Big row with DH over my weight

[Prickleitch]

Hi

last night I had a huge argument with DH about my weight loss. To give you some context, I am 5‘8“ tall and five months ago I was over 16 stone. I’ve always been quite a curvy girl and when I met DH I was probably around 12 stone so not slim but not massive either. having children and getting a bit older saw me put the pounds on and I decided last year that I had to do something about. Obviously some of this was vanity driven but also my blood pressure was a bit high and I didn’t want to just keep getting bigger. I have been taking Mounjaro which I have paid for privately and when I got on the scales two days ago for my most recent weighin I weighed 10 stone and 12 lb. This is the latest I’ve been in my adult life and I feel happy with this weight.

last night, DH made a comment about me looking too thin. He kept on about it so I asked him if he still found me attractive. He said that he didn’t find me unattractive but that he definitely thought I was sexier when I had a bit more weight on me. He then made a comment about how he thinks the weight loss has made me look a bit older. They sent me into a rage. Whilst we all have our personal preferences but he seems to be forgetting that I was 16 stone with high blood pressure.

It was at this point that all hell broke loose and I said some pretty nasty things to DH. I’m not proud to admit this but after the comments to me I screamed back at him “well I would like a husband with a 10 inch cock but here I am getting on with things with your chode”

he thinks I’ve crossed a line. AIBU to feel that his comments to me were unfair ?

Im sorry but i did laugh at the ‘chode’😅

His criticism wasn’t warranted and he was a bit mean. You was mean in return. Both need to apologise.

You're 5ft 8 and weigh 10st 12lbs, that's not too slim for your height so he doesn't need to be worrying. It's a healthy enough weight and you should be monitoring the rest of your health markers to make sure they are going in the right direction.

No one's partner should be telling them they look old as we all know that's not a compliment. It's insulting, you didn't stand for it and pointed out that everyone compromises with a sharp expression. If it has bothered him he now knows how you felt to hear what he said.

Exactly. He prefers her bigger (and unhealthier), now his wife has done something to help her own health but it doesn't suit him, so out comes an unsolicited criticism about her weight.

None of the rest would have happened if he hadn't decided to make a comment about her being too thin. She had not asked for his opinion. But his going on about it so much obviously then had OP wondering if he no longer found her attractive.

So he then decides to go for broke and add another unasked for comment about how old she looks!

I agree

I haven't heard the word chode since I was at secondary school in about 2002!

Screaming that at him is going too far.... he's right. He also shouldn't have been going on about you looking too thin when you're at a perfectly healthy weight.

If this is the way you speak to another it doesn't bode well .... if DH screamed at me and insulted my genitals our marriage would be over.

While ops weight loss is fantastic, its highly unlikely she looks too thin enough for him to be concerned.

He could have stopped at "yes, i still find you attractive". But he carried on and on and received a similar mark of concern regarding his size I guess 😬

@JumpingJiminy

OP's husband made an unasked for comment about her being too thin. In fact, he "kept on about it", so not just a single comment. OP then asked him if he still found her attractive. He said yes but not as much as when she was overweight. Just for free he added another unsolicited comment about her looking older.

She provides him with some unasked for criticism about his small cock. OP, you still owe him a personal criticism if you want to even it up. Of course he thinks you crossed a line after all there's nothing wrong with telling your wife (who has not asked him for his opinion about her weight) she's too thin and looks older, but say anything about a man's cock? Well, that's beyond the pale! 🙄

This. ^ I find it inexplicable that some posters are calling the OP nasty, and mean, and horrid, and full of 'rage and nastiness,' (LOL!) and she's a walking red flag, la la la, .. LMFAO. 😆 Dramatic much?!

Even though the OP did not ask her husband for his opinion, he said she's too thin, she looks old now, and he doesn't fancy her any longer. Nasty, spiteful remarks, seated in deep jealously... But she made a comment about him having a short and stubby cock, and she is the devil incarnate!

