Do I HAVE to continue to cook separately?

[Luisaa]

Wits end.

5yo DS has always been an incredibly fussy eater but we are now at the point where he will only really eat pasta for dinner. He has pesto pasta, mascarpone, macaroni cheese. He will not eat tomato sauce, so no bolognese or hidden veggies sauces. He hates to see ‘bits’ ie onion, veg, herbs or chicken/mince.

Breakfast is ok as he likes eggs of different forms. Lunch is either a tuna sandwich or egg bagel. Not ideal but at least it’s something. He likes olives and hummus of all things so has that with a wrap once a week. Gone off chicken mayo which is a shame.

It’s dinners I’m mainly struggling with… tonight I have made a shepherds pie and I have refused to cook bloody pasta AGAIN. He is having a meltdown and refusing to eat. Do I just make the bloody pasta? Do I persevere but if so, how?

Any other dinner/lunch ideas for an incredibly fussy eater?

You're doing great. Not your fault at all. 🩷

The "they'll eat if they get hungry enough" refrain in the year 2026 makes me want to bang my head against a wall. Even if this were true of all children, the idea that a child won't choose to literally starve themselves does not mean that you're helping that child develop a healthy diet or a healthy relationship with food.

All that said, there is a huge amount of middle ground between only serving a child foods they actively like (and custom making all meals) and the "eat what I chose for dinner or starve" approach.

There are great resources out there but here are two starting places:
https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/
growingintuitiveeaters.com/

Yikes. 💐

Is part of the issue that you have strong views about the sort of food you will serve? I had these before having children and got very frustrated by their limited range of acceptable foods

Will he eat beige food ? Chicken goujons and fish fingers are not the worst foods in the world with potato waffles and peas/ beans.

Chicken burger / bean burger in a roll with crudités.

Are there veg he likes? My fussy eaters like sugar snap peas.

Pizza once a week ?
Beans and scrambled eggs on brown toast?

Meat balls with pasta?

There are loads of things my fussy eaters don’t eat but from 10 onwards things have changed significantly . We haven’t made food an issue.

There was a scene in Mommy Dearest like that involving a rare steak, if I remember.
The keep serving it approach reminds me of it. 😵‍💫

Thank you @Mumtobabyhavoc xx

I’d make your food for dinner and make him pasta. That’s what we do. It’s all very well saying serving them what you eat but some kids just wouldn’t eat it however hungry they are.

Ignore the horrible people telling you to starve your child if he won't eat what you think he should eat. Make the pasta, put a spoonful of your dinner on the side. Do that every day, even if it's just a vegetable or spoonful of mash. Desensitise him to other food. He may decide to try them of his own accord. Mine was that fussy at his age, now he's still fussy but within normal parameters and eats many many things he would never have eaten as a child.

Fed is best - feed him what he will eat until he grows out of it. It’s not hard to cook pasta and mix it with his choice of pesto/cheese. Would he eat some garlic bread or flat bread with it? The more you make a drama out of it the worse it will get.

OP is providing it. Or at least trying to. Child refuses to eat it (as is common in the real world). What would you suggest she does - force feed the child?

Oh yes.

Just cook pasta. It might just be a phase. It might get worse before it gets better. (Did for us) It is not worth going into battle over for a kid who can't eat anything else. Yes, it's a bit annoying. (Been there done that) Been around the SEN community long enough to know that sometimes the advice from professionals is just to get them eating calories of some description. Yours eats quite a range of stuff compared to some.

Do go and get proper advice though, not just us randoms on the internet !

I eat the food I like, why shouldn't my kids get to do the same?

As a tip, if he goes off something, don't serve it for a month, then try to reintroduce it. He might like it again/have forgotten why he went of it.

Sometimes I just put safe foods in front of them without asking what they'd like. The asking led to refusal. If they didn't eat it, it was no big deal. Someone else would.

Sometimes I let them steal from my plate.

Sometimes I let them eat in front of a screen as a greater amount/more variety went down.

I stopped giving yogurt as cleaning the remains of a pot out of the curtains got boring. They ate cheese or drank milk instead.

Cereal has added vitamins if they tolerate that.

They might eat something once or twice and never again. It doesn't matter. See it as a positive that it was accepted twice rather than failure.

