Family member sells gifts on Vinted - what would you do?

[LeChiffre26]

My SIL sells gifts we have given her and her family on Vinted. We take time and thought with gifts. It's disheartening to see this. She does not need the money! What would you do? Let her know you have seen them? Just stop giving gifts? Just give her any old thing?

Buy them back 😂

Would you mind if she gave them to a charity shop instead?

A friend I have known since childhood won’t hear of us not buying Christmas and birthday presents for each other. The problem is we have very different tastes and she admits that she buys things that she likes! I spend days trying to find something I think she will like but I never see the item, or experience, being put to use. As a result over the years I have ended up with drawers full of handbags, purses, scarves and jewellery that have never been used. Just before Christmas I put it all on eBay and feel no guilt.

I suggest OP, that you have the conversation about stopping gifts, and tell them that you know they are selling them. It may be an all round relief to not have to keep up this expensive pretence.

Are you talking about Christmas gifts? Increasingly I don't want any gifts at Christmas! I regift a lot of my gifts or save for school tombolas. A couple of family members insist on gift giving but surely we can all buy our own stuff?

Christmas presents are for kiddies eh, it's a financially burdensome time of year as it is without adult gifts to worry about.

I'd take the hint and say to her not to buy Christmas gifts for each other. I'm actually with your sister in this one lol! Trust me you'll feel better for it and wish you'd done it ages ago.

Stick to consumables or vouchers, most adults have most things they want and the rest is just clutter.

I used to receive toiletry gift sets from my BIL every year for Christmas. I used to sell them on eBay. I can't use most toiletries, as I suffer from eczema. Yes, he'd been repeatedly told. In the end we stopped gifts altogether with him. I'd rather people asked me what I wanted.

Well if she does like them, why should she keep them? What do you think she should do with it?

My first choice would be to negotiate stopping present swaps/reducing the number. Maybe even a family Secret Santa, for adults at least. If you don't want to do that or think it wouldn't be viable, vouchers.

yes, I’d let her know I had seen, I’d let family members now too, and I’d hope everyone agrees not to bother gifting her going forward. Or better yet, I’d buy her some tat for £3 from Vinted next year and give it to her with a receipt so she can see where it cam from.

Just agree not to exchange gifts. However thoughtful you think they are, you're obviously buying things they don't want so why should they have them cluttering up their house? Or have to use something they don't like or isn't suitable?

What would you do if someone gave you something you hated? Wear a jumper that didn't suit, display a picture you didn't like, eat something not to your taste etc etc?

We do luxury food hampers - no allergies amongst friends so it’s a safe bet. We would not give vouchers to friends but did to younger members of the fsmily. No gifts between anyone much over 50. I would always take flowers if visiting though and some wine. I’m happy to not receive things I don’t want and Dsis was definitely regifting so I’m glad we stopped buying for each other.

My Dil does this on Facebook marketplace. Gifts i have got her and gifts/clothes that i have given to dgc. Its so rude imo but i genuinely don’t think she sees it that way, she is very ocd about clutter and tidying so i think its probably just an extension of that! I must admit its very irritating to see something expensive that i got for dgc up for sale two months after their birthday!

I don't see the problem. You gifted her something, she appreciated the thought but had no use/want for the item so rather than bin it, she's selling it on to someone who will get use out of it. What else would you want/expect her to do? If something isn't what you want/need would you just keep it indefinitely taking up space out of guilt or obligation?

This. Maybe your gifts just aren't to her taste or she just doesn't want a gift at all?

Christmas presents are such a minefield. You get multiples of things you’ve already got. Things you can’t use such as toiletries or clothing that doesn’t fit. Things that you’ve politely said are nice in a friends home but wouldn’t be right in yours. Some years ago I had a family member requesting specific things as their gifts (no issue with that) but stating they’d already bought mine which fell into the above!

So it’s 3 days post the new year and your gifts are on vinted by someone who is a parent themselves and doesn’t appear to need the money?

STOP GIFTING.

Yes once a gift is given you don’t control its destiny but this is beyond transactional. You hand her gifts she goes right home and prepares them for listing and then sells for cash. Teach your dc and her dc that you can celebrate Christmas is a very spirited fun way without gifts. Their gifts are at home under their tree from santa and their parents. Find something else to do…a rowdy game or puzzles or a hide and seek in the house for a box of small cash gift. Use the time you would have spent shopping for gifts for planning the activity

and if she asks why….dsil I saw our gifts in vinted 3 days after the new year. Clearly the gifting isn’t working.

I personally hate vouchers…give money to a company to invest and profit from while the voucher waits to be used and hope the recipient uses them and doesn’t lose them.

Don’t say anything, they are hers to do what she likes with. She is declutterring her home and getting some money for it. Now you know some of the things you buy are not needed, either buy one bigger item that you consult her on or give her a voucher. I regift 80% of the gifts I get (I’m not organised enough to resell them) because I like what I like and I would much rather choose my own stuff. Vouchers are the best gifts for me. That said, it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the thought or effort someone has gone through to get me the gift…in fact I love getting a hand written note, a nicely packaged gift, the thought someone has put into getting me whatever. Just because I don’t necessarily like the item itself does not mean I don’t appreciate or understand the thoughts and good intentions behind it.

I would give her something you know will fetch a good price on Vinted, and add a note - "Hope you have fun re-selling this, and use the money to buy something your heart desires."

I often read on here that when you hand over the gift it's theirs to do what they like with it, often voiced is charity shop or sell on vinted. Probably best that it's not going in that famous landfill often mentioned on here.

Are you upset that she's getting rid of things or that she's making money off them?

Either way I think everyone needs to have a chat about scaling back. Either do secret Santa or cap at once gift each.

Some people really mis the mark when buying gifts. You are buying gifts she doesn't want/need. Stop buying the gifts or ask for more guidance.

I’m a bit disillusioned with gift giving now. It’s expensive to buy for everyone and then you get a load of random stuff back for the same value, I’d rather just keep my money.

the only person I buy for now is my mum, I try and stick to experience gifts - tickets etc, but even this year I struggled and got her some luxury cinema vouchers and could tell that they missed the mark. Just a waste of money

Give her a book token next year.

She would be getting nothing from me from now on.

I have always taken the attitude with gifts that once it has been given to the recipient then it's theirs to do with whatever they wish keep it, be burried with it or sell it. I don't care.

I do always tried to buy thoughtful gifts but if it's not what they want/need then crack on and sell it. Life's too short to agonize over unwanted gift's.