Anyone else ruin Christmas because they were drunk?

[Newyearnewmewoooop]

Officially hit rock bottom. Ruined Christmas for
my children due to my behaviour when drunk. Full of self loathing and I have finally got to the point of realising that I can’t drink alcohol again.

Day 1 of being sober.

After watching my dad go through liver cirrhosis and seeing his extended abdomen that had to be drained regularly (ascites) I saw exactly how poisonous this stuff is and the horror put me off for life.
I urge you to look up ascites and watch videos, read articles, see images and imagine walking around with an enormous swollen heavy abdomen that looks like you’re expecting twins as a reminder of that drink.
Then think about the regret that you’d feel that you didn’t stop today because one day it will be too late. It’s easy to say tomorrow a hundred times but there’s only so many tomorrows before it’s too late.
Good luck op.

Firstly drop the guilt it won't help good for finding an online AA meeting but nothing beats an in person meeting. I have been where you are now you obviously realise your drinking is not normal so take those first steps you will not regret it
Sober now well over 20 years.

Wishing you all the best.

We currently have a guest who cannot moderate, she is loud, boorish and very fucking irritating.

I was you a few years ago and I can still remember how bad I felt. I am six years sober now and giving up was the best decision I have ever made. You may find AA helpful or you may not. I didn't but DH who is eight years sober finds it really helps him . Don't feel pressured into attending any meetings if you are not getting anything out of it. Good luck xxx

Thank you everyone .

I have apologised to my children and husband, multiple times

Please make sure you stop. I had a friend who has since died of liver disease in her early 60's. We were single parents together both of us with sons. It was such a tragic story, her son had to grow up with an alcoholic mother who would tell him she wished she's never had him when she was drunk - he was only a little boy.
I met him about 10 years ago now an adult in his late 20's. He said he hadn't contacted his mother since he left home at 18 and only had the saddest memories of every special occasion being ruined by her drinking, it had affected him really badly and he didn't go to her funeral.
If you don't want to ruin your childrens lives and your own for goodness sake get help now.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, acknowledging you have a problem is the first step. I’m the same as you, I can’t moderate my drinking and have also ruined a few things due to my behaviour. I can’t drink socially as one is never enough. I have a very addictive personality and alcoholism in the family including an alcoholic mother and my paternal grandmother died quite young through alcohol related illness. My brother struggles too.

I think it’s one of those things where you really have to want to stop, and when you do, reach out for support. AA was the turning point for my mum and I also find the Drinkaware app handy when I want to cut down. I’ll be going back to that in the new year.

The scariest bit is knowing you'll never be able to drink again. That used to blow my mind,but in time it'll just become second nature in the way some people can't eat certain things because of the way it affects them,we can't drink because of how it affects us.

I got drunk on Christmas Eve. I tripped and my teen was afraid I had hit my head. She called friends to check on me. They had already driven me home. I don't remember anything after the first goodbyes and realizing I was too drunk to walk the few minutes home. For some reason I had no hangover on Christmas Day, just waves of embarrassment and shame. My friend has forgiven me, she blames my weight loss. I have lost three stone this year, I've been so moderate in drinking and eating. She thinks I just need to be careful. My teen has forgiven me too. However, my ex husband is a recovering alcoholic (just started his journey this year), she has enough issues with his drinking over the years without me adding to it. So I have to stop/curtail wine time for a couple of years. I'll only have a night out when she is with her dad. She stays about once a month, I don't always go out, but they will be the only nights I do in future
She will be finished school and off to college in 2027. It's not that long.
Good luck on your journey to sobriety OP, it's a tough one but worth it.

@Newyearnewmewoooop have a look at Annie Grace, This Naked Mind. I credit her with saving my life. I’ve just done my 5th sober Christmas, and I’ve never looked back.

The first three months are the hardest. Once they’re done, you’ve broken its back. Then you just have to be aware of the insidious, “I’m cured now. I can drink at Christmas/on holiday/on my birthday.”

You can’t. That’s the alcohol talking. It’s a sneaky twat.

I’m the daughter of an alcoholic. She ruined many a Christmas for us as kids. Never accepted her drinking was a problem. Until a year ago, aged 72! She spent most christmasses alone as none of us would have her at our homes. I’m pleased to say she’s just spent her first Christmas at mine in more than a decade and behaved herself so well over the week, me and DP would happily have her back whenever she wants. Her sobriety has changed her completely for the better.

so good luck OP, you and your kids will be grateful one year from now when you’ve enjoyed your day rather than make it hard work for everyone. I say this as someone who is also sober as I found myself in that situation more times than not, and reached my own rock bottom six years ago. There’s not a day since that I regret giving up the booze for good. Children of alcoholics more often than not also have difficulties, three of my siblings are also sober and one isn’t but should be and is currently ruining his life.

Bloody hell. Don’t start make promises that you can’t guarantee you can stick to.

Recovery from alcoholism (or a growing drinking problem) is a very long and arduous road - making a big load of gestures to your loved ones is a recipe for disaster for all of you (potentially leading to more shame, never ending repeats of the same promises and the accompanying resentment and disbelief from your loved ones).

I’ve been through this with a partner and the one thing that really helped him was finally realising he’d never recover without outside help; he eventually joined AA and it was the one thing that kept things under control.

