Niche Mumsnet things

[manicpixieschemegirl]

I don’t mean commando crawling behind the sofa when the door bell rings or one chicken seeing an entire family through the winter. Slightly more obscure things you see crop up quite often that you’ve never heard anyone say or do in real life. I’ll go first -

OP looking for a miracle product or cut for their frizzy, untameable hair but point blank refusing to blow dry or style it in any way shape or form.

People falling over themselves to call an OP unreasonable for being miffed that the guy she’s dating hasn’t been in contact for a few days. Apparently a text exchange every 3-5 business days is more than enough and OP is clearly needy and deeply insecure.

Yes, and black! MNers only ever wear white or black to weddings.

Just let people enjoy things!!!

Everyone should move to the north if they’re finding the cost of living a bit hard. Just uproot everything and go!

Going NC with family at the drop of a hat.

Teenaged kids doing all their own laundry and cooking. It always sounds so wasteful and chaotic, not to mention miserable.

That’s for readability though.

People fuming over any slight inconvenience.

People going non-contact with people over any slight disagreement.

Yeah if it just said dog rather than ddog none of us would have a clue what they meant.

I find this baffling too as I live in an area of the North where property is about the same price as London. My dc’s pay £1500pcm for a one bed flat in Manchester - but people are advised to come here for cheap living.

There seem to be a lot of parochial types who’ve never left the South on here who seem to think “oop North” is all derelict mining towns and people wearing flat caps with whippets on strings.

There’s a MN assumption that anyone who has more things/better house/fancier holidays etc than you must be financing their whole life on credit. There’s always someone who’s worked in debt advice happy to tell you everyone is in debt. The only other option is “bank of mum and dad”. “Perhaps they earn more than you.” Is always dismissed as an option to explain the difference. It’s all debt.

Also, all the grim neighbours with 5 cars who fill up all the extra parking and potentially block in the OP.

Actually my lovely neighbours managed to do this to me today.

People who have a definite rigid rule. They never seem to reply "well it depends on my mood really"

People who are disgusted and offended by the very arrival of Christmas cards in the post and immediately bin them without opening them

Yes anyone who earns more than the minimum wage is immediately dismissed as a fantasist.

OMG This! 😂

Someone posts about struggling with the cost of living or debt etc. 'Take in a lodger!!' Mumsnet replies. Like it's a no brainer.

Being concerned that there are still chocolates and other treat foods acquired over the Christmas period around after the first week of January. Personally, I see it as a big win if they last until Lent

It’s pissing it down outside, starting to go dark, there’s a howling wind and the streets are deserted. In MN land, just get out with your toddlers and go for a walk, jumping in puddles on the way. Why wouldn’t you

Competitive thinness. Always seems to be a competition on any food thread to eat the most vegetables “surely most people have at least 10 servings a day” and zero carbs or sugar. Apparently anything which you don’t pull muddy out of the Earth is an ultra processed food.

taking down Christmas on Boxing Day. Being upset if you’ve overcatered on Christmas Day. That one really doesn’t make any sense to me, surely the joy of having overcatered on Christmas Day is that you don’t need to cook for the two days afterwards?

The amount of times people advise lying rather than just saying no.

I’ve been invited to something and don’t want to go’: say you have to work late/are away that weekend. My mother thinks I should buy a hat for a wedding: tell her you have a rare neck condition that makes hats impossible. My son wants a lift and I want a drink: say your car/cat/best friend (who your 15 year has never met because, you know, folk are busy) just died

An obsession with all children having a full bath 7 evenings a week with no possible variation in routine.

A more serious one, a very strong pro termination attitude or not respecting pro choice. By that I mean judging women for choosing to have a child in less that utopian circumstances. OP is struggling as Dh isn't pulling his weight- you shouldn't have had a baby with him. OP is struggling financially as working mother with two kids - why did you have a second child etc etc. OP needs advice as 3 kids are squabbling non stop - you shouldn't have had a 3rd child. It's unbelievably disrespectful.

'Hot chocolate stations' at Christmas time. I'm sorry what? Do they mean a bag of mini marshmallows next to the Velvetiser or something? Should I be calling my kettle a 'tea station'?

The obsession with sack-like dresses from Toast or similar.

Lending thousands of pounds to friends.

Take in a lodger/take in ironing.

With food/health I find there are generally two camps. The ones who claim a raisin fills them up and anything more than that is pure gluttony. Aghast that people don't do 10,000 steps a day and weight train etc etc. Then there are the ones who gleefully proclaim they've got their feet up on the sofa with DCat halfway through a family size box of chocolates and a large glass of wine ready to watch I'm a Celeb. They're far too 'artsy' to worry about their weight and take pride in joking about it.

No - think about how YY means yes, not Y.

Mmmm, that's my kind of salad 😋

I always loved a salad from the Pizza Hut salad bar - pasta, potato salad, crispy onions, blue cheese dressing... not a green leaf or tomato in sight!

I have never tried to shorten Yes on an an internet forum. An mumsnet it would need to be DY. We use D for everything. DH, dcat, dtoaster,

Oh also, everyone is always 'shaking with anger' or 'livid', or have just gone 'nuclear'. No one can simply be annoyed.

Being a stepmum and actually caring for and sometimes actively parenting the child is considered insanity.
Your husband of 10 years has full parental responsibility and custody of a child/ children living in your family and you dare to overstep and actually claim to love them do selfless things for them, care about their welfare- in MN land it’s absolutely none of your business ever and you are always the scarlet woman of the situation.

There is no conceivable situation where your husband or god forbid you are a better parent in any way than their mum - whose lack of shits given / neglectful behaviour must 100% always be justified.

It makes me so sad to think so many MN people think it’s normal and correct to have a stepchild in their home / life and honestly not care for them at all ( I know this does happen obviously)