@Jasnah I think some of your points are fair but I would refute some of them.
>> So many parents are seeking disgnosis for something that, years ago, would just have fallen under quirky. Many of the SEND children with a mild case would cope perfectly well without any adjustments.
IME the waiting lists are so long and/or private assessments so expensive and it's still a fight to get needs registered at schools etc - I don't know of anybody doing this whose DC is not massively struggling. Perhaps some people do it just out of curiosity but it seems like a minority. And even in my own case where in hindsight, DS1 didn't need a diagnosis at the time I sought one for him and he seemed to cope well for years without having any specific support, it has turned out to be the right thing when he hit 16/17 and the house of cards which were all his ADHD coping strategies collapsed all at once, which tends to happen with ADHD, we have realised - the coping strategies tend to all hold each other up, so once one goes it tends to completely destabilise all the others.
He went from being one of the top students to just suddenly seeming to not bother out of nowhere. It was so fast he almost failed the year before his tutor was even able to call me in for a meeting. He had 3x the amount of absences over the threshold for it to affect his permanent record. Luckily for him he already had the ADHD diagnosis so all we had to do was call the doctor and organise a new medication prescription, as well as putting other strategies in place, because we could see immediately what had happened, rather than start the arduous process of working out what was behind this sudden and out of character seeming crash and if ADHD wasn't something that came up early on in the process then you have to deal with waiting lists and medication titration as well, who knows how long it would have taken.
>> The system is setting the teacher up to fail, and the children up to fail in later life.
Completely agree.
>> No one will get their bills sent to them in their preferred colour, no one will get 10min timeout every 60min of their working time for anxiety or to calm down
Actually I think these are examples of the kinds things which adults organise all the time for themselves, which children don't have the luxury of being able to do. Lots of people use Pomodoro timers at work, or when WFH, or even the good old fashioned smoke/vape break is an extremely common practice. Adults can choose all kinds of formats to receive bills including through an app which can often be put into dark mode, opt to fill their home printer with whatever colour of paper they like or simply automate payment so you don't need to read it at all. And they are also examples of accommodations which children tend to need less of as they get older, more confident, or more used to the situation/task. When we put a bib on a baby or toddler, we don't worry that they will never learn to be careful of getting food on their clothes. They automatically develop this awareness along with the better motor control that allows them to eat more carefully. We usually stop using bibs after they are mostly staying clean, and it doesn't prevent children from developing better motor control. Children with SEN might develop skills later or more slowly than their peers but they are still developing and growing, they don't stay the same forever.
>> No one will tolerate excessive swearing and aggression regardless of past trauma
Schools should absolutely not be tolerating this either? I can't see why a school would have a policy accepting this, unless you're referring to deescalation tactics as being acceptance or tolerance, which is not the same thing.
>> A huge breakdown in societal norms and support systems (such as police presence, early intervention, mental health support etc.) means that more and more students develop skewed interpretations of what is normal and acceptable, often carrying the label SEMH. Social media adds to this.
I'm very curious as to how these things have got mashed together because I don't see how police presence and early intervention are linked, unless you mean social services? It's true these services are chronically underfunded and likely failing in many areas, and this can create sort of "pockets" of communities where children are growing up in environments where they are being exposed to all sorts of troubling ideas. But I am sceptical of the idea that "societal norms are breaking down" because I don't think that the existence of these families is especially new or surprising, they are mainly more visible now whereas in the past it was more hidden. I also can't think of a time when the UK has ever had adequate mental health care and services. They've always been completely shit and not even started to meet the level of need, even if you look at the very brief window in the late 00s/early 10s when it seemed like things were going in a more positive direction. But also, some societal norms needed to be abandoned - a lot of older norms were just stigma against people unnecessarily and I don't think that helps at all.
>> Some parents project their own over-protectiveness and anxieties onto their children, demanding adjustments when none are, realistically, needed. Those children grow up needlessly more afraid of challenges than they should be, because they've never had to be uncomfortable.
This is interesting and I think could be worth looking into.