only if they were a new sleep deprived mum and I was helping but typically I haven’t had guests do any laundry and if the did I would just provide access- I definitely wouldn’t be ironing!

Wouldnt be making very specific snacks. I don’t do that for myself either. I would have some nice biscuits or bought cakes in.

I might butter a guest’s toast. But more likely a child rather than adult. Usually I’d show them the bread/toaster.

After previous visit/s and his unbelievable expectations he wouldn’t be a guest in my home. Expecting to have his toast buttered….on yr bike🙄

OP - you should text father in law and ask him to tell mother in law to stop texting you about his lazy, ungrateful son’s demands.

There's no lock on the washing machine, but no way am doing it for them.

I'd buy in stuff they liked. Obviously wouldn't butter toast. Ridiculous.

Stop hosting him. He’s rude!!

Even if he was at a restaurant the server isn’t going to butter his toast!!

You shouldn’t be washing his clothes at all!! He shouldn’t stay long enough to require the use of the washing machine!!

Also - wtf have you been baking for him?!?

You have a husband problem if he allows you to be treated like shit. Have the conversation now, or you'll never get rid of BIL.

Is he now? I'd keep my eye on that if I were you.

But when close family stay like this, you're doing them a favour, they're not guests who require 'hosting' as such. He should be helping you out not the other way around. Cooking dinner or buying a takeaway, washing up, doing his own laundry etc, as well as being clean and tidy so you're not picking up after him.

But it definitely sounds like he's used to his DM doing everything for him and he's now expecting the nearest convenient woman to follow in her footsteps. Time for his expectations to be managed.

It’s not your family! It’s his family!! If he wants his family to visit then he needs to do everything for them!!

My in-laws are European/Asian (mostly Asian) and the men wash dishes and cook food when we eat together.

My own partner does his own laundry. I sometimes wash his clothes and help with sometimes puts mine in the dryer and folds them. But I’m not responsible for ensuring his comfort or the comfort of his family.

I would never wash my brother in laws dirty clothes. I would show him how to use the washing machine and dryer.

You shouldn’t be hosting at all!! When overseas relatives stay they always stay in either a hotel or an Airbnb.

None. Unless you were my grandchild.

The next thing you should do for him is pack his bag. Lazy, spoilt, arsehole!!

I would have so much fun with this.

I’m laughing now. 😂

He actually sounds a little sinister to me. Make sure your dh knows exactly what has gone on and don't have him to stay unless he is also going to be home.

Tell him to pack his diamond slippers and find a house share where he can make his own pancakes.
The cheeky little shit.

Does he want you to wipe his arse for him too?

What a lazy bastard. Tell him to fuck off.

Are you and they white British? This set up would make me guess they at least are traditional south Asian.

I’d bake a sugar free cake with added laxatives 😈.

Actually scrap that… I’d put the laxatives in all his food and if he questions it then say the water bill has increased so you aren’t washing your have as frequently as before.

Once the food starts poisoning him then hopefully he’ll skedaddle!

He’s not a guest.

He’s an enabled bully.

As an unwanted lodger who isn’t paying - I’d return him to sender. Text his mother saying - please advise BIL he needs to return home as I’m shutting up shop.

My usual response is - unless the task requires the specific use of a penis it is a gender neutral task and should be done by anyone. On that basis don’t do another thing for this person. Any complaints from the whole enmeshed family - say he has a home and this isn’t it.

Your husband wouldn’t do it. Why should you? Are you lesser because you’re a woman?

I might butter their toast if it wasn't a meal time, if I was just making us a snack and didnt want to get butter out to put on the table but that would be the exception.
I might as a pp said put their laundry in with my own if I was doing it anyway.

Cake, hm. I love baking and love having guests which makes this one a bit ambiguous. I certainly wouldn't give in to a rude demand! But if it was a friend who I loved and I had the time and was in the mood I might bake for them coming over.
Your BIL is a dick. And I'd definitely not do any of the above if I were pregnant! Or if it weren't my guest but my partners'! Or if they were rude and demanding.

Ha! I've met this attitude. It's the main man is away so I'm next in power, one.
I agree with pp's response - What did your last slave die of?
Another is, "Who died and made you king/my husband/child?"

Tell him to fuck off! Genuinely…just tell him!

I dont do guests. I hate people in my home, its my sanctuary

and for the other shit? Fuck me, butter their toast🤦🏼‍♀️