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Fiancé paid for topless/ nude pool in strip club

213 replies

Coppelia74 · 27/01/2026 20:28

My partner is younger than me and likes a drink. He went for a few drinks at a friend's house to watch football and said he'd get the bus home. I got a text after 8pm saying he'd missed the bus and would get a cab. .Turned up after 3am (I was asleep so unsure exactly when he returned). He was apologetic and said he stayed at his mates. What he didnt realise is that I found a cloakroom ticket in his bag saying date and time- the night in question. I asked again the next day....looked me in the eye when I asked if he only went to his friend's. He went sniffling upstairs saying he couldn't stand the silence. I followed and shoved the ticket under his face. He started crying and said he went to the very strip club again that he swore he'd never return to a year or so ago. I went ballistic and cried and called him a sick little creep going there let alone on his own. Two days later I asked what happened. He played pool in the games room. Paid £200!!!!! Seems sketchy on the details and feigned ignorance when I mentioned Twister and the VIP toilet. 3 games of pool at 50 quid each for topless according to the website. He paid 200 which would be the cost for naked. Said he "just wanted to play pool and they said it had to be topless". What the hell else did he do? And why is it so expensive?! And why does he have amnesia over the VIP loo??! I feel sick just looking at him. Always emphasises the no touch rule which I know is a load of crap in those dives. Plus extras at the right price. He went to another night club afterwards but paid entry and came straight out again. But until 3am???!! I now cant believe anything he says to me. So distraught. Still not over the first time. He used to go a lot apparently, back in the day. What to do?

OP posts:
MylipstickiscalledHugMe · 02/02/2026 12:50

I'm really sorry for the loss you are grieving OP.

It seems that in order to cut the cord with this man (who is making your life worse) you need lots of good support to hold you.

What's the situation with friends, supportive family etc?

Coppelia74 · 02/02/2026 20:34

MylipstickiscalledHugMe · 02/02/2026 12:50

I'm really sorry for the loss you are grieving OP.

It seems that in order to cut the cord with this man (who is making your life worse) you need lots of good support to hold you.

What's the situation with friends, supportive family etc?

Luckily I have supportive friends.

OP posts:
Sohelpmegod25 · 02/02/2026 20:38

Fiancé??
thank god you’re not married
get rid of this creature

Coppelia74 · 13/02/2026 09:20

A question to Chatgpt gave me more info on the pool scenario. There can be more body contact apparently at the dancers discretion. Pffft. I got drunk and had another go at him and showed him the photos from that hellhole and demanded to know which other one he played with. He told me one was called Lola and she'd been there for at least 10 years from "back in the day". So he actually knows these women?! Like her name is really Lola....I never knew he liked the look of a young Donatella Versace. She told him her boibs were fake when he used to go. He had a private dance with her again " back in the day". He doesn't know I've posted on here. He still hasn't told his dad the reason we're having the worst time ever. Coward.

OP posts:
Pearlstillsinging · 13/02/2026 09:24

It would be the lying that made me finish this relationship.

Lennonjingles · 13/02/2026 09:27

I am sorry OP, do you really see a future with this man who lies, goes to clubs for whatever reason and obviously has been going for years, why does he need to go, if I wasn’t enough for my partner for them to need to go to these clubs, I’m sorry but I couldn’t stay with him. I really find it repulsive.

HopSpringsEternal · 13/02/2026 09:31

OP seriously your self esteem must be on the floor. I would one hundred prefer to be single than be anywhere near this sort of a twat.
I guarantee he will have sex with women probably for money if you stay.

Coppelia74 · 13/02/2026 09:34

It is repulsive. A dear friend of mine said that if it's something he used to do in his single days with mates or even like a lonely creep, I can't really judge as that was the past. But why he had to revisit is the biggest thing. We aren't intimate at the moment, largely due to my grief and also his lack of accountability and his drinking. Nobody wants a beer breath clumsy oafs attempt at seduction. It all used to be so tender. I was in a relationship when he charmed me away, so maybe I accept shit behaviour because I was a shitty person to leave a safe, if a bit mundane with no affection to speak of, relationship in favour of this bag of uncertainty. He says he loves me so much and only wants to be with me as long as he lives etc, but then don't crap on my fragile trust with more lies and selfish behaviour!!

OP posts:
Coppelia74 · 13/02/2026 09:42

Self worth still high-ish. I told him he's missing the point if he thinks I'm jealous if those women. If I had to take my kit off for a load of jeering creeps I would have to question why I needed such validation. I'm hoping their promo photos are edited because I can't see how they can all be cellulite free in their tacky cheesewire outfits. It does bother me from a body confidence aspect, but not who I am as a person, although I dont know who that is anymore at times. A mug.

OP posts:
Coppelia74 · 13/02/2026 09:45

He's not body confident either. But he's started eating less and says it's because of the arguments and worries. This is the man who thinks the men on Strictly shouldn't keep baring their chests!! Yet it's fine to pay women to do it?! I was so angry the other night I sat next to him and took my top off and said "Go on then! Give me 200 quid!"

