Niche Mumsnet things

[manicpixieschemegirl]

I don’t mean commando crawling behind the sofa when the door bell rings or one chicken seeing an entire family through the winter. Slightly more obscure things you see crop up quite often that you’ve never heard anyone say or do in real life. I’ll go first -

OP looking for a miracle product or cut for their frizzy, untameable hair but point blank refusing to blow dry or style it in any way shape or form.

People falling over themselves to call an OP unreasonable for being miffed that the guy she’s dating hasn’t been in contact for a few days. Apparently a text exchange every 3-5 business days is more than enough and OP is clearly needy and deeply insecure.

Im not even all that old but I’d only need to finish doing up the top button of a jumpsuit and I’d need a wee.

Being told to LTB because he had a pint on the way home from work and forgot to take the dog out.

Also, asking a bunch of strangers if a very normal dress is nice... we might all be sat at home dressed like the love child of Timmy Mallet and Camila Batmanghelidjh....

That one. Also, links to dresses worth £300 plus when someone is going to a wedding where they are just a minor guest (like your husband's colleague).

And sneering at any dress that isn’t silk, even though the budget is £150.

I say vile and grim quite often in real life.

Following on from the silk dresses - the absolute hatred for synthetic fabrics, especially <shudder> polyester. Well someone must be buying them, they are everywhere.

Also thread count of bedlinen. I know it’s on the packaging now because I’ve heard so much about it on MN but never heard it mentioned IRL and had no idea it was of such great importance. I tend to choose the design and just look for cotton but am not totally against polycotton especially for children’s bedding.

@sammylady37 Completely agree. Anyone on a high income must spend their days drinking champagne on Concorde and attending fittings for the Met Gala, rather than sitting at a desk working, watching TV in the evening and scrolling on their phone during the ads, killing 5 minutes while they wait to pick a child up from football etc etc 😂

And the absolutely fanatical doodle dog hate!!

(Declaration of COIs, I have a greyhound and a doodle dog 🙃)

A raisin?! Looking at a grape should be enough.

Not sure it's quite in keeping with the theme of the thread but another line that pops up over and over again "are you getting help with your anxiety" I mean yeah sometimes its a valid question but I've seen it used a LOT where it's clearly a bitchy nasty comment

Yes, I hate that too. Or even worse, "what does your GP say about your anxiety"

I would have said the opposite - ‘all money is family money’ and no married couple should have any personal finances at all.

My all-time favourite is "I couldn't be bothered by this enough to post on Mumsnet"

Said by someone bothered enough to post on MN.

"Just buy a house"

The inevitable reply when someone asks what to wear to a posh/Michelin restaurant:“Oh, I go three times a week and wear old jeans; the dcs just amble in in their dirty football kits.”

Also “line manager”. As in, “Report this to your line manager”. Does everyone work in the public sector with infinite layers of staff? Likewise urging people to “get signed off” for the merest issue.

This section has made me laugh a lot. I always smile about one massive chicken being used to feed a family for a week.

And also refuse to even CONSIDER learning.

That one is really weird.
I have family who live very rurally - 20 minutes plus to the nearest small shop. 45 to what we'd consider a supermarket.
Their kids all started learning to drive on private land LONG before they were 17. And started taking proper road lessons almost the second they were old enough to do so.

I live out in the sticks, and there are very few jobs, and those that are available are not very well-paying, so there are tons of people who simply cannot afford to learn to drive or to put their kids through lessons as soon as they hit 17. Bit of a vicious circle for many people, really.

Oh also the absolute horror at being invited to a hen party or baby shower. Just go if you fancy it and decline if you don't.

"Just declining" is absolutely forbidden on MN. You must tie yourself into complicated knots with increasingly preposterous lies. Bonus points if you want to decline because it is above your budget. Never say this. Remortgage your house, raid the children's piggy banks and/or cancel a family holiday to put yourself in debt for years for something that you didn't even want to go to in the first place, won't enjoy and will result in falling out with all your friends/family.

Way more logical than just saying "thanks for the invite, I can't make that but I hope you all have a lovely time."

Cool wives.

I have actually come across this several times. It is very weird.

Also has to be accompanied by a rant about baby shower / hen parties generally, American traditions, and loads of posters coming on to say they have never been to one, don’t know anyone, ever, who has held one, and would never “dream of accepting”.

There’s also the job hunting threads where for some reason people assume all job applications work like the public sector. Apparently nobody uses CVs any more, everyone has to fill in an application form, there’s a closing date, everyone must use the STAR method at interviews, everyone gets a score, and nobody is ever hired on the strength of their personality.

Small private companies don’t work like this.

Only on MN would someone ask where to buy nice bras in larger cup sizes, and someone would actually reply with “I had a breast reduction instead”.

Or be endlessly bullied that you’re wearing the wrong bra size, because a grown woman couldn’t possibly know what size her own boobs are!