Big row with DH over my weight

[Prickleitch]

Hi

last night I had a huge argument with DH about my weight loss. To give you some context, I am 5‘8“ tall and five months ago I was over 16 stone. I’ve always been quite a curvy girl and when I met DH I was probably around 12 stone so not slim but not massive either. having children and getting a bit older saw me put the pounds on and I decided last year that I had to do something about. Obviously some of this was vanity driven but also my blood pressure was a bit high and I didn’t want to just keep getting bigger. I have been taking Mounjaro which I have paid for privately and when I got on the scales two days ago for my most recent weighin I weighed 10 stone and 12 lb. This is the latest I’ve been in my adult life and I feel happy with this weight.

last night, DH made a comment about me looking too thin. He kept on about it so I asked him if he still found me attractive. He said that he didn’t find me unattractive but that he definitely thought I was sexier when I had a bit more weight on me. He then made a comment about how he thinks the weight loss has made me look a bit older. They sent me into a rage. Whilst we all have our personal preferences but he seems to be forgetting that I was 16 stone with high blood pressure.

It was at this point that all hell broke loose and I said some pretty nasty things to DH. I’m not proud to admit this but after the comments to me I screamed back at him “well I would like a husband with a 10 inch cock but here I am getting on with things with your chode”

he thinks I’ve crossed a line. AIBU to feel that his comments to me were unfair ?

It’s American slang.

According to Google anyway. I’m surprised her DH knew what it meant.

Hahaha sorry OP chode just spat my coffee out good for you he’s insecure about the weight loss but will be even more so now you don’t think his pecker is big enough 😬

Oh well op, all you were doing is expressing your views over his size. This is apparently absolutely fine so if you should be ok with his opinion, he should be fine with yours 👍

Am just checking so for some a dh is asked their opinion about weight loss, they give it and they are awful and terrible and mean.
the dw says something purposely bitchy to hurt her dh and it’s totes hilarious and yay! go her?

I'd never heard the word "chode" before either - it's like toad mixed with chore.

I think you probably both regret what you said and can get past it if you have a generally good relationship otherwise.

At least now you're smaller it'll look bigger ;)

except expressing concerns about someone losing a lot of weight and very quickly - sorry but 6 stones in 5 months is a lot in a very short time - is normal, nothing to do with being "insecure", what a lot of nonsense

And no, I am not jealous, I weight less than 10 stones, so I have nothing to be jealous of.

all celebs who lose that much weight (or even maintain) have a lot of work done to their face, so saying you look older is not a nasty attack.

The comment on his cock? Pathetic

I think you're between a rock and a hard place OP and it's obviously a sensitive subject in general. You were mean but frankly I don't buy that he was 'expressing concern'. Telling someone they look older when they are, in fact, getting older is also mean.

She didnt ask his opinion on her weight loss though.

Like I keep pointing out - he gave his opinion without initially being asked for it and then continued to go on about it, so naturally (IMO), she then asked if that meant he found her unnattractive.

As per the OP: “last night, DH made a comment about me looking too thin. He kept on about it so I asked him if he still found me attractive”

He bloody deserved what he got!

Laughing at Chode - haven’t used that word in a loooooong time 😂
OP I do think weight loss can sometimes age people I don’t think your DH was a dick for saying so.

I was told the same-arse or face following an 11st loss via a gastric bypass (having lost 9st through ‘natural’ means, extreme change of diet/3 sport/riding sessions a day then putting it all back on following a horrible accident) My family told me I risked looking older. I know, being mid fifties, that my face has suffered, I have permanent lines and a turkey neck but am now unlikely to be in a mobility scooter in a decade. Swings and roundabouts.

Given the OP has made a fab effort to become healthier, it’s a shame (?) her dh was so honest, but she asked, he was honest! I can understand she’s proud of her achievement, rightly, but she’s lashed out and been vindictive and personal because of spite. Big apology required!

but saying to someone close that they are looking too thin is a mark of concerns, not spite.

6 stones in 5 months is great, but give it another 2 or 3 months at that rate, it won't look that healthy. Now is a great time to start expressing concerns.

Sounds like you were both horrid to each other.

The most important thing is your lower blood pressure, lower visceral fat and healthy BMI. Health comes first

Is he overweight? Feeling threatened by your new confidence and lust for life?

Two wrongs don't make a right, that's what I've taken from your post.

He wasn't asked. He started the conversation and wouldn't let it drop.

You sound awful TBH.

I don't think there's anything more terrible about screaming about a man's nob than him screaming about a woman's breasts or arse or whatever.

I just think people who treat each other like this are quite sad.

Second thought: doesn't sound like you like each other much so maybe just call it quits and find other people to have sex with?

She didn't ask until he kept going on that she looked too thin.

OP's husband made an unasked for comment about her being too thin. In fact, he "kept on about it", so not just a single comment.

OP then asked him if he still found her attractive.

He said yes but not as much as when she was overweight.

Just for free he added another unsolicited comment about her looking older.

She provides him with some unasked for criticism about his small cock.

OP, you still owe him a personal criticism if you want to even it up.

Of course he thinks you crossed a line after all there's nothing wrong with telling your wife (who has not asked him for his opinion about her weight) she's too thin and looks older, but say anything about a man's cock? Well, that's beyond the pale.

Ops weight is almost in the middle of the healthy zone according to nhs bmi charts.

The guy met her, married her and had kids with her when she was heavier - according to the OP

Have you stopped for 1 tiny second what the OP would feel if he had blurted: finally you look sexy, it's the best you've ever looked? 😂

For her height, the OP could easily go down to 8 stones, especially if it's just weight loss, not getting toned or anything. Just because 8 stones would be fine and not even "skinny", it doesn't have to mean it should be encourage or she would look her best.

Her DH is concerned, as he should be. The rage and nastiness was uncalled for and red flag frankly.

Chode 😂

He could have said nothing, that was always an option, and none of the following would have happened.

Whatever made him think that telling his wife she was too thin was a good idea.

OP hasn't covered herself in glory here with losing her temper (far better to say it coolly), but he got what he deserved.

Do you honestly think he was ‘concerned’ that at 10st 12lb his wife is ‘too thin’? What utter bullshit. He wanted to make you feel bad and self-conscious about your weight loss, OP. Is he overweight himself?

No, they get that complex from toxic patriarchal BS that harms everyone, but temptingly easy to just blame women and/or girls eh?