Do you do these things for your guests?

[Loyaltotheoil]

Hi there! Just wondering, if you were hosting guests (family or close friends) for a few days, would you do these things?

• Hanging and folding their laundry
• Baking things they requested aside from the 3 meals a day (for example making crepes or baking a cake if they requested it for a snack)
• Buttering their toast, or would you just put everything on the table for them to do?

Thank you!

Would you? Text that to your husband’s mother? Actually? In real life?

If i "wanted" to make them toast, yes i'd butter.

If i was doing a wash and they asked nicely, yes id wash, hang and fold and leave on the side.

No to baking etc, unless i was already doing for the family.

We have guests here every single month and if one of them, from those in their 60's down to their 20's, EXPECTED me to do anything for them, they would be laughed at, told where to go and never welcomed here again, and that would be me being polite, as for my DH? he would tear strips off them.

If they were staying more than a couple of days I’d offer use of washing machine, but unless they had some relevant disability or were ill and needed help I wouldn’t be involved with their clothes.

I would probably make a snack requested but not on a daily basis. I’d probably think to myself that they should offer to make it for the host.

No I buttered toast for toddlers but not since.

After reading update I’m sure he doesn’t have respect for you. I hope he leaves soon. Please say no to laundry and toast, think of it as practice for what you will put up with when you have your baby.

This has traditional South Asian family written all over it, sorry if I'm wrong OP

This is insanely rude behaviour. I'd insist my DH sits him down with me to read him the riot act the misogynistic twat. If you are putting him up he should be helping you out. Prick.

Nonsense, I've never stayed in a 5 or 6 star hotel where they butter my toast!

I wouldn't necessarily expect them to do any laundry. Most people just bring enough clothes for their stay? I've never had one ask to use washing machine. So no I wouldn't do anything with their laundry not would I expect there to be any.

I wouldn't butter someone else's toast as I don't know how much they like.

I would make a cake but only because I like doing it. But I'd probably already done so in anticipation for a guest staying. So if they requested a second one I'd be a bit surprised.

Crepes? Well pancakes yeah. I wouldn't mind that being one of our meals but not as an additional snack. I'd tell them they can make their own as addition to meals but I wouldn't exactly encourage it. As I don't really like people cooking in my kitchen, without them just being my helper, iyswim.

This has to be cultural and there seems to be evidence that you went along with their ways when living with them for eight months. I am wondering if that was rent free? Do you work @Loyaltotheoil.

To me it sounds inapproproate and not something I woukd expect. When bil fell out with his papa, why was there an assumption you and you and your DH would put him up? Do you live independently in a property for which you have saved up and bought or rent through the open market. If not, arrangements do tend to come with strings attached

When MIL's texts were received, I'd have automatically written back:

The butter dish is on the table and he has a butter knife - please ask him to make sure he does not leave crumbs in the butter.

His laundry is his responsibility; if he doesn't want to deal with it, this drycleaner also does shirts/general laundry.

If he wants pancakes/cake, there is a nice cafe down the road. I am already providing three meals.

If, he has any further requests, please ask him to speak to me directly, as he is living under our roof, where our domestic practices apply. If he wants more, there are half a dozen estate agents in town who deal with rentals.

See you soon, love op.

I would text back, 'How lovely, he'll be around to yours in a minute to enjoy the pancakes you make!'

Weve had a very long term guest - over 12 months.
Washing Every one in the house does the washing. Im happy to wash, pegg out and dry, fold and put their washing in their room when I do mine. They do the same for me.
Buttering toast if I had offered to make toast for everyone, yes. I mean I would t sit at the table and butter for them, but if I was in the kitchen making a load of toast then fair enough.
No guest has ever requested me to make them anything. If anything they have offered to have tea ready for when we've got home from work and they've also baked amazing cakes for family birthdays.

Your BIL is nasty.
My guest us also a family member and will be here for at least another 9 months but is respectful, helpful and tries to stay out the way ( they dont need to)
How bloody rude of both him and mil re pancakes. Sending a bloody text.
I seriously would have either not replied or if I was in a mood to said something like 'tell him the kitchens free if he wants to make them now.'

wow, OP, this is nuts.
This is YOUR house and therefore YOUR rules.

