Anyone else ruin Christmas because they were drunk?

[Newyearnewmewoooop]

Officially hit rock bottom. Ruined Christmas for
my children due to my behaviour when drunk. Full of self loathing and I have finally got to the point of realising that I can’t drink alcohol again.

Day 1 of being sober.

My only advice would be make sure you get some professional help to help support you. As a child of a parent who is an alcoholic it can have a terrible effect on children. We are now adults, relationships are strained and we have issues and worries because of the drinking. It's not fun.

Don't be too hard on yourself. At least you know there's a problem and you are doing something about it.

I’ve been the child in this situation with both parents drinking heavily and then bickering and ruining many a Christmas it really is traumatic for children as they have no control over what is happening @Newyearnewmewoooop well done for acknowledging it has to stop and hopefully this is the last time

As a child of an alcoholic, I dreaded Christmas and New Year as my Dad would get ratarsed and be a complete d1ck. When I hear people having lovely memories of childhood Christmasses, I can't relate. My mum thankfully divorced him as a teenager, so they did get better, but due to the trauma of Christmasses past, she really didn't go all out at Christmas.
My own kids are adults now, and Ive always tried to make it special for them when they were kids.
My Dad died years back of alcoholism. I have very few good memories of him, sadly. I hardly ever drink, and when I do, I don't get drunk. Drunk people annoy and scare me.
Please do this for yourself, your husband and your kids. Good luck OP, and please get support. Plenty of organisations that will help you x

Sorry to hear Christmas wasn’t good but well done on realising you need to make the change.

5th sober Christmas for me yesterday and they are so much better than drinking

I don’t think there’s any point in making you feel any worse about it. I gave up quietly three years ago and it’s been so good. Well the first year was dreadful because all the feelings I had ignored I then had to deal with sober (like you, didn’t drink daily or even weekly but found it hard to stop once I’d begun).

the thing is-you will definitely feel less bad about this in a week, so you need something to replace the shame as a motivator. Otherwise you’ll just go back to it, no matter how much you think you won’t.

i don’t know what did it for me-I just got fed up of denying that I was unhappy. And the fear of hangxiety suddenly became bigger than the desire to give in to the usual triggers.

I had an alcoholic parent and I didn’t make any connection until I’d given up.

it takes work; I won’t lie to you. Prioritising friends who won’t make you feel bad for not drinking. Not taking other people’s defensiveness personally. Finding new hobbies. Deadline with your issues, many of which you might have suppressed. You can’t do all of it at the same time, it’s a process and you may slip up.

Its possible and it’s 100% worth it in my opinion. I wish I’d done it years ago!

I had the exact same realisation after a mid forties birthday and haven’t drunk since.

one day at a time and if you even split second think about having a drink revert your mind to the precise feeling you have now.

So call AA today and make sure this really is a new chapter in your life.

Do not get distracted and do not wallow.

Put your family first.

Absolutely hanging out my arse!!!

Call AA.

Show your husband you really mean it.

What age are your children @Newyearnewmewoooop?
I too remember the dread of seeing my Dad drunk. Invariably every Christmas. And most weekends.
I didn’t like bringing friends home in case he arrived in drunk.
He was a functioning alcoholic and never did anything about it. He had a very tough life and worked really hard and was successful but the trauma was there 🥲
I understand that now but didn’t when younger.
My mother was a saint.
My younger siblings weren’t so bothered about it.

Stick with it op. My STBX husband ruined Christmas for many many years. My son and I had the first peaceful Christmas in memory without him this year and I've never felt better. He still tried to ruin by hitting the bottle to drown his sorrows because "we weren't supporting him". It's a selfish disease. I wouldn't wish living with it on my worst enemy.

@Newyearnewmewoooop come and join us on the AF thread. We’ve all knocked the booze on the head -or are trying to and it’s been really helpful for me. I can’t link it as I don’t know how!

I’m on holiday at the moment and yesterday I saw a very drunk mother dragging her scared crying and sad children all around the resort, the husband walked off they looked so sad, please stop drinking for your children’s sake it’s absolutely the pits for the kids

Hey OP, 3 and a bit years sober here with a host of awful Christmas memories thanks to my drinking under my belt.

The fact that you recognise that you have a problem is such a massive step - so many people don't. And the fact that you've spoken to your husband is so, so positive, well done. Make sure you seek support, for me that looked like

• AA meetings - I didn't get a sponsor or work the steps, but at the beginning it kept me accountable, I also preferred online women only meetings to in person. My partner (10 years sober), went to a SMART recovery programme which got him started on his journey.

