Niche Mumsnet things

[manicpixieschemegirl]

I don’t mean commando crawling behind the sofa when the door bell rings or one chicken seeing an entire family through the winter. Slightly more obscure things you see crop up quite often that you’ve never heard anyone say or do in real life. I’ll go first -

OP looking for a miracle product or cut for their frizzy, untameable hair but point blank refusing to blow dry or style it in any way shape or form.

People falling over themselves to call an OP unreasonable for being miffed that the guy she’s dating hasn’t been in contact for a few days. Apparently a text exchange every 3-5 business days is more than enough and OP is clearly needy and deeply insecure.

Starting a sentence with ‘You do realise…’

Which is obviously Cuntish for ‘you obviously don’t you complete fucking idiot’ and would sound SO RUDE if you said it in real life.

Don't hate the school gates? You must be part of "The Clique"!

Yes! When people suggest how someone should reply to a challenging friend/family situation, and they type out the imaginary text message which is laden with lies and passive aggression, usually ending ‘ hope you’ll understand xx’ Instead of just telling the truth

Not allowing your in-laws to meet their grandchild until the baby is drawing his pension, because you want to ‘bubble’ because you couldn’t possibly want to come into contact with another human after giving birth.

But they don’t mind including her parents, siblings, aunties, uncles, cousins, friends, nieces, nephews in the ‘bubble’. It doesn’t seem to occur to them that their DH’s parents share just as much DNA with their child as their own parents.

I love those replies. ‘My friend has asked me to go out for a meal but it’s a posh place and will break my budget.’

Tell her that your leg has fallen off, rather than just saying “Sorry Emma, that’s more than I can stretch to this month”.

Yes but in real life, you don’t have hundreds possibly thousands of people reading/hearing what you’re saying and potentially recognising you!

Absolutely..just nuts.

Yep! I saw someone say that radishes and cucumbers are “junk” because they come wrapped in plastic! 😆😆😆

Not relevant to the topic, but I love your username 😂

Thinking it’s completely normal and acceptable for your partner not to do any housework/admin/childcare. I honestly don’t know any of my friends partners like this (male or female), but they seem to be in abundance here!

For me, it’s the immediate assumption that someone is a troll, simply because they’ve described something that they haven’t personally experienced themselves. The other day a woman posted about how to rescue her lasagne she’d begun making but had no pasta sheets and she casually mentioned how she’d boiled the potatoes for it already. Cue the many aghast people at the weirdness of boiled potatoes with lasagne and like clockwork, the troll hunters declared her a troll! 😵‍💫 As if somebody is going to troll Mumsnet about sodding potatoes with lasagne 🙄 She only posted for recipe advice!

Mothers of sons must accept that once their son creates his own “little family” they will be expected to see their sons/ grandchildren once a year by appointment only and be grateful at that. (I don’t have DILs yet, but I’m braced for the inevitable if they are Mumsnetters!)

@DragonflytamerOMG yes - the whole non comm or low contact with family - particularly mothers. Using today’s therapy speak to judge parents’ actions 20/30/40/50 years ago with no regard or knowledge for what they were going through themselves. Obviously all of the mothers here are perfect and will never be cut off by their children……
The ageism and misogyny is off the scale on Mumsnet.

I’ve never had a conversation irl where anyone has ever mentioned logging something with 101.

🤣🤣

Yes this. I totally had my eyes opened to how many people are so tolerant, or even actively enjoy, dishonesty.

A few years ago the fashionable word was "incandescent" to describe feeling furious. Don't see it too much any more.

Omg the jumpsuit obsession! You’re right, almost no one looks good in them and they’re one of the least practical items of clothing you could wear. Who wants to have to strip off in a grotty toilet every time you need to pee?

Bonus cunt points if it ends with “right?” Condescending twats.

Or if it ends with no ?
One of my dts tried this the other day. Its worse in rl.

People who don't accept that envy is a totally normal emotion. Many of people would feel some degree of envy if they had a good friend or a sibling who had one or several of lots of money, beautiful house, wonderful family, excellent career etc (in particular if the OP is struggling with that aspect in their own life). It doesn't mean they're going to go and stab the person they're envious of. The inevitable 'gosh OP, what a childish response, can't you just be happy for your friend' replies are so po-faced.

In the middle of nowhere ? And because they don’t drive they walk everywhere and it keeps them slim.

Plus eating the mumsnet chicken which serves a family of 5 for 6 days of meals helps.

You have made my day!
Me part of the clique!

I am updating my CV right away to reflect this.

The ‘vanity sizing’ obsession on here is bizarre. OP goes on a rant about size 10 clothes being ABSOLUTELY ENORMOUS. And how she can’t find anything to wear because they’re all like clowns’ clothes. And it’s ridiculous that clothes are so much bigger now to keep all the fatties happy (not quite saying it outright but heavily implying it.) Oh and she has size 10 clothes in her wardrobe from 1980 (belonging to either her or her mum) that are tiny. WEAR THOSE THEN. Or, I dunno, go down a size. We all know that clothes sizes have changed. Just buy the size that fits and stop trying to make people feel like shit.