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Anyone else ruin Christmas because they were drunk?

194 replies

Newyearnewmewoooop · 26/12/2025 11:18

Officially hit rock bottom. Ruined Christmas for
my children due to my behaviour when drunk. Full of self loathing and I have finally got to the point of realising that I can’t drink alcohol again.

Day 1 of being sober.

OP posts:
YourZippyHare · 27/12/2025 18:13

I didn't.

I think of my stepdaughter's 'mother'.

Drank herself to an early death in her forties. An awful death - she caused an internal haemorrhage in herself and drowned in her own blood.

My husband doesn't remember her fondly, her daughter doesn't remember much other than her being drunk.

My FIL is/was an alcoholic and his kids are very low/no contact with him.

That is enough to put me off excessive drinking. Hope it helps you a little too.

Please don't continue to mess your kids up in this way. It is incredibly damaging. And it can become an intergenerational problem too.

FlowerFlour · 27/12/2025 19:13

I'm 7 years sober now after too many years of getting embarrassingly drunk at events. I didn't drink at home, or even every week, but when I drank, I DRANK.

One was never enough, so now I have none.

The first few months are the hardest. Mostly because I had to socialise sober and I'd never done that before. I felt very awkward without alcohol to deaden my inhibitions and shyness. But it's temporary. Now I can't even imagine drinking. I love going out, having nice conversations I'll remember the next day, not spending £150, driving home, and waking up refreshed in the morning.

The Easy Way to Reduce Alcohol by Allan Carr was a book that helped me. I also started therapy just after I quit and that was helpful too.

Good luck OP, you won't regret it.

cinnamonroll1 · 27/12/2025 19:55

Hi OP, I second the advice about meetings/forums where you can interact with and be accountable to others going through the same thing. Check out the Thrive online community - its
women only and so supportive.

Have a look at the concept of ‘emotional sobriety’ - it’s a way of getting your head around sobriety by seeing it as something you’re gaining, not losing out or ‘going without’

There are loads of sobriety podcasts - immerse yourself in those

Books - would highly recommend Bryony Gordon’s ‘Glorious Rock Bottom’, Annie Grace’s ‘This Naked Mind’ and Claire Pooley’s ‘The Sober Diaries’.

I’m seven months sober - best decision I ever made, the unexpected joys and massive relief are sooo so worth it, I promise.

Much love Flowers

rainbowunicorn · 27/12/2025 21:25

FromageTime · 26/12/2025 11:33

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Many people drink a lot of Christmas Day. We started on champagne at about 1 and drank all day! Obviously drinking to the point you can’t remember stuff, is not good, but I’d wager you are being paranoid because of that.

Really, really unhelpful post. It is quite obvious you know nothing about problem drinking. OP has acknowledged that she has a problem and this isn't the first time this has happened. She should be hard on herself, her children are livingbin a household where alcohol is a problem. That is never acceptable. OP dosent need people saying its all okay.

Cat1504 · 27/12/2025 21:28

Good luck 🍀 OP

PersonIrresponsible · 27/12/2025 21:31

Didn't drink everyday either, but I loved drinking. Thought it was a human right, that it was the only way to have fun. That people who didn't drink were boring. Hell, I was so good at it...

Went to AA just to have a break from the stuff - the hangovers were horrendous. The anxiety, the self-loathing...I didn't want to quit drinking, I just needed to get my life in order...

That was nearly ten years ago.

I've learnt the importance of not telling people, but showing people. Getting to a meeting, talking, connecting and not being judged - it was both terrifying and liberating.

AA destroyed my drinking career. For that alone I wake up truly grateful every day.

rainbowunicorn · 27/12/2025 21:54

Anonposter80 · 26/12/2025 11:43

Its great that you're taking accountability for it and acknowledging the effects on your children. My mother never did and Christmas after Christmas was ruined throughout my childhood due to her drinking. I grew up hating Christmas. I'm now 43 with children of my own and still get a knot in my stomach coming up to Christmas due to the anxiety it caused me as a child. You still have time to turn this around.
Please get whatever help and supprt you can to ensure that this never happens again. Best of luck x

This is so true. I grew up in a household where one of my parents was a problem drinker. Every Christmas was ruined by them.

disappearingfish · 27/12/2025 22:08

Good for you @Newyearnewmewoooop. Do get some outside help. It’s impossible to do it alone.

