Family member sells gifts on Vinted - what would you do?

[LeChiffre26]

My SIL sells gifts we have given her and her family on Vinted. We take time and thought with gifts. It's disheartening to see this. She does not need the money! What would you do? Let her know you have seen them? Just stop giving gifts? Just give her any old thing?

I do this, as after years of telling IL’s that I cannot use XYZ due to allergies they still continue to buy XYZ so thoughtless gifting and not respectful at all.

If she liked the gifts she would keep them. Have you actually asked what she would like or are you guessing? Can you ask her spouse why she doesn’t keep your gifts and if there’s anything they can suggest you do in future?

Well, the thing is, when someone gives you something, it’s yours. Which means you do with it what do you want.

Don’t give her little stuff..

Oooh I love this! I’d be very pleased to receive any of these but especially the holly bushes!

It's upsetting but presumably she didn't mean for you to see, and better than throwing things away.
Next time maybe stick to alcohol and boxes of chocolate.

I’m about to put some stuff on Vinted that I got for Xmas. It is stuff from people that I consider to be quite tacky/tasteless but I would never tell them as who wants to be hurtful? Homeware especially is really personal…I think maybe take the hint and do vouchers next time. It might be that it’s just not her taste.

I would either ask her what she would like directly next year, or buy consumables / give a voucher as PPs suggest. Booze is a good one as it cannot be resold on sites like Vinted, if the concern is making sure she keeps it.

We occasionally resell gifts but this is usually because they are duplicate gifts for DS (this could be avoided by asking us what he likes & doesn’t have - most family members did this year, but we ended up with a few duplicates last year). If it’s something that was for DS then we use the proceeds to buy him something he doesn’t have, so it’s not like we sell his gifts then spend the money on ourselves. We live in a lovely but cosy terraced cottage, so just don’t have the room to keep duplicates.

I do try to at least keep things I’m bought for a year, but DH’s niece (early 20s) used to buy me candles that set my asthma off 😬 so those would be discreetly resold, there’s no real nice way of saying thanks for the candle but it stopped me breathing !

Would one way of broaching it perhaps be to say “I hope you liked your gift SIL, but if it didn’t fit / you already have one (etc) I have the gift receipt if you need to swap it - so don’t worry about asking me!” - that would at least open up the dialogue?

I would follow her on Vinted with a profile that is obviously you.
Or buy one of the items.

Then suggest you stop buying gifts for each other as it's not working out.

Buy them off her

Tbh I'd just stick with the big things and drop the little surprises or give cash instead of those.

I do resell stuff I don't want (or regift. If it's something dc doesn't want I'll give them the money). Better than rejecting the gift or binning surely?! But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate the kindness of the giver.

I think gift giving unless you know someone incredibly well is very difficult. Even consumables - I am frequently gifted alcohol when anyone who vaguely knows me knows I've been tee-total all my life. My SIL and BIL would probably regift most chocolate or stuff like that because they're really strict about avoiding upf.

Buy them and gift them to her again next year, forever.

Other suggestions for gifts that can't be sold on Vinted - flowers or plants or a personalised photo book or calendar. Or a generic calendar that you write on the square for her birthday saying 'happy birthday Julie'. Or a selection of cheeses.

I think the whole gifting thing is tricky… I’m someone who much prefers giving gifts to receiving them and will spend ages trying to find the right thing…however I know I don’t always get it right!!
Last year I gifted a friend some lovely hand creams and on my birthday a couple of months later I unwrapped her present to me to find it was exactly the same set of hand creams I’d given her 🤣🤣🤣.. it was actually very funny and I don’t think deliberate at all on her behalf!! Probably like me she has a present/gift drawer and I actually love receiving a gift that I can put in my drawer for a school raffle/market etc. Just realised that makes me sound very old 🤣
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is don’t take it personally, I’m sure she was very happy to receive the gifts you and the family gave her but if she knows she won’t use them then she is still getting joy from the money she’ll receive in selling them if that makes sense. And like others have said maybe next year get her vouchers or something like an orchid or plant!

She could easily donate to a charity shop instead! Don’t think that would feel so bad.

And then give them to her

Exactly. Show her the true spirit of Christmas with a demonstration of how morally superior you consider yourself and how you disapprove of what she does with your 'carefully chosen' gifts.

Why not also conduct monthly house inspections to ensure she still has the item and is appreciating it sufficiently.

Many years ago I bought my housemate a really lovely picture frame (she'd mentioned she wanted some) for her birthday. A couple of months later I found said picture frame in our local charity shop, with the birthday card I'd given her inside.
Can you guess what she got from me for Christmas? 😂

I'd not bother putting any effort into buying her gifts in future, OP (although I might also be tempted to buy one of the things she's got listed on Vinted).

Can you buy the gift yourself so she sees your name/ address. Don't say a word just buy it.

So she has to chuck it in the bin and add to landfill?

We all have so much stuff, especially as we get older, and what you are giving her is missing the mark, so she is naturally going to donate or sell it or stick it in the wardrobe.

Either ask or go for vouchers or something generic like wine, but as her husband what she wants.

This is why gift giving is such a minefield. Anything home made I feel a bit uncomfortable with because people have such wildly differing standards in their home kitchens and I'd be a bit unsure about homemade alcohol (is methanol poisoning not a possibility if they mess it up?). A plant would be lovely but I wouldn't put Holly in my garden while I have small children. I like vouchers but not for experiences, I find them stressful trying to use/ remember them.

Not bother buying any new presents?

I manage to lose my gift vouchers frequently!

Sorry if this makes you feel bad but I'd consider this pretty standard. I regularly regift things I've been given that I don't want or like (sorry but if you're my friend and you have a birthday in Jan or Feb you're almost certainly getting a regifted Christmas present I didn't want! This is even less effort than selling on Vinted and using the money from that to buy something new 😅) Personally I'd ignore it and either just make less effort next year (gift voucher?? I never regift those 😅) or ask her what she wants.

No sane person would actually do this.

It is perfectly possible to be grateful someone thought of you, appreciate that they have bought you a gift but it to miss the mark for whatever reason. What do you think she should do with gifts she doesn't like or won't use? Throw them in the bin?

I dont see the problem. Youve bought her something she doesnt want but doesnt want to seem ungrateful so sells it uses the money for whatever. What would you prefer she did?

Once you give a gift. It isnt yours anymore. And i think she can do what she likes with it.