Do I HAVE to continue to cook separately?

[Luisaa]

Wits end.

5yo DS has always been an incredibly fussy eater but we are now at the point where he will only really eat pasta for dinner. He has pesto pasta, mascarpone, macaroni cheese. He will not eat tomato sauce, so no bolognese or hidden veggies sauces. He hates to see ‘bits’ ie onion, veg, herbs or chicken/mince.

Breakfast is ok as he likes eggs of different forms. Lunch is either a tuna sandwich or egg bagel. Not ideal but at least it’s something. He likes olives and hummus of all things so has that with a wrap once a week. Gone off chicken mayo which is a shame.

It’s dinners I’m mainly struggling with… tonight I have made a shepherds pie and I have refused to cook bloody pasta AGAIN. He is having a meltdown and refusing to eat. Do I just make the bloody pasta? Do I persevere but if so, how?

Any other dinner/lunch ideas for an incredibly fussy eater?

Will add.. we stopped school lunches as he wasn’t eating anything at all. We did give it a good go but it’s a long day for him to get through without lunch.

The problem is I’m having to make the same 3/4 lunches on rotation and he is getting bored of those options and now starting to leave half of the packed lunch too! I’m so stuck with it all.

He's 5. He eats what you made or goes to bed hungry tonight. Or keep spoiling him.

We do this for dd (5) daily. She only eats 6 foods pasta being one of them.

That’s neglect and cruel.

My sister was the fussiest eater. She got the same as us, if she didnt eat it she got it the next day and didn't get anything else when she claimed 'hunger'.
Unfortunately, youve allowed this to continue and your child doesnt now get a balanced diet.
Hard - but stand your ground.

Thing is, it’s easy for people to say ‘he will eat if he is hungry’ but I’m telling you… he literally will not. I can only let him go so long before I have to give in and give him something he will actually eat. I just want to see IF there are any ways other parents manage to get proper, nutritious meals down their fussy children successfully.

Its neglectful not providing nutritional food for a child to enable them to be healthy, physically and mentally

Is it worth talking to your health visitor or GP if you're sure he wouldn't eat

My DS was like this at a similar age - would only eat pasta with one of those stir in pasta sauces. Wouldn't even let me put grated cheese on top. But he's 8 now and eats whatever I put in front of him 🤷‍♀️ People will claim you're spoiling him/ failing to ensure a balanced diet / he'll never learn but sometimes that's just how kids are and they get over it. I'd keep offering him a variety of foods but I also wouldn't stress too much over it.

This was the issue we had. Dd lost weight she wasn’t going to eat unless it was a safe food (she has ASD, ADHD and ARFID). The dietitian told us to see every food as just units of energy not good or bad.
Dd only eats : Pasta , mini breadsticks, smooth yogurt, bananas, ketchup. She still drinks baby formula on advice from dietician. We give her a vitamin, mineral and omega supplement too.
We were told to do nothing except try to increase quantities for the next 3 months then the dietician and OT will work with us to introduce differently foods.

Can you serve the pasta, but with e.g. chicken on the side? Some kids dont enjoy 'composite' meals like gravy with mash etc? The familiarity of the pasta alongside something different might make it easier. Or, some pasta alongside whatever you are having... i'd just not make it a battle, keep offering other foods alongside things you know will be eaten.

I can already see which are the posters who've never had to deal with a child who has sensory food issues. 🙄Yes they will starve themselves rather than eat something they don't like. It is more than a fussy "I don't want to" - it is "I can't".

OP - look up ARFID and see if anything rings a bell.

I was a very fussy eater, I eat most things now. Some children come to it in their own time.
I can remember being forced to eat things, those things I don’t eat now.

No its not? He's not going to starve himself. He will eat but he's so spoiled. OP either fixes this now when he's a baby or she has to deal with it into his teenage years.

