DC moving 100s of miles away, accomodation for me...

[Sunshinesmon]

He's moving to a beautiful part of the country, one that has lots of lovely memories of our family holidays. It's a long way away, which is sad for me, but I'm excited for him.

It's a place I love too and before DC, DH (now deceased) and I used to go there to do various outdoorsy stuff c. once a month, despite the distance.

DS will be living with GF and they have no space for me, but I would like to visit frequently if I can. I'm thinking I'll occupy myself during the day and hope to meet up for food in the evenings. They'll both be working shifts so I'll try to time things so I can see DS while she's working, rather than intrude on their time and treat them both to a meal when shifts allow. Does that sound OK, not too overbearing "MIL"? Or like I'm a avoiding her?

This is likely to be expensive for me. They'll be in their first (rented) home and saving for a house, I'm going to treat them if we eat out, plus travel and accomodation - booking a room as a solo traveller basically means paying double.

Any great ideas to make this more affordable?

Go off season.

It was intended to be a out cost. This is a very expensive location for holiday accomodation. You can't even get a cheap Travelodge, even the Youth Hostels are among the most expensive in the country.

I only mentioned being overbearing to show that I knew it was a risk and was going to take steps to avoid that.

What have you booked on your previous visits?

This, if it’s a very familiar place you regularly travel to, don’t you know where to stay?

Keep investing in you and your life. Try to see any meetups as the iceing on the cake, not the cake.

I get it.

Pet sitting!!!

What’s the area? It’s usually cheaper if you book off season, middle of school term, weekday etc - can you do anything like that? Nobody can really help with a cost question if we don’t know where it is, you likely know the options far better than any on this thread so it’s more of a “frequency” question rather than a cost question really.
Plus there may be options that you would never have considered for your usual long stay, but might be worth a look for a shorter trip.

In my head he's moved to Cumbria / edge of the Lakes and they're both NHS. You live in the SE, so can't just pop round for an hour.

Rather than this long convoluted thread it would be easier to just say to him "You know I love to visit the Lakes, I've already got X and Y weeks planned for 2026 if this fits with you. I wouldn't mind popping up to see you both on a couple of other occasions, if you like, let me know if you would like to put some dates in the diary. There's no pressure though as I know you're busy and making the most of your new life together".

Tbh you are one person and it's great you feel that way, but to a lopt of people, myself included that would be their idea of hell, that is literally once a month and just over.
Many peoeps move away to get away from their relatives, the fact that OP's son would be excited to see her frequently and his gf probably not so much speaks volumes to me.

I'm baffled by all the negative posts! I'd get it if OP was suddenly deciding to visit a part of the country she didn't usually go to, or intending to stay with DS and his GF but it's clear it's nothing like this.

I would love this if I was the DC in question - and the GF!

An easy, no pressure way to see your mum - she is coming anyway, doing her thing, and you can catch up with her as much or as little as you can / wish to, and a free meal into the bargain. OP, you sound brilliant.

Also, apart from anything else - no-one owns a part of the country! OP is totally entitled to go to this part of the country, that she visits often and holds happy memories for her, as much as she likes.

When my DF was still alive, he came to the city I live in a lot - sometimes for work, and after retirement, just because he wanted to, to go to events, to visit other people or whatever. Most of the time I saw him, he sometimes stayed with me but less so as I had more DC and less space and it was great. I got on so well with him at these times, there was no pressure, in the way there sometimes was when I visited the family home. My DM is nothing like this and it's very hard to see her and I really miss that easy contact I had with one of my parents.

Just a practical tip to search on cost, if that’s what you’re asking - go to google maps, zoom in to your area of interest, search for “hotel”, filter on your dates and price range at the bottom, and see what comes up. It might throw up options you weren’t already aware of. It brings up YHA as well.

That’s exactly what I’m picturing too. Lake District. Who knows!!

That makes sense if OP was planning to visit her DS and GF's house but she is not! She is coming to the locality. To do lots of events by herself. They can join in or meet her - or not. Why on earth would that be anyone's idea of hell??

That's why I know it's very expensive, even for basic hostel accomodation. My current trips are my most expensive of the year, despite travelling all over Europe.

It doesn't sound like there is much option to reduce the cost then? So I would go as often as you wish and that cost allows, which may be less than what you are suggesting.

Oh. Excellent idea. If there are pets DS would want to come and stay with me 🤣

If you avoid where they work and don't tell them that you were even there then go when you want. If you want to spend time with them then wait for an invite.

How lovely that you want to go and visit your son. My children have moved away for university and love it when we visit.

I spent my teenaged years in a lovely part of the country. I would have loved to move back there after returning from abroad but for various reasons it didn't happen. Now dd1 lives there with her family and ds is starting a job in that area in a couple of weeks. Unfortunately I can't afford to pay for accommodation but I am very conscious not to go too often! I have actually been about 7 or 8 times this year but I was invited each time (and babysat). Dd1 hasn't visited me once this year but is coming for Christmas. It's a balancing act but my visits are certainly welcome now gc are on the scene. Pre gc I don't think they would have wanted me there so often.

You can go as often as you like, it being 'your' place.
However... its their home, and you popping up uninvited whenever you fancy sounds an absolute nightmare...

I think it sounds ok. But make it clear you are there to see her too. And if they are too busy - be ok with that

Is anyone else wondering where this mythical beautiful fiendishly expensive place is?

Sorry, OP, you already sound overbearing. They haven’t even moved yet and you are on MN making plans and trying to convince strangers that you are not overbearing.

Yes. The replies are very predictable on MN.
I recall plenty of threads where people complain that parents / in-laws never visit and it's always the young people going home. You really can't win.
OP just do it. If they don't want to see you they will say so.
I'd book a cheap b&b.

I think you need to give them some time perhaps 3/4 months to settle in to their new home before you raise visiting with them.

Then Id look for local accomadation that has decent rates or air b and b