DC moving 100s of miles away, accomodation for me...

[Sunshinesmon]

He's moving to a beautiful part of the country, one that has lots of lovely memories of our family holidays. It's a long way away, which is sad for me, but I'm excited for him.

It's a place I love too and before DC, DH (now deceased) and I used to go there to do various outdoorsy stuff c. once a month, despite the distance.

DS will be living with GF and they have no space for me, but I would like to visit frequently if I can. I'm thinking I'll occupy myself during the day and hope to meet up for food in the evenings. They'll both be working shifts so I'll try to time things so I can see DS while she's working, rather than intrude on their time and treat them both to a meal when shifts allow. Does that sound OK, not too overbearing "MIL"? Or like I'm a avoiding her?

This is likely to be expensive for me. They'll be in their first (rented) home and saving for a house, I'm going to treat them if we eat out, plus travel and accomodation - booking a room as a solo traveller basically means paying double.

Any great ideas to make this more affordable?

Sounds lovely. I'd like to see my mum where I live instead of traveling down to her each time, there's lots local to me I would want to show her, and I'd love her to meet my cats too! She hasn't been in years now though as feels it's too far/ too cold 'up north'!!

Why not look for a local AirBnb or homestay as a cheaper option for your stays? If you stay in a room in someone's house quite often you can negotiate future bookings at a better rate. Having access to a kitchen and home environment (with a nice host) is much nicer than being sat in a hotel room alone of an evening and might make your son and DIL feel less pressured to 'entertain' every night during your stay. Perhaps time some of your visits with local events that interest you so you have plenty to do independent of them.

Sounds lovely. I'd like to see my mum where I live instead of traveling down to her each time, there's lots local to me I would want to show her, and I'd love her to meet my cats too! She hasn't been in years now though as feels it's too far/ too cold 'up north'!!

Why not look for a local AirBnb or homestay as a cheaper option for your stays? If you stay in a room in someone's house quite often you can negotiate future bookings at a better rate. Having access to a kitchen and home environment (with a nice host) is much nicer than being sat in a hotel room alone of an evening and might make your son and DIL feel less pressured to 'entertain' every night during your stay. Perhaps time some of your visits with local events that interest you so you have plenty to do independent of them.

Camping, buy yourself a nice tent and some nice sleeping gear and you will be golden! (Having previously not been a camping fan, I can say that a nice, easy to put up tent and a really cosy mattress, sleeping bag, and pillow make all the difference). Obviously not suitable for most people all year round (sadly DP thinks it is for us!) so would second the pet sitting suggestion, or seeing if you make any friends on one of your trips who might be up for renting you a room occasionally for a reasonable price.

Of course it’s fine to visit the area and see them. Jesus.

Oh God, you already sound overbearing and argumentative with this response alone. Is the first sentence what you will be saying to them once they tell you that visiting isn’t convenient.
Wondet why they decided to move 500 miles away?!? 🤔

Have not read all. But reading between the lines you are distressed your son is moving away from you. So far away you cannot be with him or see him so often as you presently do. It does sound as though you have leant on him rather a lot for company. Time to let that go a bit.
If you are worried about being left alone and getting older that is a different matter to deal with.
Your son has another woman in his life. It is a different kind of love. Not one that competes with his love for you. But you must respect it. If you are to give your son a chance.
So stop planning to visit frequently. Stop living a life in your head where you pop round or come up to visit every month. It is exhausting you.
Wait to see how things play out. And expect him to come and see you sometimes as well.

As a DIL I actually love both my MILs, and would be happy to see them more often. We live in a city and there's loads to do. One MIL and FIL have moved to the US, so she has limited time when back in the UK and we make visits work based on her schedule because we are boring people who don't do much. It's probably once a year for them.

Other MIL and FIL come more often (maybe three times a year) and mostly with their own plans, but it's a bit more chaotically planned and they are usually wanting to meet on a very specific day/time which can be a bit rough. BIL also lives near us, but feels pressured more by the visits as they prefer to stay with him. Thankfully not an issue in your case, I do think it helps to stay elsewhere but I've had all my ILs crash in the spare room on occasion and happy to have them.

OP I think what comes across to me is you don't know the GF well? I am very close to all my ILs and while it's earlier days for you and GF I would encourage seeing them together and getting to know her/them as a couple. Personally I would have felt quite upset if I was living with DH before marriage and never got opportunities to get to know them, and I know DH felt the same about my mum. But maybe I'm the weird one...I find my mum's visits more stressful 🙃

Is one of them a step MIL? The two MILs thing is hurting my small, hungover brain 🤣

Ignore these replies, these people obviously don’t have very happy relationships with their families. It quite sad actually. Visiting 6 times per year is a visit approximately every 2 months, seeing your family every 2 months sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
Your son and his gf have chosen to move here knowing it’s somewhere your family likes to visit, presumably if they didn’t want to see you they’d have moved somewhere else?
Is there a static caravan park near by? They can be very cheap outside of school holidays.
Also would you consider buying a cheap second hand caravan? Some sort of touring caravan would be extremely cheap but that depends if you’d feel comfortable towing it & if you have space to store it?
If you prefer a hotel or an airbnb, is the area quite seasonal? If so prices should be much cheaper in the quieter months.

many families will happily see each other regularly

what’s the issue here is it’s not actually clear that’s what the young people want and OP is essentially planning to force them to see her - all the guff about taking their shift patterns into account - they may well have more in their lives than work and seeing her and may not want to spend their free time having dinner with her. Especially if they work shifts.

she is making plans without it being clear those plans are comfortable for the rest of the family

if she was confident they wanted her up she could ask their advise as locals where the best place to stay was

Haha yes one step MIL and step FIL but for me I don't do 'step', they are all my in laws 🥰 and similarly their kids are DHs siblings not 'half'

Your standard 2 weeks a year (which you'd do anyway and would largely occupy yourself and just see him if he is free and willing to meet), plus another 2 shorter trips specifically arranged to catch up sound fine.
Presumably he will also still visit you/his brother a number of times a year as well.
I wouldn't be going up there every month. But the above plus some calls and facetimes seem fine to me.

Wondet why they decided to move 500 miles away?!? 🤔

These comments are horrible. Why wouldn't people move 500 miles away?! People move thousands of miles away from their families - for work, life experiences, travel! It doesn't have to mean that they hate their family of origin and are desperate to get away.

Completely mad.

I don’t see a problem with you wanting to see your son 6 times a year. I don’t think that’s unreasonable. I moved away from home over a decade ago and it wasn’t my preference at the time. I miss my family terribly because I love them and want to spend time with them. I love it when my one remaining parent comes to visit me. We discuss when is a suitable time that works for us both.

You've asked if it's too much and are then arguing with anyone who says yes.

If you want to go then go. But don't act surprised if they aren't that welcoming.

You've referred to it as very much your place, but it's not is it. You live wherever you live and now your son is moving there. And you want to visit, a lot. Its too much and if I was the gf I would be feeling pretty anxious and pissed off at the thought of you viewing it as your 2nd home. Wait for an invite, and if its twice a year then auck it up. Or go down and don't tell then you're in the area.

This