• Brutal, and I mean brutal honestly with friends and (eventually) close family about my drinking. I was a secret drinker so a lot of my friends had no idea how bad things were got. People think alcoholics are vagabonds walking the streets with a can of 9% cider, not the nice middle class lady who (in their eyes) rather enjoys the sherry!

• An ADHD assessment - this helped me get some understanding behind the 'why' of my drinking, alongside a lot of other issues I've faced throughout my life.

• Sugar. At the beginning of my sobriety I binged on sugar and sweets - this is super common. I let myself because a bag of haribo was better than a bottle of vodka! Eventually the sugar cravings subside.

• The reddit 'stop drinking' forum, which is honestly one of the loveliest most supportive places on the web - also really good for advice for people around the world.

The reddit forum also gave me one of my favourite quotes which is 'rock bottom is only when you stop digging'. It also taught me about 'pink clouding' which is where after a period of sobriety, usually a few months, you feel so great and confident in your ability not to drink that you figure you are absolutely able to moderate again because you can clearly stop at any time. The last time I tried to moderate I was secretly day drinking within 2 weeks.

I think that's enough of a ramble from me, but good luck, and please, please DON'T hate yourself. Show yourself love and care, taking each day as it comes. All the best.

Go to SMART or AA. They both do plenty of online meetings if you don’t want to go in person

Not helpful. Someone drinking a lot at Christmas is totally different from someone who drinks a lot all the time 🙄

That is heartbreaking 🥲

Be kind to yourself today. So many of us have been there. I ruined so many days. So much stuff I don’t even remember now.

It does get better. Trust me. There is a whole new wonderful life out there in sobriety.

I was drinking 3 bottles of wine a day, every day, when I quit. I’ve just done my 3rd sober Christmas and 3rd sober birthday. Both are so much better without alcohol. Holidays sober? So much more relaxing and refreshing.

It’s so hard to see it now because you can’t see over the horizon yet. But you will have no regrets about making this change. It’s genuinely one of the best things I’ve ever done. My kids actually tell people now that I don’t drink because they think it’s really cool.

If you need support, look up Bee Sober and join. It’s a wonderful group of ladies.

I too ruined a lot of Christmas's, the guilt and shame were unbearable, I ruined many days with alcohol, good luck with your sobriety, I really mean it,I hit rock bottom and lost everything 20 years ago,if I can do it,the mess I was,so can you!

You can do it, for yourself, if you mean it.

As a daughter of a pig, drunk father, trapped living with him for 22 years, I also have been a binger and a (disgusting) drunk.
Sober for six years now, after realising how miserable life I was causing to my decent, generous husband. At 42, I stopped coping with the stuff anyway.
I was where you were, even on my wedding day.

Best of luck to you. ❤️

Well done OP for recognising the problems and wanting to start doing something about them. I’m pretty much teetotal, but my XH was/is an alcoholic. It destroyed us, the family, events etc. Even now, 7 years on from when I was with him, if I smell spirits on someone’s breath, I start to shake (XH did a serious number on me).

The people I know who have successfully maintained sobriety have been those who have got support, and been completely honest and committed to their recovery. They’ve spoken to family and friends about wanting to get sober/stay sober and get regular and frequent support from groups like AA etc. I wish you all the best!

I have cancelled two evenings out with friends over the Christmas break as I don’t feel confident enough to be honest yet with them and be
able to be in an environment where people are getting drunk.

I have found an online AA group too. I’m already finding myself starting to make excuses and thinking of reasons why I can still drink on holidays etc, so I definitely need some external support as I know deep down that I have to stop

Online meetings are good but get yourself to a physical meeting, be surrounded by your fellows, it makes a huge difference.

Please tell your friends and family! It’s really important. I suspect at one level your reluctance is because it will make it more real and more difficult to then just “have a couple” as you have done repeatedly in the past.

Also have you apologised to your children and your husband for Christmas Day? Your children particularly because they haven’t forgotten. If they haven’t mentioned it and don’t seem to have been affected it’s because they desperately want everything to be okay and for you not to be scary again. They need to hear you say you are sorry and that you were very wrong and you know it was terrible for them and it was nothing they did and you love them.

I’ll wager @FromageTime that you grew up in a house where everyone had drinks from 1pm but paced themselves so no one was off their face drunk , slurring their words? cranky , difficult etc.

My home was the difficult one, my DH home was the other one where alcohol was part of the day but in a festive functional way.

The Op has described my mother every Christmas throughout my childhood and she is still doing it today - it’s massively destructive and has made me dread Christmas.

I love my mother but contrary to most people, I know when she goes , Christmas is the time when I don’t think I will miss her.