This place sometimes. 😂

He deserved every single scrap of that comment, and worse. Her husband is negging, spiteful, insecure, and jealous, and made some really cruel comments about her weight and appearance... But OH MY DAYS SHE SAID SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT HIS WILLY!

CALL 101 now. NOOOOOOOO MAKE IT 999!!!! 😱

.

aren't we projecting a bit here? Just a little bit? 😂

It doesn't necessarily, not in a relationship context where its hardly unheard of for partners to become deeply insecure when their partner loses weight or picks up fitness.

Umm - I think your comment was funny - but that’s sorta my own downfall in relationships . However, suggesting you’d like a 10’’ Chode is clearly mainly unrealistic so he should have perhaps not taken it so badly. But it’s a sensitive subject - as is looking as if you’re aging.
I like to think there are relationships out there that have no changes or challenges when bodies alter, but just continue to think the other is beautiful - I saw it with my parents - maybe I’m unrealistic.
You just need to both find a sorry to say I think and agree it was just an argument leading to poor words, not rooted in real feelings/thoughts.
Despite being old I knew what chode was as my young teen relative and mates were saying it in my hearing so I asked 🙈 never heard it elsewhere before though.

I don’t understand your comment to the poster, the op is clearly not thin,

no, you are right

Having a partner means you NEVER EVER make any comment about them ever! You don't have an opinion, you just let them get on with it, you pretend you are blind and you can't see them

And if you see them lose more weight than they ever have, you pretend you didn't notice and you make no comment, EVER

😂

he said she's too thin, she looks old now, and he doesn't fancy her any longer. Nasty, cunty, spiteful remarks, seated in deep jealously...
the only one who said that is you btw, not even the OP. That's not even projecting at that level 😂

Wow, calm down, internet hyperbole gone mad.

No I don’t think so. She’s right.

Rapid weight loss is frequently aging, it’s the sagging face that does it. You asked and he answered truthfully, you flew off the handle. Sounds like you were both quite mean.

Huh? I genuinely don’t understand what you’re getting at.

oh ok, if you say so, you know everything don't you 😂

You pushed him for his opinion and he gave it. You flew off the handle and took things to a much more personal level. Commenting on someone’s cock being too small is deeply personally insulting and most of all - something that can’t be changed. You have changed - he has been used to you one way and now you are quite different.

A lot of weight loss can age people quite a bit.

You were nasty and it was completely uncalled for.

I think that's the crux of it.

Right. Are women such lemmings with internalised misogyny that they think it’s perfectly ok for their partners to tell them they look unsexy and old as they’re “just being honest”.

But honesty about his dick is beyond the pale.

It’s almost as if women are used to insults particularly from men and accept them.

It’s the mumsnet way

I have yoyoed with my weight since I met my husband. As has he. Both slim when starting out, both got rather large, both now smaller, though I’m aiming to lose a bit more. Our attraction to each other hasn’t really changed. There are some times I’ve found it less ‘sexy’, for example when he was a lot bigger than me (as it made sex a bit more difficult), and similarly times when I’ve been considerably bigger than him. But I’ve never voiced that and neither has he. We’ve always had a very active sex life regardless of our sizes. So in answer to your question, (if it was true of course), there would be no need for her DH to blurt “you look sexy, it’s the best you’ve ever looked”…he would just say he found her attractive regardless.

IF he was actually concerned about her health and not just her size, he’d have mentioned it once and asked about her health markers - like blood pressure - and when she said she was feeling confident, that should have been enough. But he didn’t, he kept going on and on. And that’s nasty.

He doesn’t have to find OP attractive anymore, no one is saying that, but if she’s happy, then she’s not going to change just for him so he should do the OP a favour and piss off!

dh is a knob

The only question she asked was did he still find her attractive. And he answered yes to that. And she asked that after he'd been going on about her being too thin.

Then when he said he still found her attractive, he decided to tell her she looked older with the weight loss.

He can take a criticism of his cock surely, since he likes to dish it out.

Correct.