Mine were pretty fussy.

we did separate kids and adults dinner times.
kids got a rotation of what they would eat plus some raw veg (chopped carrot, cabbage, cheap things) to eat.

adults got proper food.

in the summer they got hot dogs or burgers or similar with lots of raw fresh veg.

lots of people will tell you if they are hungry they ro eat but it’s not really true. Some will some won’t.

i was fussy as a child and I didn’t eat. I think my record was three days. My mum got fed up of putting the same meal in front of me.

btw there are literally millions of ways to cook eggs

My mother - now 80 - was a fussy eater and as a child was forced to eat what was on her plate with the result that she became a fussy adult with myriad hang ups about food all her life. Forcing children to eat and turning meals into a battle isn’t a good solution. It’s miserable and unpleasant and sets up negative feelings about food.

There are loads of books and blogs about fussy eaters so go to the library and see what they’ve got. The dietitian at your local health care centre may have solutions. The one here does drop in sessions for this exact purpose.

Things I’ve done:

involve them in the cooking
meal and sides served on the table and they choose their portion size
everyone eats together
playing silly word games (fun and distraction from a temper tantrum)
Tiny tastes of everything on the table
compete to see who can eat the most peas etc.
plain side and flavoursome meat/veg one night and the other way round the next night

good luck Op!

I would just do pasta make your life easier.
I had a friend whos son only ate crisps, chips, pasta and cucumber for a year, hes 25 now and eats everything.

I used to serve up one meal and that was all that was on offer. I did allow a bowl of cereal at around 8pm in addition. Dd1 was a nightmare until she reached double digits so I did make sure at least half the time they were things she genuinely ate (dd loved rice as well as pasta) but I didn’t every night. Eventually she capitulated and now eats a pretty good diet, I’m convinced if I had given in at 5 she would still be living on chips and chicken nuggets now, it’s was long perseverance

have we transported back to the year 1901?

Mine would eat pasta with butter and a little piece of broccoli. The nurse at the surgery advised to use a special seasoning... tiny amount, but on everything so you remove the taste from the equation...
(We used Paul Newmans ranch dressing - they didnt like dry seasoning)
We'd stir a teaspoonful on the pasta that they'd love to eat. After a couple of weeks, add the same seasoning to rice... then fries...

Fish flaked and "special seasoning" was a surprising success... but then soft fish was a bit like pasta.

Meat took a while (tried on and off for 6 months, but kind of gave in and kept roughly to pescatarian). Veg is still mainly broccoli, carrot or sweetcorn - or water chestnuts! But I reckoned a meal of fish, brocolli and pasta/rice/fries was not bad as health goes.
Both girls were fussy. Both are now in their 20s, fit and healthy... one eats more varied veg now, turned vegetarian/vegan. The other eats what she likes to eat, which is not very varied, but contains carbs, protein and veg (if that veg is carrot or broccoli)
Both love Paul Newmans ranch dressing!

one of my kids would absolutely starve themself if I did this. Nothing to do with being spoilt at all.

If he likes tuna could you try him with other fish? Put the tuna in the pasta?
You can cook 2 lots of pasta and reheat for the next nights dinner. It's mean to have more nutrients when its reheated.
What about lasagne? Although that has a tomato sauce but there are a lot of alternative lasagne recipes out there.
Think you'll have to go with it for now. My friends daughter would only eat fish fingers, cornflakes and crisps for years. Had all sorts of psychological assessments which didn't help. She eats standard foods now and is thriving now.
What about chickpeas? That's what hummus is basically made out of. He might like the taste as its similar.
Hey, look I know it's a pain but it could be so much worse.

DS is 6. I just make the pasta. From time to time, he’ll try something new but he mainly just eats plain pasta and cheese for dinner. I was a fussy eater and it contributed to a lifetime of eating disorders for me because I see food as a form of control. I’d far rather that DS just ate pasta than we had endless and damaging battles over his food.

I made my son try other foods but always had something he would eat in standby. He is now 14 and would eat pasta every meal if he could but he will also eat more now as he wasn’t forced to eat anything so he became more willing to try stuff and now eats a lot more and will try most things willingly.

I would keep offering the pasta but gently negotiate trying some new foods too. A tiny piece of something, no pressure and see how it goes.

Don’t make food a battleground as that could cause more entrenched issues.

I agree that those saying he eats it or he gets nothing don’t understand that not every child will eat what they’re given and everyone ends up distressed.