Do you do these things for your guests?

[Loyaltotheoil]

Hi there! Just wondering, if you were hosting guests (family or close friends) for a few days, would you do these things?

• Hanging and folding their laundry
• Baking things they requested aside from the 3 meals a day (for example making crepes or baking a cake if they requested it for a snack)
• Buttering their toast, or would you just put everything on the table for them to do?

Thank you!

OP, please do not do anything for your BIL. If he asks you can show home where all the ingredients are and where the washing machine is.
Your husband can’t be ignorant to what is going on. Why is he letting this happen? Don’t respond to messages from your MIL.
I have been married over 40 years and if a guest had been rude to me in any of that time, my husband would have shown them the door.

So, what are you replying to him?
What are you replying to your MIL?

Where is your husband in all of this?

Hi OP.
I suspect out of loyalty you haven't mentioned your DH role.
But has he reacted to any of this behaviour?
Or commented on it when it happens in front of him..
Or is he working long hours and isn't really around when it happens.

A lot depends on his reaction. Does he agree or disagree with this treatment or is he ignoring it to "keep the peace". I can understand that in a way whilst you were both living there but not now when you are in your own home.

Why are you having a child with a man who has allowed you to be so abused?

Contact Women's aid.
This is domestic abuse.

You sound so vulnerable.

How could you think any of this is normal?
I presume you don't have any family?

If you do, you should go to them.
They are awful people.

Just no

don’t do any of it and ask him when he’s leaving

@Loyaltotheoil does your DH treat you well? What has his reaction been to your in-laws being so awful to you? How is your relationship?

Since the OP’s repeatedly not answered the question about her husband, it does sound as if he’s on his family’s side not hers. I hope that’s wrong.

MIL sounds dreadful and clearly doesn’t like you.

What is your DH’s view on how she and BIL treat you (and maybe also FIL - or is he better given he’s told BIL to sling his hook?), given you have a child (is it your first?) on the way? Your DH should be making it clear to his family that you aren’t a skivvy to help them. If he’s not, he’s not putting you (and your family unit) ahead of his family. That isn’t good.

I’d grey rock them until/unless they can have some respect for you. Do you have support from your own family?

Well you'd hope that knowing how his brother treats Op he wouldn't have had him to stay.

He’s fallen out with his dad? Doesn’t mean he gets to stay with you and he certainly shouldn’t be demanding that you make anything for him specifically. Get your DH on board and kick him out.

OP, just seen your update. If you think this is a cultural issue, I think, where I in your shoes, I would be inclined to say 'OK, I know you might have expectations around what women do in the home, but just to remind you, I'm not from the same culture as you, and in my culture, we don't do those things. While we're doing you a favour and letting you stay with us after your fall-out with your dad, I won't be making special snacks and meals just for you and I won't be buttering your toast for you. It's not personal, but it's just not what we do in this house.'