How would you feel and what would you do, if you found out your partner had a secret savings account of 35k

[Stuckinthemiddlewithyouuhoh]

So it’s not me, it’s my dad found this out about my mum

If they have joint finances then I don't think this is a good situation. I'm not surprised he's upset. I found out my now ex had a secret bank account with over 30k in it. He'd been consistently telling me we couldn't afford things and we had to tighten our belts. But he was a massive twat so there is that. Maybe they'd benefit from counselling

Is it a secret account or did she just open an account with her own saved money?
Nothing wrong with that and it can keep the peace if she feels she needs a degree of financial independance, especially if she has always worked.
Long gone are the days where women have to be totally dependant on their husbands and bestow upon them all their worldly goods!
Is there something over the years that has stopped your dad from opening a savings account of his own?
Is your dads resentment due to the fact that your mum is a saver whereas he has spent what he could have saved throughout the years?
Why question the amount she has saved?
£35K is not a massive amount if it has been saved over a couple of decades and invested well.

Why would be he angry at her for what they couldn't afford if he was still smoking 40 a day?

Imagine if they have both saved that money? they could be sat on 70k in savings between them. That would buy a little security in retirement.

Without sounding alarmist, it might be worth your dad checking Interpol's Red Notices to see if your mum is on there...

So brushing aside the justification guff, you would be ok with her husband having a secret stash because history?
Thought not.

Yes I thought it woukd be his fault 😂

I have £25K saved but it’s our money.

Cigarettes are so expensive so it might just be a year's worth of savings. I think everyone should have their own savings.

Were the cigarettes out of her own money to start with? If so she's entitled to save it up.

I've drummed it into my two that whilst of course you pay for your share of things and support a pregnant partner you always have your own money.

It’s weird that your Dad obviously has no problem with the money going up in smoke, but her having it (35K with of financial freedom) is a problem?

Her being suspicious of women is somewhat separate, and maybe just internalized misogyny.

Maybe she should have told him, but my guess is he wouldn’t have been satisfied until he got his grubby mitts on her savings- basically what is happening now!

Eh?

Let's say £16 for a pack of 20 fags.
@Stuckinthemiddlewithyouuhoh says she smoked 40 a day.

£35,000 could be saved in approx 3 years.

So not exactly out of the question is it?

If Dad still smokes 40 a day then he would have spent the same on fags.

Well done your mum!

Bloody hell!

Sneaky and deceptive. Would make me wonder why they were hiding it. A fuck-off fund/running away fund? Where the hell did they get it all from? And why have they not shared it with me? If we had been struggling financially for some years I would be fuming that he had kept this huge nest egg.

This would make me massively question the relationship. I would never trust my husband again to be honest. Secrets kill marriages.

I would insist on him giving me half of that £35,000, (we are married, it is joint money!) and I would open an account of my own (an ISA probably,) and keep it there.

.

They still should share the savings. Not squirrel it away in an account of their own.

Sorry @Nosejobnelly , I mean to quote this post... (When I said they should still share the money saved.)

@ElectoralControversy · Today 12:24
Holy shit Google says a pack of cigarettes is now 15-20 quid
So two packs a day would add up to your 35k in about 3 years 😱

How is it stealing?

I don't see the issue if it is her own money that she is saving.
DM has a lot of savings that DF has no idea about. He would want half and he would drink it all away.
Her money has come from working and a small inheritance that was left to her, not him. He does not work. She is a WASPI woman, and if she got compensation, he has already said he is expecting half.

Especially if she were still literally setting fire to the equivalent amount.

It’s funny, there’s a running away thread at the moment which I commented on too, I think every woman should have a running away stash, and yet I can totally see why your dad would be so hurt, if dh had that amount I’d wonder about all the times we worried about money etc So I guess the solution is men should know, but then they’d find a way to get it/ use it/ share it. I don’t know the answer, just thinking aloud

Yes in this case perhaps the husband was difficult.

If they could both afford to spend £35ish a day each on cigarettes then they must be fairly wealthy, so I’m assuming pensions/joint savings etc are already covered?

Then again the cigarettes could just be a smoke screen...

i wouldn’t say her saving all that left them in hardship as they always have a holiday every year and are not extravagant

But perhaps if she hadn't been squirreling this away they could have had more than one holiday every year and been a bit more extravagant. A safety fund of 5 to 10 thousand I could understand but 35 thousand, I would be very upset.

I'd be furious as I'd never keep that money to myself. It sounds like your mum has a lot of issues though.

Fine. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Unless they were pleading poverty and making me pay for everything.

Dh saved up about £200k without me realising. 😂 We combined it with an inheritance I received for a very sizeable house deposit.