I also have bad memories of relatives drinking excessively at Christmas. Not trying to make you feel worse than you do! Rather it’s a good thing that you’ve recognised the problem and are willing to change

Poor children.
I had someone in my life once who ruined everything due to being a drunk ,they were intimidating too.
I truly hope you keep to your word.

It's sort of a good thing you feel so rotten, as this will hopefully be the turning point. Please give your children the memories they deserve. You don't now think you'll never drink again, we wake up and choose not to drink today, that's all. I have had three alcohol detoxes.. I never thought my life would end up at rock bottom from being a problem drinker suddenly in my 20s.. that sort of thing happened to other people.. until it happened to me. Please stop now, so you never have to go through more torment. Time is the biggest healer and it took me about 6 months to stop thinking about alcohol. Now a few years later, I never crave or think about it. I live a nice life now. You can do it, let your children be your biggest motivators. Get outside help. Ban alcohol from the house. Tell people.. believe me it's more common than you think. I wish you all the best, you can turn this round x

BarilynBordeaux · Today 10:54
Online meetings are good but get yourself to a physical meeting, be surrounded by your fellows, it makes a huge difference

Op, this is very good advice.

Well done for seeing the problem and admitting it.

Every time the guilt, shame or self-hatred hits, remind yourself that you are going to need to be kind to yourself to give yourself the best chance of getting better. Those negative thoughts about yourself are unhelpful for recovery (because addicts can be prone to thinking ‘I’m just a shit person and I’ll never be able to sort this out/I don’t deserve kindness or a better life).

You do deserve a better life, as do your children and partner.

As many others have said, these feelings of self-loathing will only take you so far. Once the hangover and the shame has faded, thoughts begin to creep in that actually maybe you will be able to just have one on special occasions. Or holidays. Or weekends. Or weekends plus one weeknight, two weeknights… it spirals so easily back to where it was before and the self-hatred and self-sabotage kicks back in: ‘I knew I wouldn’t able to do it. I’m not strong/brave/good enough’.

Could you start thinking about some little routine changes that might take you sufficiently out of your daily routine to feel that life is already getting better? Get some treats in- are you a foodie? Get some lovely quality edible treats to enjoy for the next few days- maybe some ‘unhealthy’ treats but also some very nourishing, wholesome foods. Some good soups or ingredients for a lovely stew. Plan some other things that you know you’ll enjoy- baths? Movies? Long walks in the countryside? All of these things could contribute to a feeling that you are really nourishing yourself- because you deserve that. You deserve to feel physically and mentally healthy. Do you exercise? I work in fitness and have met a fair few (clean/sober) addicts in my classes. Many of them have or have had mental illnesses (besides their addictions) MANY are ND. They find exercise is great for their self-esteem and MH. They can find headspace when they’re moving their bodies. And of course, getting physically fit helps the body to heal from the excesses of alcohol or substance misuse.

Good luck OP. You can do this. 💐

No - and if you know you have a drink problem - you really should have tried to control your demons - hard as it is - it's harder now to deal with the guilt of the bad memories of a special day. Your DC's hopefully will come to understand and be your reason to change - I really wish you all the best to beat this, and take this one step at a time. I wish you all the best - and please pop onto MN if you feel a relapse -we are all here to remind why you are doing this and give you the strength you need. Hugs

Read the book The Naked Mind by Annie Grace. Helped me massively.

I think a good way to look at it is if you were going to give up smoking, you would stop smoking and be considered a non smoker, you wouldn’t buy the occasional pack and try to just have one and leave the rest or allow yourself one on special occasions it’s a decision not to smoke and likewise you’re making a decision to become a non drinker and that means you don’t drink because you’re an ex drinker the same way you’d expect an ex smoker to never smoke again or risk being a smoker again.

They will believe what they see, not what they hear.

Commit to AA.
Commit to sobriety every day.
Start valuing connection - to your family and to yourself. The opposite of addiction is connection.

hows it going tonight op?

Hey, OP. I'm ten years sober next year. You can do it! This time next year you could be in an amazing place where this kind of regret is a distant memory. Use all the resources you can and just get through the first few months - it's the best thing you will ever do.

How old are your DC?

My alcoholic grandad used to drink drive, piss all the family money up the wall and hit my grandmother.

Now I'm not saying you are as bad as him, not in any way shape or form but I have no positive memories of him or thoughts about him. I actually hated him. What a weak and vile man.

However did the drink make him be like this? Would he have been a different man if he had never drunk? Who knows. Don't leave your children with drunk kind of memories.

Everytime you forget the shame, remember this moment and come back to the thread when you are feeling weak. There is also an ongoing thread for people who are supporting each other on here who have given up alcohol.

I am near given up drink. I have never had a problem with it and I rarely drink these days. But even if I have a wine, I now have a headache before I sleep. 😵 I had 4 cocktails on a rare night out (yes light weight these days) and I was so hungover the next day with a headache. I really couldn't cope with it so now I'm mostly on mocktails. I do not miss it at all and mocktails taste like cocktails to me. You won't get a sore head and if you drive, no worries about going anywhere. I really enjoy waking up feeling fresh these days :) and no hangxiety/ beer fear either!