9w old baby and husband says he's going to hang himself

[WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow]

I am really fed up with my husband. We have our 9week old daughter. He went to the Christmas party yesterday, stayed in a hotel overnight, came back home still drunk this morning. Stayed drunk all day (just wouldn't sober up), had a bottle of prosecco for dinner, and then opened another one. I was asking him to stop drinking. He then went on her w depressed he is and he doesn't want his life anymore (I heard this many times before).

Eventually I went upstairs and he came through the door to tell that he's had enough of this relationship and he's going to hang himself tomorrow. At this point I seriously want him to do it as I cannot take him anymore. Just fed up of constant drinking and constant issues in his life.

I am tired of looking after his mental health, finding doctors etc for him to see, supporting him in pretty much every way possible. I am so fed up with him. I am vulnerable myself given we have just had a baby and now he's yet again can't control himself. I get he might feel depressed but I seriously don't have it in me to help him out and deal with his bullshit yet again.

Before people suggest - I don't have family and friends in the country to help me out. I am getting baby passport done now so could go back and stay with my parents for a while. Going back to work after 6 months.

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon - that's exactly what my friends said. They were proud of me I handled the situation well. Tbh, if it wasn't for the child I would probably just gone to the hotel and left it like that.

I was just looking at my posts and saw he kicked me out of the house at 34w so I stayed at exactly the same hotel then too! It became a norm it seems that I even forgot about it

I can't help myself but even now I have thoughts coming toy mind what I can possibly do to make him feel better rather than worrying about my own situation.

OP your priority should be the welfare of your child.

I would not want a drunk who is making threats about taking his life around a baby.

I would call the police and tell them that you are worried about your partner who is unstable, inebriated and making threats and that you feel unsafe around him.

Make it clear you don't want him back in the house.

Let healthcare professionals deal with him at this point.

Kindly why would you push (force) him to have a child when he is so mentally unstable in a rocky relationship you had already previously broken up and got back together in. Loving him isn’t enough when you want to bring a small innocent baby into the mess . The best thing you can do for this child is to leave and stay left

@WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow
You've 100% have done the right things. You had no choice but to call the police. He was drunk and throwing things about in the presence of you and a vulnerable, nine week old baby. This is not normal, stable behaviour. It's not loving, caring or supportive either.

He also told you to take the baby 'out of his sight' which frankly sent a cold shiver down my spine because it's a veiled threat. It seems to me he resents fatherhood and he resents the baby even though you are doing all of the parenting duties. Personally, I would not trust him around the baby.

And I have little sympathy for his belated claim that you pushed him into becoming pregnant. You didn't conceive on your own! He could have said firmly at the time that he didn't want to become a father. It's too late now. And getting drunk and throwing things about in temper is the response of a weak and immature man. He's pathetic imo.

I'm relieved you and the baby are safe in a hotel and will be staying with a friend. Please don't return to the house unaccompanied if he's still living there. Sending you my solidarity.

@AcquadiP - when he said this about the baby that's when I got really really scared.. Tbh, he was being really good and tried his best at the beginning (and naturally I keep on thinking about the good times we had) but something inside him just switched. He can't be trusted..

I can't help but have moments when I feel really sorry for myself. I fall asleep and wake up feeling good and then remember the situation I am in.

My target now is just to get through first few weeks when it's tough and then hopefully things will start getting better... I will start feeling better about myself.

Urg...it never ceases to amaze me the amount of shit 'men' out there who unfortunately are husbands and fathers.

@User565635 - my friends pointed me out that my choice of men is really poor. Which unfortunately I agree. If I am incapable of finding the right one then what's the point altogether. Will buy myself a male dog one day but that's as far as it goes

Hi OP.

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through.

Has there been an update on him? I presume he's back home now as you're going to your friend's?

@HappyNYx - he's at home. Still on bail. From what I can see he's certainly still alive so clearly hasn't followed up with the suicide threats...

I think evenings and night time is the worst for me. Feeling very low about all the situation. It's extremely sad. I miss my home. I think I need to come up with some sort of plan to keep myself occupied..

