Do you do these things for your guests?

[Loyaltotheoil]

Hi there! Just wondering, if you were hosting guests (family or close friends) for a few days, would you do these things?

• Hanging and folding their laundry
• Baking things they requested aside from the 3 meals a day (for example making crepes or baking a cake if they requested it for a snack)
• Buttering their toast, or would you just put everything on the table for them to do?

Thank you!

Are you south Asian? It's all very similar to some baby man children in my family and their enabling mums
I can't believe you'd make pancakes just because MIL texted. You must have issues with DH then? Otherwise he would be fuming at his brother for asking this of you and roping MIL in

I wouldn't blame it on anything. Just tell the truth. He's a appallingly rude individual who is about to get kicked out of your home for disgraceful behaviour.

You once actually buttered his toast?

And he complained?

Is "buttering toast" some euphemism for some dodgy sexual activity?

I can't imagine why he'd fall out with someone.......

5* hotels charge for laundry and food (beyond the standard breakfast items), and expect you to butter your own toast.

I'm completely confused as to why you haven't just laughed at these requests.

You can't be serious that his mother actually texts them to you?
My reply would be - if you (MiL) want to treat him like a 3 year old, then I suggest he comes back and lives with you. Whilst he is under this roof he is expected to behave like an adult.

This is beyond depressing. Why are young women still in servitude to men in 2026?

Tell your BIL he needs tp fuck off home. And if your DH objects, divorce him,

There's your answer, then. Fall out with him (on the grounds that he's a lazy, entitled, sexist arse) and say you don't want him in the house.

Nooooooo!

I don't even fold my own laundry 🤣

He's gonna be in your house for years.

To discourage this, I'd recommend doing NO 'hosting' from the get-go. Leave his bedlinen in a pile on top of the bed. Don't offer or bring him drinks, etc. Don't wake him up, make his breakfast or anything. Instruct him to clean up after himself.

Tell him bad guests don't deserve good hosts. If he's stupid enough to ask, methodically explain all the ways he is a bad guest, all his demands, not helping around the home, rudeness and treating you like a personal slave.

Do NOT, under any circumstances, replace his mother.

The weapon of an Eastern European woman is a frying pan. A pancake pan is the best choice. Just some food for thought. After this information, does he still want pancakes?

No none of those things. I’m generous though so I’d buy everything they would want to eat. But no way bake a cake on request. Unless one of my children then I’d do anything

Ah ok just read the updates. The pan would be over the head. I’m aware I shouldnt think of violence but I cannae help it

I know you said your DH wasn’t around at the time. But once home, he should be telling his brother that if he wants to stay he
needs to start being polite & helpful to you.

If your DH won’t stand up for you then you have a bigger problem,

1. I've never had someone stay long enough to do laundry. If I did, I'd say they were very welcome to use the washing machine but they would handle that themselves (mostly because they'd want to)

1. It would be really cheeky for a guest to request home baking

1. Nope, wouldnt butter toast. We usually just do bacon sandwiches if people want them and put some croissants and fruit juice on the table for people to pick at

He sounds like an entitled man-baby. Presumably he thinks women are just there to look after the family menfolk. Is that what his family are like? Absolutely unbelievable to expect you to wait on him, especially while pregnant! Cheeky fucker.

For any guest, they would be welcome to use my washing machine or to make themselves toast. The cake-baking - literally only if it was my daughter or my mum requesting something they particularly liked. I wouldn’t even do it for DP.

Tell lazy BIL that he is welcome to have at the machine or toast and butter himself. And a definite no to cakes on request!

Be breezy and firm, eg:
“If you need to wash anything, BIL, you’re welcome to use the machine after I’ve finished. Laundry liquid is in the cupboard above.”
Cheerful firm voice:
“You’re very welcome to help yourself to toast, BIL - I’ll leave you to butter it how you like it best”.
Pleasant yet cheerful:
“Oh, sorry - I have SO much to do today, I don’t think I can fit in any baking. But it would be lovely if you would like to get a cake for everyone for tea: there is a wonderful bakery down the road at X location, which you could stop by later? Thanks, BIL!”

Very much so. @Loyaltotheoil also has a big problem if she accepts proxy demands from her MIL.

"MIL, you are BIL's mother. I cannot possibly replace you in his life, and you shouldn't be asking me to."

"As I've said before, it would be wrong of me to act as BIl's mother. He already has a mum!"

... insinuate that, by doing what he expects, you'd be usurping her in her darling boy's affections. This is important because, if you serve him, she'll reach that conclusion herself and there will be (even more) hell to pay. Best in every way to head it off from the beginning. You can't say this directly, but you sure can plant the idea and show how much you care about her motherly status!

I think this is the craziest thing I’ve read on MN I’d never say never to one or some of those things on the list for a guest.. but for a BIL like him and under these circumstances absolutely fecking not!! Your MIL is also a CF and I think it’s time your DH had a stern word with them both.

OP, does your husband expect a similar level of servitude when he's home?

Just read the update about your MIL texting with instructions with my mouth hanging open - WTF? I would simply ignore the texts. Unbelievable.

He sounds like a rude little shit to you and your DH shouldn’t be letting him stay if he treats you like that!

If he fell out with his dad, he doesn't actually get along so well with everyone else, but even if he did, it doesn't prevent him from being a jerk to you. No, you shouldn't wait on him hand and foot. The next time his mother says he wants something, I'd either refuse outright or (if feeling generous) tell her to make herself at home and do it for him herself!

ETA: Realised that she's asking telling you to do things through texts. Just a simple 'NO' will do, then. I wouldn't make things too comfortable for him, as it will only encourage him to stay longer. He shouldn't be asking you to baby him. You're not his mum.

Is there a cultural element here? As I’m not understanding why you would tolerate this!

Oooh, matron! 🤣

Absolutely not! Are they asking you to wipe their arse for them too?