In these circumstances I would 100% not being doing any of what he has asked.
reply to MIL's texts - in my house he eats what I serve or makes it himself.

when BIL is rude to you, reply with, this is my home, I will not be disrespected in my home, speak to me courteously, or leave.

when asked about washing - the machine is there, you are welcome to use it.

breakfast/toast etc - help yourself to breakfast. No I will not be making it for you.

Every time he is rude/disrespectful, pull him up on it. He needs to learn that he doesn't speak to people that way. If he doesn't like it, leave.

If your dh doesn't like any of that, then time to talk to him too. Is he really happy that his family is so rud eot his wife?

Me too, I let my toast cool before buttering so I don't get melted butter everywhere! We're all different.

Ask him whether he wants his toast triangular, cut into little soldiers, or bunny bear shapes - and if he wants you to play the "aeroplane game' with him too and "open wide!"
Oh then laugh at him and tell him to get to feck 😂
That'd have been my reaction.
With an innocent "oh sorry, were you serious?!" 😁

What would happen if you said no to any of BIL’s orders? I assume that you are from a different (male dominated) culture to have to put up with this.

BiL would be wearing that buttered toast if he was so rude to me! Aren’t you tempted to ‘accidently’ drop a hot pancake into his lap to teach him some manners?

what is all still fresh?

you would actually butter an adult's toast for them?

If it’s my parents or in laws yes but they don’t ask for these things I do them because I love them and they take care of my kids. Like I know FIL likes a chocolate sones so I’ll make them when he’s round watching the kids (not right now tho MIL has put him on a diet). Sometimes will make a cake for my brothers but only sometimes because even though I love them they’re still my siblings and I remember them terrorising me as a child. If a guest asked me for something like this and we weren’t immediate family or very close friends I probably wouldn’t.

No to all.
I'd offer to help with washing if it was for a week or two, longer than that they can sort it themselves. If he's being a pig to you absolutely no way in hell!
And his mum is telling you he wants pancakes? Great, tell her that you'll have some too whilst he's making them.

Have you explained all this to your husband? The rudeness? Tell him and your BIL that if he doesn't start respecting you immediately then he will be leaving.

So you are actually doing him a favour by letting him stay with you. He is not a guest for pleasure. He should be doing things for himself if he wants them and on ocasions cooking a meal for you to help out. And as for getting his mum to text you that is absolutely pathetic.

How is that your problem? He's a grown man.

To be honest, I wouldn't consider him a 'guest' in the sense that you didn't actually invite him. He's a 'guest' only in the sense that he doesn't usually live with you, if that makes sense. He isn't someone you've invited to come and stay for a break - he's someone who has had a row with his dad and is staying with you as a favour. He should be the one offering to help you with things as a thank you for staying with you, not the other way round!

Christ, what ludicrous behaviour. Both he and your mother-in-law really need to fuck off. 'BIL wants pancakes' would get the response 'Then you're welcome to come and collect him and take him back to yours to make him some pancakes, because that's the only way he's going to get them while he's living at my house' from me.

He’s a sexist abusive pig!!! He treats women like shit in private so you can see what he’s like with his wife/gf! Maybe he hasn’t got one which will be obvious now why!!

tell him no and put him in his place and if he doesn’t apologise and behave then tell him to bloody leave!!!

you would actually butter an adult's toast for them?

If I was in the kitchen making a load of toast for everyone to help themselves to as a snack ,yes. If they were nearby and we were just chatting as the bread is toasting then no.

Its not fixed in stone what I would do.

Ive had my guest hand me toast and jam when they've made some for themselves and shouted through to me to see if I wanted some making.

I certainly wouldn't butter someone's toast on demand like the Little Lord Fauntleroy the OP has been lumbered with.

I can't imagine a situation where I would butter someone's toast. Maybe if they're 5yo and / or have a depleted supply of functioning hands or fingers, I would consider it.

What is your husband’s stance on this?
Does he know how bil treats you?
Does he condone this?
If not, would he support you?