Men carrying the domestic load

[Slightyamusedandsilly]

Every time there is a thread about marriage (that some call 'man bashing') on here, there is a woman, giving an account of how her husband doesn't share the domestic load.

Others pile on with the 'not all men' stuff.

SO, I would love to know, genuinely, how many of us are lucky enough to have a partner (doesn't have to be actual marriage) who does the bulk of the domestic load. Either as a SAHD, or because he works part-time, or because his commute is less or he works from home.

Please, please, redress the narrative if you're able to ?

Yes, mine does. I wouldn’t have wanted a relationship or children with someone who didn’t do that?

We’ve varied over the years who does what. The person with the shortest commute did most of the laundry, for instance. He does almost all of it now.
He’s always done all the cleaning. He’s better at it!

Bump I’d love to hear this too. I have one friend whose husband does the majority he’s very proactive and doesn’t need instructions or direction he just gets shit done. He was a house husband for 16 years now kids are adults he’s got a job as a TA but still does bulk of house stuff. He’s the only one I’ve encountered

My brother does everything in their house around working full time. All the DIY, cooking, the cleaning is done by him.
His wife claims she doesn’t know how to do it.

My ex always did at least 50% with me because he wanted to. He would enjoy the food shop, going to the butchers and then finding a new recipe.

I don’t know how one partner can sit back and let them do it all.

DH works from home 3 days a week, he goes in the other 2 to take our toddler to nursery (and pick him up). He does 99% of the cooking, he hoovers, puts the washing on and out but I put it away, he'll load and unload the dishwasher if he sees it needs doing. He also does bathrooms bathtime with said toddler. His brother and dad are the same, their mum trained them well!

When we were first together I'd say it was me 70%, DH 30% but 20 years later DH probably does more than me now. Both work full time. I have two interests which consume me. DH is a decade older.

Currently my DH does the bulk of the domestic load. We both work full time and I am also doing a professional qualification that involves a fair amount of studying outside of work hours. We both have equal “down time” so in order to achieve that, DH does more domestic and children related stuff.

Touch wood that if I pass my exams I’ll be done in a year!

My DH does all school drop offs and pick ups, pretty much all gardening and DIY, most cooking and washing up, cleaning is roughly half and half but we don’t keep tabs. I do most life admin stuff.

I was a SAHM previously and did most of the above but now I work longer hours in a more demanding job 6 days a week. His job is currently more flexible but if that ever changes we will adjust again. We don’t sit down and plan who does what, we just work together and communicate!

DH and I have both always worked full time and jointly shared everything relating to home and family. He’s as capable as I am (probably more so) at arranging dental appointments, decluttering DT’s wardrobes, organising the food delivery etc. I wouldn’t have married him and had a family if he wasn’t

My dh does at weekends. He is out of the house 6am till 7pm during the week. At the weekend he does most of the laundry, takes kids to clubs, any other jobs that need doing and most of the cooking. He also does all DIY, maintenance and stocking of fire wood. He's a gooden! During the week I've done everything before he gets home

DH went part time when DC1 started school, while I stayed full time. He did all pick ups, cleaning, shopping and cooking.

Our hours are now pretty similar and we have a more 50/50 split. He still does most of the pick ups, cleaning and cooking.

We've always had the mentality that we split (paid+domestic) work between us. Neither of us is consistently sitting round doing nothing or hopping off to the gym for hours while the other one is busy with domestic chores.

Mine does at the moment. We balance it based on who is busier elsewhere.

When we were first together I worked longer hours so DH did most of the cooking, now we are retired we do a day or two each.
DH looks after the robot hoover, I dust (occasionally), he usually does the washing. I do bathroom. The rest we do when one of us notices.
Fair to say that we don't have super high standards.
So this house, DH probably does more than me (no kids). Shopping is evenly divided depending on who is out and about.

Mine does even though he works long hours and I do just 12 hours a week. In my defence, I've been very poorly for 2 years so can't do stuff myself. I do still direct operations from the sofa.

The DH of one of my best friends does. It’s an interesting rationale and dynamic and one I find difficult to disagree with: her position is that he wanted the children more than she did, he wanted the big house which she wasn’t fussed about, he cares more about tidiness, and he’s much more food motivated than she is - so he gets to put in the lion’s share of the effort to upkeep all these things he wanted and cares about more. It works for them and ultimately I do think it’s fair.