Batch cook for those who can eat a bigger range. Freeze in portions. Makes life less boring for you.

Remember this too shall pass. Either they will eat more or learn to cook their two foods for themselves or move to supported living.

I have a fussy dd who has ARFID (she has ASD and lots of sensory issues). I cook the same 3 meals on rotation but once a week I try and add something new. She’s now much older and I still do this. I got fed up being in a battle with her all the time so I just cook what she will eat. She has added a few new foods as she’s got older including most root veg (but nothing green). I took her to the gp several times and was just told ‘pick your battles’ or ‘just let her eat what she wants to eat’. Your DS’s foods don’t sound as bad as my DD’s 😬.

NO it was not seventies parenting, it was poor parenting.

Then you make the pasta.

My DS was the same at that age. I fed him pasta, peas, and sweetcorn for almost every dinner. One thing that helped was serving all the food in serving bowls so he could pick and choose, lounge picnic was another favourite. I used to freeze individual portion sizes of spaghetti bol and then reheat them as required when he went through that phase. I’d also have carrot, pepper, and cucumber sticks on the table so at least he’d get some vegetables, and he’d get some fruit or yoghurt for pudding. I just didn’t make a fuss and let him eat what he wanted. He’s 17 and will eat almost anything now.

I would also add my (ex) fussy eater’s dc2 of 6 and the other 5 have all eaten whatever’s put in front of them so it’s not all down to parenting at all

Can you batch cook the pasta so you’re just reheating it rather than making it from scratch every day? Eggs are very nutritious so good he’s eating those. Can he eat raw carrots on the side?

Do you always sit at the table? Ds ASD and add, went through a phase like this and yes he would have starved himself.

I gave the pasta alongside other food in front of the TV or in his tent or as a picnic on a blanket. He'd pick at the additional food.

Eats absolutely anything now, very adventurous, the stranger the better.

Said by someone who has never had to deal with a very fussy eater

Mine would gag on unwanted food and then rush to toilet to spit it out. As other have said, she would go hungry rather than eat something she didn't want. She had a lot of beige food and pasta and I encouraged fruit and vegetables and we went with what worked and never battled about it. I spent a lot of time with her cooking, which she enjoyed, but she wouldn't necessarily eat something just because she prepared it. Mixed food was generally a big no no. As a small child she ate everything so I was most perplexed. Ultimately letting her have control was the best thing. The older she got, a bit of peer pressure to e.g. have pizza, and being able to cook her own food meant she got more adventurous. I remember being on holiday and she ordered lasagne vs pasta with butter on and nearly fell off my chair. She's 21 now and will eat many things (though not everything). She does eat a lot of vegetables now at at least.

His diet is restrictive, but not that bad. He likes something from all the food groups, so I think there's a good chance it will improve.

I'd make a big batch of pasta pesto for the week, and then have it as a side dish option, and also offer whatever you have for everyone else.

I would let him have the pasta for now, with just a spoonful of whatever you're having on the plate for him to try. Don't try and persuade him to and don't make a big fuss if he has a taste - just keep on eating and chatting as if it's perfectly normal. Do your best to make mealtimes relaxed and fun, don't make it a battleground - you can't actually make him eat so it's a battle you can't win. What you can do is just keep introducing little bits every day with no pressure and I bet he will start having a taste here and there eventually.

If he'll eat macaroni cheese, I would boil and blend cauliflower into the sauce, with pesto you could blend in some spinach or broccoli!

I was that child... For a couple of years at that age I only ate one of two things... I was very stubborn and the doctors told my mum she just had to give me what I would eat as I was losing weight.

I slowly ate more and as an adult eat everything!

Why is it always bloody pasta 🙈 my 7 year old will pretty much eat pasta (plain or with a specific sauce) pizza, hot dogs, Waffles, nuggets, bacon sandwiches and bread happily. Anything else usually needs encouragement! He will eat carrots, cucumbers, peppers and some fruit. Occasionally eggs.. it's frustrating but I just try and get fruit veg and some protein in where I can. He will try foods though if hes asked, he just says he doesn't like it

It’s what many of us grew up with. There wasn’t the money for alternatives every day. No choice of school dinners either. You often made a face, but you ate it or went without. Funnily enough, we survived!