Do you do these things for your guests?

[Loyaltotheoil]

Hi there! Just wondering, if you were hosting guests (family or close friends) for a few days, would you do these things?

• Hanging and folding their laundry
• Baking things they requested aside from the 3 meals a day (for example making crepes or baking a cake if they requested it for a snack)
• Buttering their toast, or would you just put everything on the table for them to do?

Thank you!

No, definitely not. I mean sometimes if we are making breakfast for everyone, we will do a whole pile of toast and put in on a serving plate on the table with a big pan of scrambled eggs on the cooker for everyone to help themselves. But I wouldn’t butter anyone’s individual toast.

I would do these things for adult children probably, but they aren’t house guests per se.

Tell him if he wants waited on he should book a hotel.

He won’t get that service there either. LOL

What he seems to be wanting is nursing home care.

I’d tell him where he can stick his toast (not to mention his clean clothes).

Is he perhaps used to having a woman (his mother?) doing everything for him and doesn’t realise it’s not the norm? Or do you actually do these things for your DH? Reassure us you don’t butter your DH's toast for him…

Does your DH know how rude his brother is being to you and that his mum is enabling this by expecting you to wait on him hand and foot?

It was bad enough when the whole family treated you like a servant when you lived with them for a while but this is continuing in your own home.

If you DH condones and excuses his mum's and brother's hideous behaviour towards you, I'd be re-thinking my marriage.

So he's basically a family lodger. You need to talk to your DH about your BiL's rudeness, and also stop doing anything for your BiL.

It's not YOU!!!!!

Practice your best tinkle-y laugh and saying “what did your last slave die of” and “I’m your SIL not your maid, make it/do it yourself” for next time.

When your MIL texts you text back something like “he knows where the milk, eggs and flour live - get him to make some for me too” or “I give him permission to make them
in the kitchen, remind him to clean the pan after? Thanks! Xx”

what a rude sod! Sorry he’s such douche

I'd totally ignore texts from his DM if he isn't verbalising this on the spot (!)

And have the phrase up your sleeve, for both of them, 'That's not how it works round here, plus the '2 choices that work for you' approach, such as:
'If you're hungry, help yourself to X or Y'

Your BIL is an entitled cheeky fucker. Yes, I'm afraid you have been a mug and enabled this, and you need to stop.

Why do his laundry? How long is he staying with you? I'd offer to do some laundry for someone if they were to be staying with me for any length of time, but only in with some of ours. I don't iron at all anyway even for my own family so would not do it for anyone else. I'd just give them their laundry back (folded). If anyone mentioned ironing they would be shown where the iron was (or the door perhaps) and told they were welcome to use it themselves.

If your BIL had ever asked me to do any of that list of stuff for him he would have been given very short shrift indeed.

Buttering his toast for him!! What the fuck!!!!? As far as I would be concerned he could a) make his own toast, and b) butter it himself too.

Stop being a mug. You aren't his servant. He'd not be welcome in my house again.

It makes me think he's an incel. They like to treat women like shit, especially women who are definitely not sexually available to them but are clearly sexually active (your pregnancy).

Tell your husband his brother is being demanding and rude to you, his heavily pregnant wife, and you want him to do something about it. Incels only listen to other men.

Are you from or have you married into a culture where women traditionally don't work and wait on the men hand and foot? And did you accept that as the price of living with your in laws when you got married?

What you are describing is outrageous for most of us, but completely normal in some traditional cultures. So you need to tackle it full on if you are going to change things.

Your BIL will not have been taught to do things for himself. Does your husband pull his weight or do you do his laundry and not mind doing it?

None of this will change without you tackling it head on and the starting point needs to be a discussion with your husband about the boundaries for BIL staying with you.

Absolutely not OP. They might get a cake if I was baking one same for pancakes but otherwise no.

I would show him where the washing machine is once or twice and how to use it once or twice or better still tell him where the nearest launderette is or text MIL to say BIL wants his washing done by you now. I don’t have the time or energy.

Also if you make it too pleasant or too easy for him to stay you will never get rid of him and you could find yourself changing babies nappy and basically wiping his bum. Does he work and contribute a fair amount to the household bills take a turn at putting the bins out and cleaning the bathroom, cooking, cleaning the kitchen, washing floors etc. If not get a rota going now.

Sounds like his Dad has the measure of BIL. You should take a leaf out of Dad's book.

MIL messages you saying what BIL wants to eat!! WHAT?!!! And you just take this? I'd tell her "if BIL wants X BIL can make himself X, and must wash up after himself too."

fucks sake OP, just tell him to do this stuff himself if he wants it. And tell your MIL to fuck off too.

He fell out with his dad and neither want to be in the same house

I would tell your husband that you don't want to be in the same house as his brother Reuther.

Next time your mother in law texts you saying 'pathetic child wants you to do pancakes, washing, ironing'

I would reply, 'please stop giving me instructions'.

Don't throw his clothes in with yours. Then he can't 'expect' you to iron it.

If he actually asks you himself for pancakes/washing, I would say no. I presume he has arms? He can mar his own as long as he clears up after himself.

I would be asking him to leave asap though-it clearly isn't working out. He's 26, does he have a job and can find somewhere of his own to live?

How did that come about? Did he just rock up, did MIL send him, did your DH invite him?

1. buttering toast would only be if I was serving up something on toast and I asked them if they wanted the toast buttered or not. If putting toast out on the table with various topping to choose then no (unless it was my young nephews in which case I would butter it)
2. ironing I wouldn’t do for my own clothes anyway so definitely no. I would put them in the laundry if needed though, probably just alongside my own things.
3. baking etc. Not upon request no but depending on the occasion may do baking/ make pancakes but it would be because I wanted to / my child had asked for it or something. Again though may be more willing for a young nephew.

Your BIL would be told to get fked. Grown man and he can't do make his own food, fold his own clothes or butter his own toast? Sounds like he needs a carer. Lazy, spoilt mummys boy. "Culture" will be thrown into it but just bc its been done that way for ages, doesn't mean it's right.

your brother in law is clearly used to be waited on. You should say no to him, sounds like he needs to learn if he wants to find a partner/ survive in the real world

With the exception of my mum and dad (dad has dementia) and mum needs a break as his carer, NO I absolutely would not , unless a toddler !

This must be a joke

Do all the following:

1. Tell your DH that the unmovable deadline for his brother leaving is a week today (that's a reasonable time to sort himself out).
2. Next time your MIL texts you with an instruction, respond: "I don't know why you are texting me instructions. Simon is in the house and can ask me directly himself. Although, just FYI, he is the rudest most entitled man I have met and I will not be doing anything beyond the huge thing I am already doing which is housing him."
3. Stand united with your DH and tell BIL that he has one week and in that time, he will treat you with gratitude and respect.

I worry for you what’s happened in your history that you wouldn’t have laughed in their face and told them all to fuck off and stop being so ridiculously sexist, you’re not their slave.

I hope your husband isn’t like this op otherwise you have a tough 20 years coming up.

here’s some phrases that a normal healthy person would have used
‘no, don’t be ridiculous’
‘That’s fine, eggs are on the side, please could I have a pancake too.’
‘no’
and from your dh ‘don’t you dare talk to or treat my wife like that, or you can pack your bags’
‘fuck off’
’if you would like to stay here any longer, note that I am not your slave and will no longer be waiting on you’
etc etc

I dont think he should stay with you. He’s rude and disrespectful. Being a guest is a privilege - dont have him in your home.

You need to kick your bil out immediately and tell him he is never allowed back. I would also message your mil and tell her what a dreadful mother she has been and that you need to go low contact from now on as you don't want your child to learn any of their ignorant ways.