Niche Mumsnet things

[manicpixieschemegirl]

I don’t mean commando crawling behind the sofa when the door bell rings or one chicken seeing an entire family through the winter. Slightly more obscure things you see crop up quite often that you’ve never heard anyone say or do in real life. I’ll go first -

OP looking for a miracle product or cut for their frizzy, untameable hair but point blank refusing to blow dry or style it in any way shape or form.

People falling over themselves to call an OP unreasonable for being miffed that the guy she’s dating hasn’t been in contact for a few days. Apparently a text exchange every 3-5 business days is more than enough and OP is clearly needy and deeply insecure.

Oh my god what a memory 😍And I'm sure they used to have bacon bits too??

For me it’s the germophobes. I’ve never met anyone in real life who is as weird about cleanliness as people on here. In the last week I’ve read about people changing their bed sheets every fucking day, and people who would wash their hands every time they touch the kitchen bin and a woman who washed towels at 90 degrees because her husband’s Willy touches them. Bonkers.

Ah you stole my contribution!!! Drives me absolutely mad 😂

a woman who washed towels at 90 degrees because her husband’s Willy touches them.

Blimey, does she wash her minge at 90 degrees too?

Does she boil wash her fanny in the shower after a shag too? Thats ridiculous.

There’s one that I’ve realised is so MN from another thread this weekend that you wouldn’t get in real life: the all or nothing diet people.

There’s a thread running about someone who is overweight but couldn’t see why when she’s generally healthy with a few treats. Someone early on pointed out those “small treats” add up to about 4,000 calories a week so if she could stop some, swap some for something lower calorie she’d be fine. All good, some people suggested sensible and easy swaps.

Except then the anti-joy people turned up. No carbs ever. Cut all sweet foods from your diet for the rest of your life. You cannot be thin and have a packet of crisps once a week.

I have noticed there’s a group on here that can’t comprehend that you can be slim and have carbs, as long as overall you aren’t eating too much. That occasional treats could be budgeted for in your weekly calorie allowance. They are very puritanical about carbs.

Oh god I made a comment about having two pieces of toast with butter for breakfast the other week and got absolutely slaughtered 😂

Apparently everyone in the whole world on MN eats overnight oats or yoghurt with a HUGE handful of chai seeds and it keeps you full all day 🙄

I was amazed i got so far into the thread and nobody else had said it lol

Honestly you can't so much as say that your DH leaves his pants on the floor without getting a "Is he ND??? Has he been tested for ADHD???"

It's also an extension of 'nobody likes or cares about your kid except you'. Of course it's normal for a grandmother to never invite or allow her grandchildren into her house, it's her house and why would she want stinky children in there messing everything up? Of course your sister won't watch your child for a couple of hours so you can get on with something that's far easier to do childfree - that's your child that you chose to have, they're awful and your sister hates them, you should already know how to do absolutely everything you might ever need to with a toddler underfoot, and if you don't know how to then why did you even have them? You're an awful parent, your child is terribly behaved and your family are all trying to work out how they can avoid you until the child is 18.

I like my family, and my friends, I enjoy spending time with them and if they need help that I'm capable of providing then I'm going to do what I can. I love the children in my family as well as the children of my friends. I want to see them. I don't mind babysitting if it means my (adult) niece gets a much deserved night out or my friend gets to attend an important appointment. And I'm not deluded when I say that my family members love my DD too, they want to see her (my side anyway!!), they tell me off if they feel they haven't seen her enough recently, she genuinely brings them happiness in the same way my nieces and nephews do for me. Nobody takes the piss, we all know that nobody wants to be babysitting every weekend, and that everyone has their own stuff going on, but we consider each other's children to be part of our family and welcome in our homes and lives. I'm fairly sure this is normal too, but you wouldn't think it from a lot of posts on here.

Or 'Going Nuclear' I've never heard this anywhere else. Get some self-control.

The only dog recommended by MN seems to be the greyhound!

I’m amazed that no one has mentioned that on MN everything is Vile.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard that word in real life but on MN, it’s ubiquitous.

Snapping and farting is also quite common.

Vile - and grim.

I use those word in real life. But I am very dramatic. 😆

Strict 7pm bedtime for any primary age child (regardless if they are 3 or 11)

They always add “diagnosed” in brackets after it too. Just to add legitimacy to it.

let me tell you, I’ve been a psychiatrist for over 20 years, lots of my friends are psychiatrists and lots of my friends are GPs. Not one of us has ever, in over two decades of experience each, ever diagnosed emetophobia.

Oh yes, the fake 'confusion.'

The overuse of the word fucker, particularly any fucker of smug fucker. It’s just so jarring given the uptight, middle class vibe of this site.

Conversely, overly flowery descriptions of mundane things. No one just says they have grey hair and brown eyes, it would be silver tresses with accents of pewter and chocolate brown eyes flecked with amber and gold. And that’s just Ddog.

Hard agree! Also 'grabbing' something from the supermarket, some friends, a coffee...

Ending a question with No ?

but surely you wash your towels every day , no ?

I say vile all the time.

I'd say that 7 out of 10 people probably want to hurl if they hear/see/smell somebody elses vomit.
It's a normal reaction of the majority, not an identity.

The insistance that, if your parents don't offer to care for your children so you can work/go on holiday/have 'date nights' etc, that you shouldn't offer to do any care for them when they are old and decrepit.

Ignoring the fact that your parents brought YOU up and have done their parenting time. Or that they might not need you to care for them when they are old and might manage perfectly well on their own. But no, if they don't put their lives on hold for the children you chose to have, you should ignore them in their old age.

I have never heard this expressed in real life.

Everyone on Mumsnet just cracks on (I loathe this expression) and can’t wrap their heads around those who need a bit of support.

OP - I lost my job, my roof caved in and my cat died this week. AIBU to feel a bit low?

Unsympathetic twit - We’ve all got problems OP but most of us just crack on!