Say here what you can’t say in real life - Christmas edition

[Rainallnight]

If you have someone in your life who is driving you mad or making you brim with rage this Christmas, tell them here!

Get it off your chest in a safe space so you can turn around, smile, and offer them a sherry.

NB - this isn’t AIBU. All gripes are correct and permitted.

I will start.

SIL, I am furious that we have driven hundreds of miles with small DC to spend Christmas in your part of the country, including hosting YOUR mother for the duration, only to find that you are not spending Christmas Day with us, AND that you have not yet deigned to pin down a day to even visit. Furious, I tell you.

The whole lot can FTFOTFSOF and when it gets there FO some more.

I’m tired.

I am looking after our autistic child every day and throughout night. I’m not well. You will be here for about 30 hours, find fault with everything, be judgemental about child not coping with Christmas how you want them to, give me a present I bought and wrapped myself, and then disappear again for 10 days.

It’s not fair.

I don't want to do Christmas. I don't want to host. I don't want my Mother criticising my grandson for being a 4 yr old, and to put up with her 'Ohhh I'd better not say ANYTHING in case I offend Sonolanona'
I want to sack the whole thing off and next year go somewhere hot, sunny (and preferably alone!!!)

Builders who started my back to brick bathroom renovation in October, who said I'd need to move out for five days (it wouldn't be finished, just the aesthetics to do after then apparently) please come and join me in my garden, this being week nine. Nibbles, drinks, mince pies and oh, see those big holes? Ooopsy, silly me, I accidentally tripped up whilst you were looking into them, and how clumsy of me to be holding the knife block. And more oopsy, that bag of concrete that fell in after you, I'm sorry. But have a lovely fucking Christmas down there. Such a shame I still have £££s of your tools as well. Bet they'll sell well at a car boot in the new year. Might cover the cost of getting more trades people in to finish the job properly.

i must do a shop on Christmas Eve. I don’t want to deal with your over excited child. I don’t want to push past you to get to the butter. Stop standing in the aisle chatting to people about bullshit. Move along people, move along

Sis2, you haven't even had the politeness to thank Sis1 for the invitation to her house for Xmas Dinner. After last year, be warned that one toenail out of line and you are out on your ear. And she's got you non alcoholic wine. We are on to you.

Also, I really don't want to drive for 3 hours to go and have been desperately trying to come up with a good reason not to. But Sis 1 asked me as moral support months ago, so I and DP will be there. I just hope she behaves and we all get through it for the aged parents' sake.

I work in a supermarket and Christmas Eve is always a lot less chaotic than the 22nd and 23rd of December.

Fil, you're a wonderful man. I'm sorry you're body is failing. Mil, you're a poisonous witch. Sil, just once it would nice if you said something.

Good luck. People get so rude when shopping just before Christmas.

DP, when I’m wrapping the children’s presents frantically at the last minute, it will be such a relief that you’ve ticked off the vitally important pre-Christmas task of ironing all the summer clothes at the bottom of the basket this afternoon.

Why are you even with him? You deserve so much better...

It pisses me off that every one of my relatives expects us to travel to them every Christmas, when we have an autistic child who needs routine and prefers to be at home.

Hmm not very lighthearted really eh?!
Mine will be biting my tongue for the millionth time when my husband wanders into the kitchen and says "Don't do me any sprouts or parsnips, I don't like them". Really?! You don't?! Well in the 36 years of being told every single year without fail, I'd never have bloody known that!!! Now piss off back into the lounge before this carving knife ends up where it shouldn't! 😁🔪

Darling godmother, you are deliciously bonkers. The anticipation of your present is the highlight of my Christmas. As it's Schodingers present, either plastic tat, hall marked silver ffrom 1800, or the memorable year it was emerald earrings for me and you got my sister a candle. We never know. We adore you and should tell you more often . I am looking forward to this year!

I don't think it's fair that my children's dad gets to be a bare minimum parent all year and yet every 2 years we alternate Christmas day. Through the year he has them semi regularly(EOW) but if I ask for any extra nights, any help it's always a no. He can swan off to wherever the fuck he likes and I have to book a concert a year in advance. Fuck off you cunt. But for my kids sake and the fact he's an absolute asshole towards me and I CBA with dealing with any fallout, I just agree to the Christmas. Though I'm the one doing everything all year round and his gf does everything on his behalf regarding the kids. You don't deserve Christmas morning with them. Prick. Thankfully they're getting older and in 2 years I'll be allowing them to decide.

MIL, you're a nice lady and you're doing very well for your age. But when someone invites you into their home to spend Xmas day, cooks Xmas dinner for you, buys you nice wine, gives you leftovers to take back home, and picks you up and drops you off home, the polite thing to do is to take what you're fucking given, not moan to your son because of a change of pudding to one you actually like even better than the original. I already have to put up with dull gravy because you can't cope with anything more adventurous than onion, making me faff around cooking a pudding I can't even eat any more is really narking me off.

I deserve an Oscar for pretending Im a functioning human this year. Its my first Christmas without my mum which as far as I'm concerned means there's no christmas. I wish I could opt out but have to put DC first. I am screaming inside my head all the time.

Whilst I fully appreciate you would want both your children with you the whole of Christmas, I do not want to hear from you or your Mother for the 6 weeks preceeding how heartbroken you are that your DD will go to her Dad's this year - especially when it transpires that she will be back with you by 12 noon on the 25th....

Really?

It's Christmas next week?

Well, stone the crows! Who knew?

No seriously. How did this sneak up on you, when the shops have been playing Mariah Carey since November?

Thank you for cancelling our Xmas invite to your house and making me end up food shopping at 1am in the morning, because I literally have no more spare time left. You selfish selfish cow. You and your "partner" are both welcome to each other

Family, don't moan about Christmas not being what it used to be when your idea of Christmas spirit is to transfer money into my bank account for my daughter instead of going to any actual effort whatsoever.

MIL and FIL, stop wittering on about dieting. You have both been “on a diet” for the past 20 years. I don’t care what your weight is but stop asking me if I’ve got “low fat” versions of things! I haven’t, because it’s Christmas, because I’m not and have never been on a diet, and if I was I would eat less and move more. Stop piling your plates to the ceiling whilst making noises about it being “naughty” in front of impressionable DC, stop tutting at me when I eat a bit of cheese and saying you don’t know how I stay so “slim” when eating things that are so “fattening”. Just stop it! Eat food! Have fun!

Yes, I do actually mind "looking in on" two sets of neighbours' cats on Christmas and boxing day, morning and evening.

Because it's not just "looking in on" them like poking my head around the door and yelling "Yoo hoo kitties" then leaving again, is it? It's washing out their bowls, putting down fresh food, changing their many water bowls, scooping up turds and solidified pisses from their three litter trays. It's spending a little bit of time with the poor mites that you've just abandoned for a few days.

Times two or three depending on how many selfish neighbours decide to just fuck off and abdicate responsibility for the pets they supposedly love.

The irony being that the main reason good old KStockHERO is always on hand for "looking in on" cats is because I don't shirk my responsibility for my animals. I don't just fuck off and leave my cat for days whenever I feel like it.

Tossers.

@EponymousEponine Sending the very un-Mumsnetty hugs to you 💓 I lost Mum over a decade ago & no one will ever convince me that that first Christmas without her was anything other than shit (Excuse the unladylike language). I spent that first year buying new decorations, trying to find that missing ‘sparkle’. Turns out it was a someone, rather than a something. But, you will get through the next few days, & there will be new traditions 🤗 Be kind to yourself & if you need wine, have some!