He kicked you out when you were 34 weeks pregnant? Mate, he’s a wrong’un, there’s no fixing this.

And as for you kind of forgetting about it, that sounds like spaghetti head, you’ve probably been putting up with all sorts for too long.

Put your baby first, do not prioritise this pisshead who doesn’t deserve it.

@Comtesse - I have to agree with you on this. I think over years he's got me well wrapped up around his finger in order to put up with all of the bs.

This is attention seeking behaviour because you are focused on the baby - as you should be. Go and spend time with your family, be looked after, let him sort himself out.

Please see a solicitor - you shouldn't be the one forced out of your own home with baby through fear. You can get short free consultations to find out your rights. Don't go back - he will be furious.

Take one day at a time, OP, you've got this. You've been through a hell of a lot and it's perfectly normal to feel sorry for yourself in the circumstances. Perhaps speak to your Doctor to see if he/she can give you something to take the edge off for a while.

As another poster said, please go and see a solicitor as soon as possible. You should not be the one living outside the marital home with a baby especially since you've been supporting him for over 7 years.

I smiled at your dog comment. I also used to make shit choices where men were concerned and eventually gave up. I've kept dogs my entire adult life. They're tying, hard work when they're puppies/adolescents but bring no end of love, loyalty and laughter. Unlike some of the men I was with, I don't regret a single one of my dog choices!

Please keep us updated with any developments.💐

Have you contacted Women's aid?

OP, I haven’t RTFT. But I wanted to say that DH had very serious male post natal depression after our first DC. He threatened verbally to kill himself for several months and self-harmed - and everybody, including and especially the medical professionals - told me that “people who threaten don’t do it”. Well, he did. He didn’t succeed, thank god, but he made a suicide attempt that would have been the end of him if I hadn’t caught him. He jumped out of a third floor window and I just about grabbed his clothes before gravity took over. He was with the mental health crisis team for a year after that. Not to scare you, but don’t be fobbed off by medical
professionals if you try to get help. You might find this BBC article on male post natal depression useful. www.bbc.com/news/articles/cy8v8xe24gzo.amp

You need to get yourself to Al Anon, for people affected by someone else's drinking.

That need you have to help him/ make him feel better is why you are ending up with men who treat you terribly. Please call Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 and ask for support, including a list of helpful therapists. You also need legal support.

Do not indulge in the fantasy that this toad can be turned into a prince. He's not the man for you. He's in fact dangerous, and the sooner you can get a residence order in place barring him from your home, and a non molestation order, the better.

Again, WA can help you. Tell them he threw you out at 34 weeks too. You've clearly got used to being abused, and my guess is you've only described the tip of the iceberg here. You need a lot of help and support.

When he wasn't drinking / we were still able to communicate he did mention this himself. It's a real thing and it very much could be that. I would have certainly helped him with all I could if only he was no danger to us.

The behaviour of your husband is part of a long pattern of abuse and manipulation. I would bet my bottom dollar that post partum depression is not the problem here.

Absolutely, OP. I’ve read more of the thread now. You’re completely right to protect yourself and your baby and I admire your strength in doing so. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Hugs and solidarity

He didn’t have post natal depression when he kicked you out when you were 34 wks pregnant. I think he’s just a nasty drunk.

@Comtesse - he does have depression but he certainly turns into a nasty drunk while feeling low. And he is aware of it but still chooses to drink nevertheless.

I can't help but worry if he has actually done something to himself. All security cameras at home are off so no way for me to tell

' if he has actually done something to himself. All security cameras at home are off so no way for me to tell '

If you really think / feel that, then you call the police / ambulance for a welfare check.

Personally I think it's deliberate by him to have everything turned off so you worry.

@WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow your priority is yourself and your baby.

If you feel concerned about your DP, please contact your local MH team, police etc. Be explicit and detailed about the situation. Please do not hold back, tell all. Your safety may depend on you being candid. Don't feel any shame.

You need to worry about you and your baby only.
He is a grown adult.
He can reach out to others.
If you concerned with some evidence eg a text message saying he will do something ask police to go there for a welfare check