Family member sells gifts on Vinted - what would you do?

[LeChiffre26]

My SIL sells gifts we have given her and her family on Vinted. We take time and thought with gifts. It's disheartening to see this. She does not need the money! What would you do? Let her know you have seen them? Just stop giving gifts? Just give her any old thing?

I do sell unwanted gifts on Vinted but after a year of them sitting in my wardrobe unused. I have sold the gifts from my FIL because they have obviously been regifted. My son did get some inappropriate gifts which have been sold on Vinted because my husband refuses to ask for the receipt.

But to put them straight on Vinted is very rude. Can you buy them an experience next time? Trip to the theatre or day trip?

Just stop giving her anything and tell her why

How do you know she sells them? Do you follow her on Vinted? I refuse to have my MIL on my Vinted as I do not want her analysing what I am selling

I would stop giving gifts to adults in the family and ask what the children want or need.
Adult gifts are a minefield. Most people I know have stopped now. We all have too much "stuff" and don't need any more stuff cluttering up the place. I treat myself to some books at Christmas and I'd rather people bought themselves something nice than spent the money on me.
"Thoughtful" gifts often aren't that thoughtful and miss the mark. I've received things in the past relating to my outdoor activities which, while thoughtful because they were related to something I do a lot of, were in fact not usable at all because I have a lot of specific requirements relating to weight and size of items in particular. I had to sell or give away all of those things because they just weren't suitable for what I do.

It’s not working out for you. You are spending time, money and mental energy and she isn’t getting anything she wants or needs and has the work of getting rid of them. It’s really a case of one persons thoughtful is another persons clutter. She hasn’t done anything particularly wrong - it’s not like she’s unwrapping something and saying “urgh! That’s going straight on vinted” It’s completely pointless keeping stuff you don’t like or want in your house so it’s either sell, donate or bin. Are you buying too much? A big thing (that she wants) plus little things (that she doesn’t) sounds a lot for an adult unless it’s boyfriend/girlfriend gifts and you are under about 23.

I’d cut right down - buy one thing you know she wants and give her a gift receipt. Stop trying to upscale your gift with add-ons she doesn’t want. Either that or suggest no gifts or offer something like theatre tickets.

Im interested to know what people who think this is outrageous and rude and deserving of passive aggressive shaming do with unwanted gifts. I’ve tried to stop my mum buying me stuff for years but I can’t do it and close to 100% end up in the charity shop. This year I got 3 genuinely “thoughtful” gifts (not from mum) that are either duplicates of things I’ve already got or just miss the mark. Do I hang onto them forever?

I've done this. My mum bought me a bag which I really didn't like (I always tell people to get me a voucher or I'm happy not to receive a gift as I don't need anything). I am fussy and I know I wouldn't use it. I hate waste and I love buying things on vinted as it's more ethical to buy pre loved so I sell things I don't want and buy things I do with the money I've made. Unfortunately my nephew who is on vinted told my mum! She knows what I'm like so luckily she wasn't offended and just laughed.

This is the problem when people think they’re buying these super thoughtful, wonderful gifts…just because you think they’re that doesn’t mean anyone else does. I see posts like this time and time again.

Don't give the little gifts on the side.
It sucks that she doesn't appreciate them, but now you know. No need to bring it up. Just adjust to give the requested present

I get quite a few 'thoughtful' gifts from people who either have got my allergies mixed up e.g. 'I got you a jasmine scented body wash set' (jasmine sets my allergies off...) or get me something that they think is appropriate for my age e.g. a head scarf!
All these gifts make their way to various charity shops far away from where the giver lives. I suspect that your SiL doesn't like the gifts and has seen that it's possible to sell and get cash for them. She may well be using the money to buy something she actually wants or needs. Not your place to question, you've gifted it and she can do whatever she wants with it.

It wouldn't bother me that much (I'd view it mostly the same as donating) but I'd wish she would tell me right away that she can't use the item because it might be returnable/exchangeable and she could get something she does want without the Vinted hassle. But then, maybe she'd rather have the money. In this case, if the big presents are working I'd just stick to those. But if it still bothers you, could your spouse (if it's spouse's sister) or sibling (if sibling's wife) shed any light/ask her what she really wants?

