Anyone else ruin Christmas because they were drunk?

[Newyearnewmewoooop]

Officially hit rock bottom. Ruined Christmas for
my children due to my behaviour when drunk. Full of self loathing and I have finally got to the point of realising that I can’t drink alcohol again.

Day 1 of being sober.

Hi OP, you’ve done something brilliant by not drinking in such a booze filled time.

As for the comments from your husband - they sound quite a wanky thing to do. Do you think he may be deflecting to ignore his drinking amounts? If he’s a big drinker be careful he doesn’t try to pull you back to drink so he’s got an ally.

I went sober for 70 days once. My ExH told me I was boring…..I’ll never forget it. He didn’t like me drinking with friends, only with him and always judged me despite being a drinker himself.

You're doing amazing.

I have a different take @TheMentalMentalLoad when you have had to deal with an alcoholic ruining many social occasions it can be galling to just bite your tongue all the time. OP - I’d suggest your husband seeks help from Al-Anon to process his feelings.

Im not an alcoholic but i am an absolute dick when ive had a few drinks so i just dont drink anymore. I enjoy my non alcoholic cocktails and posh elderflower drinks.

interested in some elderflower recommendations @tillylulaif you wouldn’t mind?

Op as the daughter of an alcoholic who was greatly misunderstood, you have done astonishingly well by having this much self reflection. Well done for admitting it- this is all anyone ever wants. You don't need to hate yourself, just don't drink anymore. You know now that you can't, onwards and upwards.

You need to prioritise meetings and sobriety over socialising at the moment and get to at least 3 meetings a week in my opinion.

It’s hopeless otherwise. You’ll drink again.

Attending at least one in person meeting is also much better.

I was 25 years sober on Boxing Day after several attempts and trips to inpatient treatment back in the day so I feel qualified to comment. I’m also the daughter of an alcoholic and still bear the childhood scars.

Hey @Objectrelations many congratulations, that’s an amazing achievement. I am dealing with a close family member who has relapsed again (15 years of ups and downs) and I appreciate how hard won your sobriety is. Wishing you all the best ❤️

No, its not a wanky thing to do. He has every right to vocalise how OPs drinking has affected him and the children. If anything she needs to keep hearing that. Being the partner or more importantly the child of a problem drinker is awful. There is nothing that OP has said to suggest her husband is a big drinker or has any kind of issue with alcohol. He is trying to protect the children and himself.

I think you need to treat yourself as if you were profoundly allergic to alcohol. Some people just cannot drink because it affects their brain so badly and you are one. It's fine, loads of other treats.

The single most important thing you need to do tonight is keep your promise to your children and go to bed with them sober after you’ve seen in the new year. Nothing else matters.

This goes totally against the advice from almost every poster that the OP should be kind to herself etc. It suggests (if I’m reading it right) that although the OP should be kind to herself (if you think she should) but that her DH can keep reminding her how awful she was. Punishment isn’t the way to support someone with stopping drinking. She KNOWS how awful she was.

Yes, but she will forget very quickly. A week or so will pass and she will thinknoh just have the one. It will be fine. Having the reminder fresh in her mind may just stop that. People with drinking problems are selfish, they only care about getting a drink. They dont care in the moment once that first sip passes their lips. I grew up with an arsehole parent that was always sorry, always ashamed, always promised they were never going to drink again. Usually lasted 3 weeks at most before the drink became more important than us. There's being kind to herself of course but that dosent mean we just pretend that her children and her husband didnt have a horrible Christmas. I can guarantee you those children will remember for life their spoiled Christmases, Birthdays and other events. They will have a knot in their stomach in the run up to every event. Even as an adult decades later I feel uneasy due to the childhood trauma surrounding every nice thing that we tried to do as a family.

I’ll not be drinking tonight OP. Just know that you aren’t alone. In the hard days remember why you’re doing this and how bad Christmas was. The passage of time sometimes makes us forget how bad it was but it’s important to try and remember so you know how important it is to keep going

I’m sorry you had such difficult experiences @rainbowunicornI really do understand the point you’re trying to make.

OP I’m also not drinking tonight. I’m actually having a stint without any booze as I recognised that it was starting to cross into a territory I didn’t like.

if you haven’t read it I recommend The Unexpected Joy at being sober. I revisit it often when I want to review my drinking.

Kindness or willingness to sweep it under the rug isn't the way to support someone either.

There's such a fine line between that approach and enabling that it isn't worth risking.

The way to support someone is to insist on accountability. Accountability means doing what you said you'd do every day from now on, for the rest of your life, and fully accepting both the harm you've done to others and their absolute right to remind you of that harm.

Accountability is at the heart of AA, which I urge the OP to sign up to.

Agree with all of this.

Hope your night is going well?

Happy new year everyone, from a sober me! I managed last night, I didn’t enjoy the night and it was really stressful as we had a big party but I didn’t drink and I have my first meeting tomorrow.

Well done, that's a difficult night to have conquered! Hope your meeting goes well and you can keep strong and determined.

Well done you @Newyearnewmewoooop💐
That is some achievement.
One day at a time.

Well done! You can do this but ask for help when you need it.

DH has been sober for over 30 years (in his 70’s) and a lot of our friends are into health and fitness and don’t drink alcohol. You might find it helps to widen your friendship circle to include people who aren’t hard party go-ers and who don’t view drinking soft drinks as a big deal.

That’s a great update, well done OP. You should be very proud of yourself ❤️

Well done. Sobriety can usually be predicted by how much effort the person puts in in staying sober. If you’re Willing to do whatever it takes, then you’ll stay sober. Best wishes to you

that to me is such a negative side to christmas to many people -
well done on your sobriety op

Well done OP. Hope the meeting went well.

My SIL is an alcoholic so I have some experience with dealing with this. Please go to your GP for assistance

. She is not in Britain but is on medication that makes her violently ill if she drinks. So that’s a great incentive! She did go to a clinic for 4 weeks and is continuing therapy once a fortnight with one of the therapists there.

My brother also saw a therapist for a time which he says really helped. He has also given up drinking in support so they do not have alcohol in the house.

Remember it’s an illness and it needs treatment. Wishing you all the best