Fiancé paid for topless/ nude pool in strip club

[Coppelia74]

My partner is younger than me and likes a drink. He went for a few drinks at a friend's house to watch football and said he'd get the bus home. I got a text after 8pm saying he'd missed the bus and would get a cab. .Turned up after 3am (I was asleep so unsure exactly when he returned). He was apologetic and said he stayed at his mates. What he didnt realise is that I found a cloakroom ticket in his bag saying date and time- the night in question. I asked again the next day....looked me in the eye when I asked if he only went to his friend's. He went sniffling upstairs saying he couldn't stand the silence. I followed and shoved the ticket under his face. He started crying and said he went to the very strip club again that he swore he'd never return to a year or so ago. I went ballistic and cried and called him a sick little creep going there let alone on his own. Two days later I asked what happened. He played pool in the games room. Paid £200!!!!! Seems sketchy on the details and feigned ignorance when I mentioned Twister and the VIP toilet. 3 games of pool at 50 quid each for topless according to the website. He paid 200 which would be the cost for naked. Said he "just wanted to play pool and they said it had to be topless". What the hell else did he do? And why is it so expensive?! And why does he have amnesia over the VIP loo??! I feel sick just looking at him. Always emphasises the no touch rule which I know is a load of crap in those dives. Plus extras at the right price. He went to another night club afterwards but paid entry and came straight out again. But until 3am???!! I now cant believe anything he says to me. So distraught. Still not over the first time. He used to go a lot apparently, back in the day. What to do?

Oh and by the way mine was also a quiet , shy guy. Salt of the earth people would have said. All that really meant is that he hid away his slimy behaviour.

Probably the same bloke lol

A mixture of emotional and practical. We've gone through a lot and he's been supportive much of the time, but he goes into meltdown when he has to deal with too many emotions that aren't his. I listen to him rant on but I sometimes feel like my views don't count and ge interrupts all the time.

I thought VIP toilet was taking coke! hahah oops.

What is permitted is permissible

if you stay with him you give him
permission to repeat and probably escalate this behaviour. Be your own best mate and don’t allow this in your life. You can do it

Wouldn't be at all surprised if that's a factor in those places

Even if you don't mind the misogyny, that's still an awful lot of lying. And the explanations he gave you once he knew the lies didn't work probably show that he's either an idiot or thinks you are and wants to take advantage of that. You said yourself you don't think you can ever trust him again, so unless you want to continue the relationship knowing he's doing whatever and lying to you about it, end it.

(Edited because I can't spell).

You see in my mind hedonistic escapism is walking along a golden beach in the warm sunshine, wearing a beautiful wafty dress, with a cocktail in my hand. It's not watching a sex worker wiggle her breasts over a pool table and nipping off for a private wank in a club toilet. Your partner is a grubby little creep. Your life could br so much better.

Ew is that what they do? He says he doesn't get aroused by them. Says he did when he was in his twenties and first went whenhe was single. Why the hell else would you go? He said he was in too much of a state to come home, yet he managed to make all those bad decisions AND play 2 games of pool and chat to some eastern European blokes.

Also , when he has sex with you he's thinking of her to get himself off. You've only been together 2 1/2 years. How can it be that you have become so reliant on him that you can't just chuck him out

You don't know that for sure. Even thougb it's said that 80% of blokes think of other people colleagues, famous people, women they've seen during the day.

It doesn't matter what I know or don't know. He's not in my bed/ life. He's in yours and you are worth so much more than this xx

I have told him he's a vile little creep. I've told him I can't forgive what he did. But now whenever I bring it up, he wants to stop talking about it and feels like he's under attack when I put my feelings across. Of course he's under attack! Maybe I thrive on shitty treatment because thats all I saw from my dad to my mum.

Leave leave leave.

He doesn't respect women. Can you live with that?

We're all products of/ affected by our childhood experiences but " the past is for reference, we don't live there". Your dad was horrible to your mum. It is not inevitable/ compulsory for you to accept the treatment your mum did . She may well have had fewer choices than you. You are not stuck with this.

You are in your 50’s. He is nearly 40

hes a cheating liar

why are you with him ?

He only wanted to play pool 😂😂😂😂 do men really think we are that daft?

Clearly. He said it's because he was out alone and didnt have a friend to play with.....not topless women at an exorbitant cost were the solution. Pffft

Self worth still high-ish.

Clearly not, as you’re still with him.

If I had to take my kit off for a load of jeering creeps I would have to question why I needed such validation.

They do it for money, not validation. The women aren’t the problem here. They aren’t the ones who are in a relationship with you.

I'm hoping their promo photos are edited because I can't see how they can all be cellulite free in their tacky cheesewire outfits.

And you think he’s the one missing the point?

You're judging the women here almost as much as you're judging your partner.

No need to do that. They aren't the problem. He is.

Why on earth you haven't left him is beyond me. Seriously, just walk away. It's a seriously toxic situation and you can't possibly be happy.

I do blame the women as he told them he had a fiancee and they still go in for the kill. So much for the sisterhood. It's also a fact that many sex workers have been abused in the past and in some warped way they think they're now in control. A friend of mine knows the guy who runs that place as she said hes a creep too. Must go with the territory.

You are worth more than this creep. It is better to be alone than with someone like him. He isn't going to change.

Do you think they care that clients are married? It is a job for them. Stop making excuses for him.

Only you can decide if you want to keep putting up with this shit OP.