DH and I just split our chores according to our strengths and maintain the common goal of always earning enough to outsource the parts neither of us want to do.

Last night I took DS to a sports fixture. When I got home DH had fed DD, loaded dishwasher, put on all the school uniform washing for the week, including a final load set on auto time for 6am this morning so it wasn't hanging around wet all night. Folded and put away earlier washing. Tidied round. Watched a film with DD and fixed her a post-film snack.

During the day he had also found time to do the first pass at the online shop, then I will add some things in today, then it comes tomorrow. I realised he'd already done it so I instead took the free 5 minutes it gave me to book the Xmas turkey from our local butchers.

He offered to dog walk this morning as I would likely be up in the night as DD has a cold and can't sleep when snuffly. I said no thanks, I'd like to get up and out.

Completely normal shared load.

He works FT.

Yes and no. Mine does an awful lot, works hard with one and a half jobs. However… he runs on rails. He will vacuum everyday but never clean a bathroom. He empties the washing basket but doesn’t consider labels or hang things well.

So mine is very energetic but not very effective. He keeps me on my toes getting to the important/sensitive jobs first. I always wash up my favourite pans, otherwise he’ll scratch them to fuck with his Brillo pad.

So part of my mental load is making sure I get there first!

I wfh and my husband is out of the house from 0600-1800. He still does 50% of the household tasks, all the bath/book/bed, all the school and medical admin. I’ve been out two nights this week meeting friends and he spent those evenings doing all the washing, clearing out the fridge, cleaning downstairs, sorting out some life admin. If he goes out, I tend to stick on a good film and get a takeaway!

Mine has always done it. He saw his mum being put upon as a domestic drudge and was emotionally intelligent enough to know that wasn’t right.

Any man who consistently sits back and happily lets his wife shoulder the entire burden of the household is a sexist selfish dick. Why do modern women shack up with them in the first place and then put up with it?

Mine does, no direction needed!

We don’t have kids so neither of us have been SAHP. We both work full time hybrid.

He does all the washing up, the windows, bathrooms, cars.

We split the cooking, or more often do it together. We do dusting/hoovering equally.

I’m more likely to put a clothes / bed wash on.

I do the weekly food shop online (but he usually puts it away), I keep on top of bills, insurance etc.

My partner does the majority (over 90%) of the housework, he does all the cooking, thinking about what food to eat, shopping, laundry and recycling, pays all the bills. I guess I research and organise weekends/holidays. I know I'm very lucky and that I need to do more 😅. We both work full time, no children.

God my DH does loads and I often worry it’s unfair. He works full time in a fairly demanding role in senior leadership. I am a SAHM. He had the kids for an hour in the morning while I shower/get ready, does their breakfast/gets them dressed/ school bag ready for eldest etc. has the youngest for an hour over his lunch break so I can have a break. Plays with them while I cook dinner. Washes up after dinner, alternate which child we put to bed and then does all the washing/drying/putting away of clothes 🤦🏻‍♀️

My dad back in the 90s. He worked a flexible full time job which he chose so it fit around having kids and worked from home some of the time wayyyy before it was the norm, my mum worked as well and between them someone was always home after school (primary school finished at 12.30, lower secondary at 1.30 in the country I grew up in where mums staying home or working very part time was the norm, although my dad was from a different country/continent). He did almost all of the cooking as he enjoyed it and I remember weekend mornings all three of us kids snuggling with my mum in bed while he deep cleaned the house and made breakfast for us. They also shared any drop offs, pick ups, sports, grocery shopping etc.

My husband does the majority of the housework, all the cooking, the weekly shop, all the garden stuff, 50% of parenting. I have autism and struggle a lot with that stuff, and I do what I can, but he takes the lead. He works full time too. He’s a very efficient person.

My DH is retired. Before that he WFH mostly.
I probably do more tidying and I'm more likely to research kids clubs and birthday/Christmas presents.
Most of the rest he does, takes them to most clubs, I direct phone calls from school or admin related to DS SEN to him, medical appointments, buying school uniform probably about 50/50, DS clothes about that, DD 75/25 to me. He does almost all the washing, cooking 50/50 but he's less adventurous.

Due to my commute DH always got children ready in the morning and did all school drop offs. He did all Inset Days. He also did all laundry as he found it ‘relaxing’ how I have no idea. We used to have the big tidy and clear up on Saturdays. Other stuff was more 50/50.