You say you ‘take time and thought‘ with choosing gifts, but clearly you’re thinking in the wrong direction if you’re repeatedly buying things your SIL doesn’t like or have any use for. Why should she keep things in her home that she doesn’t want or use? If they’re not things she’ll use, why shouldn’t she sell them to buy something she does like/need? Would you be equally offended if she was exchanging them in store?

If I were you, I’d take the hint and either ask her for a list or simply give her gift vouchers for a store she likes every year, because clearly you aren’t able to guess what she likes.

People are different in what they do with unwanted gifts, Some will leave them around, unused and gathering dust. I do this as I feel guilty. That’s kind of silly though to feel guilty that you don’t like/won’t use something you didn’t ask for.

Others will sell/regift/donate/throw away unwanted stuff,

What would you rather people do @LeChiffre26?

Gift buying is hard and sometimes we’re spot on and others we miss the mark. I always receive at least one WTF thing for Xmas and birthday.

Our family does a list now on an app. We share the list and buy bits off it or get ideas. it works well for us.

I have one particular friend who keeps buying me things she thinks I’ll find funny and often on a particular theme. She’s always so pleased she’s found me something we both find hilarious but I don’t and I don’t know how to tell her because I’m a chicken so I’ve got all this novelty stuff in a drawer.

Exactly. Your idea of ‘thoughtful’ is not the same as mine!

Buy them from her and get home delivery 🤣

Yeah it really is. I now will only buy if given a specific list to chose things from and I also do not want random stuff given to me. Luckily I have what I need on the whole/

We had a few years of not buying for adults (me and my siblings). But we have reverted back to gift giving. None of us exchange lists. I got my 3 sisters things I know they love and they got me things I love. It's not 'random stuff' - we know each other well, so even if it's just a bottle of our favourite body wash or a candle it's nice to be a part of the gift exchanging. I am well able to buy what I need and are my siblings, but we enjoy the giving and receiving of gifts. And I think it's nice that our children have grown up seeing adults share the joy of being thought of.

I’d let her know you’ e seen her do this and suggest no gift exchanges in future.

Either suggest you stop exchanging to save on waste

or give her a £20 m&s gift voucher in a card.

£20 in cash for kids savigns or.to but whatever toy they want.

My issie with he reselling is just the waste.
If you paid £40 she's probably selling for £2]
..

@Moonflower12yes I was quite surprised by the level of excitement about the holly bushes but dp wasn’t and he’s bashing the berries up right now for the next batch. They take 2/3 years to germinate or something.

i didn’t make the gin we just put it in big kilner jars with the sloes/damsons we picked this year and kept in the freezer.

Stop buying.
Honestly we have so little room to house our gifts this year, admitidly our house is tiny. So many Sweets, biscuits, toiletries etc.

Will save most for dds work place summer fair but it feels such a waste of the buyers money I really wish they wouldn't.

I have sold gifts. 2 bedroom bungalow that needs to be kept tidy due to my wheelchair - I need way more space than a person walking does to get around. I can’t have excess stuff. By all means buy me cheese or fancy GF food I wouldn’t normally buy but being bought giant house plants, giant cuddly toys, enormous train tables for the kids etc - they can’t stay.

You’re obviously buying stuff they don’t like/want. At least she’s selling them rather than put them in the bin. So either change what you’re buying, stop buying altogether or give vouchers.

Good for her. She clearly doesn't like clutter or waste. And she can buy something she wants or needs with the cash, so all good. You should be pleased. Obviously it would save time and energy if the gifts were wanted in the first place. I now get food/drink for relatives, much easier.

I have a really lovely friend who always manages to buy me something I don't want for my birthday. It's usually a scarf or sometimes a bag. I eBay them. I couldn't hurt her by saying I don't like them. It was really kind and bought with the best intentions. We don't spend a lot on each other (under £20) - I know she usually buys my present from TK Maxx which is totally fine, but it is never something that I would choose to wear.

I don't see the point of leaving them in a drawer for years unused and would never want to hurt her by suggesting we stop the presents. The money I make goes on my next eBay purchase.