Quackquackquackery · 27/12/2025 22:32

"First you take a drink
Then the drink takes a drink
Then the drink takes you"

Ultimately, the only way we can control the negative impact of alcohol is by controlling that first drink by not having it.

Don't beat yourself up but do get sober. Good luck.

TicTac80 · 27/12/2025 22:37

It's really good that you've found an online group, see what face to face groups you can get into as well. Also, don't be scared about telling the people you know - friends, family etc - that staying sober is your journey now. Anyone who is decent and respectful will want to help support you. Try not to look for any excuses as to why you can have "just the one drink". From now on, just keep it to being teetotal. NB I know it isn't as easy as just that (I've seen how hard people work to maintain sobriety), but don't even look at having "just the one" as being ok.

I said in a previous post that I'm pretty much teetotal. I'm lucky that I've never had a problem with drinking per se. My problem (which I don't really view as a problem) is that I have a deficiency of the enzyme that breaks down alcohol (ergo quite a hefty intolerance to alcohol). I can manage maybe 1-2 units before it hits me. I might take a very small half glass of wine with a meal (definitely no more than 1unit), but I rarely do this (I can count on one hand the number of times I have had a drink in the past year). When going out with people who don't know me, this sometimes posed a problem (in the past) as they would expect me to join in with drinking (particularly if I wasn't driving), I'd have to stand my ground and refuse alcoholic drinks (so I understand the pressure from outside places). Sometimes people would try and put pressure on me to have a drink, or they wouldn't believe me when I said that it would make me ill. Luckily, my friends understand and will never try and foist drinks on me - they also understand the history I have with XH (who was an alcoholic) so they're brilliant about how they are around me.

I think also that these days society is more tolerant towards those who do like to stay sober on a night out. There are certainly more non alcoholic drinks available. A couple of decades back, I was seen a bit like a social pariah for sticking to soft drinks. There'd be "happy hour", lots of places would give out free drinks, I'd see a lot of drinking games etc (maybe this sort of stuff still exists, I don't know). There was a big expectation that people would drink (a lot of) alcohol on a night out. Not great at all. It got easier once I passed my driving test (they'd accept me not drinking as I was driving). I think now, the expectation and assumption that people drink/should drink is a lot less. So, I think all the more reason to speak up and say that you want to knock it on the head and stay sober (and that you need their support). I think speaking up about it is part of having the accountability - in the same way that my friend and I will egg each other on about getting housework done and dusted, or batch cooking done, or our exercise regime for the day all done!

It's really no bad thing being sober at events though: you're keeping healthy, you're in better control of situations etc. I love it: no hangover, no worry about how I'll get home (I just drive), I save a fortune, no being ill, I get a good sleep and wake refreshed in the morning....with clear memories of a good night/event. :)

Newyearnewmewoooop · 27/12/2025 22:44

Tomorrow we have a Christmas party at the Inlaws that I’m going to drive to, so that takes the pressure off

I will tell people but I don’t want to just yet as I want to get my head around being sober first. We are hosting massive party on New Year’s Eve which is going to be difficult, but my husbands suggested I get zero percent Prosecco which I will try. I have also told my kids that I will come up to bed with them after seeing in the new year, so I feel like I have a bit of a plan.

OP posts:
ItsDarkNow · 27/12/2025 23:05

Will your husband reduce his drinking too so that he can provide practical support?

Alpacajigsaw · 27/12/2025 23:21

My advice is read all the books and yes absolutely seek out some support but I was discerning who I told. Obviously 4.5 years on everyone now knows I’m sober but I have been selective in what I’ve shared and not always with those closest to me . Sometimes it’s easier to get to trust other people with the same issues. You just need to say to others you’re not drinking “for now”.

TicTac80 · 28/12/2025 06:26

They sound like good plans :)

Other excuses to not drink: say you're on meds (that aren't good to take with alcohol), driving of course, "decided to cut out alcohol for now", going on a health kick/whatever. Isn't there a Dry January thing? That'll be another thing for using if you're not ready to tell people yet.

From the people I know who have stopped problem drinking and gone sober, things that helped: it was taking it each day at a time, having support (from AA/similar and from good friends/family), having plans around events to avoid drinks etc. Also, hanging around people who don't drink and also getting back on the horse if they fell off it so to speak.