OP posts:
Sidebeforeself · 13/02/2026 09:50

Why are you still with him then? Also have you had a sexual health check? When my ex confessed to his love of strip clubs it was accompanied by me finding out I had lice…

Coppelia74 · 13/02/2026 09:52

Sidebeforeself · 13/02/2026 09:50

Why are you still with him then? Also have you had a sexual health check? When my ex confessed to his love of strip clubs it was accompanied by me finding out I had lice…

Not yet. Too much else going on. Lice??! However close do they get?!

OP posts:
Lennonjingles · 13/02/2026 09:53

Coppelia74 · 13/02/2026 09:45

He's not body confident either. But he's started eating less and says it's because of the arguments and worries. This is the man who thinks the men on Strictly shouldn't keep baring their chests!! Yet it's fine to pay women to do it?! I was so angry the other night I sat next to him and took my top off and said "Go on then! Give me 200 quid!"

What was his reply. I must admit I would resort to doing this, just to see his reaction.

Coppelia74 · 13/02/2026 09:55

Lennonjingles · 13/02/2026 09:53

What was his reply. I must admit I would resort to doing this, just to see his reaction.

Edited

Asked me to put my top back on. We'd had too much to drink. I'd abstained for weeks but one glass lead to another. He went to bed eventually.

OP posts:
Sidebeforeself · 13/02/2026 09:56

Coppelia74 · 13/02/2026 09:52

Not yet. Too much else going on. Lice??! However close do they get?!

You really don’t believe that he never touched those women do you? Anyway dont delay with the health check. Hes already taken so much from you dont let him riddle you with God knows what too.

caringcarer · 13/02/2026 09:58

You have proof he cheated on you, bin him off. He's done this before and he'll do it again and again .... because you didn't dump him the first time he did it.

Coppelia74 · 13/02/2026 10:01

Sidebeforeself · 13/02/2026 09:56

You really don’t believe that he never touched those women do you? Anyway dont delay with the health check. Hes already taken so much from you dont let him riddle you with God knows what too.

I don't know. He said he didn't get a dance this time despite them pestering. Did your ex give full details of what actually goes on?

OP posts:
TalulahJP · 13/02/2026 10:02

ypu have mismatched sexdrives so it’s not going to get any better, he will always be like this.
sorry op but i too think it’s time to split up.

Coppelia74 · 13/02/2026 10:08

TalulahJP · 13/02/2026 10:02

ypu have mismatched sexdrives so it’s not going to get any better, he will always be like this.
sorry op but i too think it’s time to split up.

He says he doesn't really think about sex that often but he does miss our closeness. We always cuddle every night and he says he looks forward to that every day but I would want sex too if I hadn't been lied to.

OP posts:
WellErrr · 13/02/2026 10:13

You know that he does this and he’s not going to stop. So you either accept it as part of him and stay in the relationship but stop moaning about it, or you don’t accept it, and you leave. I know which I’d choose.

But it isn’t fair on either of you to carry on being totally outraged and dissecting every detail etc when you know fine well what he’s like.

I could never be with someone like this so I’d break up. You want to stay with him, but change him to your idea of what he should be. He doesn’t want to change. Carrying on like this is just ridiculous.

dairydebris · 13/02/2026 10:21

You stay with him you are literally telling him very clearly that youre ok with him doing this.
Dump this loser.

Coppelia74 · 13/02/2026 10:22

It is. Can't argue with that. I wouldn't have wanted him to change if he had been upfront about the stuff he's done/ does in the beginning. He never gave any inkling that he was a creepy stripper ogler. He ca e across as quiet, shy around women, had two serious relationships. Dated a few people but ended things when they weren't working out. Seemed just like a sensitive guy who'd stopped looking for love but couldn't get me off his mind.

OP posts:
dairydebris · 13/02/2026 10:26

Coppelia74 · 13/02/2026 10:22

It is. Can't argue with that. I wouldn't have wanted him to change if he had been upfront about the stuff he's done/ does in the beginning. He never gave any inkling that he was a creepy stripper ogler. He ca e across as quiet, shy around women, had two serious relationships. Dated a few people but ended things when they weren't working out. Seemed just like a sensitive guy who'd stopped looking for love but couldn't get me off his mind.

You've known hes into strippers for years. You're making excuses for both his behavior and yours in accepting it. Dump. The. Loser.

stealthninjamum · 13/02/2026 10:31

Op I know you’re hurting and I’m sorry for your bereavement but do you want to tell us why you won’t dump him? Is it that you own a house together? Would he emotionally blackmail you? I’m trying to pick apart if your reasons are emotional or practical. I don’t know if it would help to think of a life in a year’s time where you’re no longer with him. Can you imagine the boost to your mental health If you’re no longer wondering if he shagged someone in a strip club or if he’s lying to you. You’re never going to trust him again so I wonder if you could tell us what the barriers are that are stopping you from chucking him out. Then we can help you to work on a plan to get where you want to be in a year.

Sidebeforeself · 13/02/2026 10:40

Coppelia74 · 13/02/2026 10:01

I don't know. He said he didn't get a dance this time despite them pestering. Did your ex give full details of what actually goes on?

No of course he didnt. He lied and lied and lied. Just like your “partner” is doing.