I've heard some people who try to stay sober avoid even the non-alcoholic versions of drink...others will have them but treat them as if they were real alcoholic drinks (i.e. not having them all day/everyday as if it was a soft drink). I have 0% stuff at home, but I treat it as if it does have alcohol in it, ergo will rarely have it. Nozecco is nice, but I love things like lime and soda, Schloer (very retro!), or the "posher" soft drinks you can get. In the end, once it's in a glass, it doesn't look dissimilar to alcoholic drinks anyway :)

humptydumptyfelloff · 28/12/2025 07:18

Sounds like your making good plans op.

just each time you go to reach for a glass or start telling yourself only one just picture your kids watching you hammered and being a nightmare and remember why your doing it.

although not now,my dad was a heavy daily drinker in my young and teen years and he was horrible when drunk
loud,obnoxious,nasty to mum,aggressively shouty when we were in bed.
I used to dread him coming home from the pub on a Saturday night and Sunday lunchtime and the atmosphere was always volatile so just remember that’s what your doing to your kids

pikkumyy77 · 28/12/2025 13:51

DrunkTwat25 · 26/12/2025 12:28

To answer the question in your title (and I realise that's not the actual point of your thread but it might make you feel better).

Yes, me.

DH got me a really shit gift, think tacky costume jewellery I don't even wear, didn't even bother to wrap it, just handed it to me. I sucked it up for a few hours but about 10pm something flipped and I let rip. I stormed out of the house in my slippers and spent 2 hours shivering on a bench. I eventually came home and we didn't speak. Now we're both trying to pretend nothing happened.

Sorry, that doesn't help you OP but you are not alone.

Jesus start your own thread and figure out how to live life as a happy person and not a ball of rage snd misery. Leave the husband. Join a support group. And start to live. If you were drunk and sitting outside for two hours you could have died.

gerispringer · 28/12/2025 14:27

My DH ruined many a family event, I think he realised that he had to stop at a make or break moment after a family evening . He telephoned the family members and apologised and promise to get help. He did. I phoned al anon and got support for myself. This as 5 years ago. We don’t have alcohol in the house and are healthier and happier. In the early days he would make a pint of sparkling mineral water with ice and lemon early in the evening and sip that, we also got interesting mixers to add to it. It broke the craving.

Newyearnewmewoooop · 29/12/2025 11:23

I did my first sober social event yesterday! I have cancelled going out tonight as it’s with a group of friends who drink a lot and I know I’m not strong enough to be in their company and not drink yet, but I’m proud that i managed yesterdays event

OP posts:
Scentmas · 29/12/2025 11:25

Amazing , well done you are making great strides

Hufflebuffs · 29/12/2025 18:59

Just to say I’m rooting for you, wishing you all the best for 2026. You are doing such a good thing. X

JimJonesLivesInMyHead · 29/12/2025 19:18

Good luck OP, I think what you are doing is amazing, and massively brave. Many congratulations on your first sober event! That's incredible X

Newyearnewmewoooop · 30/12/2025 14:03

Thank you everyone! I’m feeling really low today and full of self loathing. Husbands made a few comments about my behaviour on Christmas Day and I’m just feeling crap.

Just want to get tomorrow night out of the way, as I know it’s going to be really difficult. I reached out to a friend today and told her that I am sober, so at least I have made a start with letting people know

OP posts:
38thparallel · 30/12/2025 14:24

Thank you everyone! I’m feeling really low today and full of self loathing. Husbands made a few comments about my behaviour on Christmas Day and I’m just feeling crap.

i understand how you are feeling but drunken behaviour will provoke criticism as it affects others. That’s why alcoholism is so grim.
You can’t turn the clock back but you can put that behaviour behind you by staying sober - well done for making a start.
Have you been to an AA meeting? If not, do give it a try and maybe suggest AlAnon to your husband and children.

loganrock · 30/12/2025 14:40

You’re doing really well @NewyearnewmewoooopPut the past behind you. You have a wonderful future ahead if you allow it.

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 30/12/2025 17:53

How many times have you promised to stop before?

What are you going to do differently this time so that you stick to your sobriety? What made you not stick to it previously?

Your family will need to see the evidence that this time is different, especially if they have seen you remorseful before and then to slip back into bad habits. Dry January will help but you need to find a whole need set of habits (and maybe friends if all your socialising involves alcohol)

I feel this might be difficult to hear but are you safe to be around your children without causing them harm? Both physical and emotional. You can read on here the long term effects of children living with an alcoholic. Can you afford a trip to a treatment centre?

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