Men carrying the domestic load

[Slightyamusedandsilly]

Every time there is a thread about marriage (that some call 'man bashing') on here, there is a woman, giving an account of how her husband doesn't share the domestic load.

Others pile on with the 'not all men' stuff.

SO, I would love to know, genuinely, how many of us are lucky enough to have a partner (doesn't have to be actual marriage) who does the bulk of the domestic load. Either as a SAHD, or because he works part-time, or because his commute is less or he works from home.

Please, please, redress the narrative if you're able to ?

With my DH, we started off as pretty much 50/50 when we got together. With 2 kids now and both of us working full time, he realised I was way better and more efficient at the “mental load” tasks - presents, days out, planning holidays, booking appointments, emotional needs of kids and all that.

To make tasks more balanced, he decided to take on the bulk share of domestic work except cooking (which is still 50/50). He does all the laundry, cleaning (in between fortnightly cleaner), bins, changing of beddings in all rooms, tidying and so on.

it’s been working out well for us as we both feel we are both playing to our strengths.

mine is in the kitchen right beside me. I am sat at the table with a glass of water, my laptop, and he is doing the dishes. I told him that I would do them, but he said NO "you made breakfast lunch and dinner, my turn

My dh does all the cleaning and washing and half the cooking at least. He also did childcare when we needed that. And he works hard, earns great money, is handsome, kind, intelligent and attractive. They do exist! Married for over 25 years

My DP does all the laundry, vacuuming, all the admin and finances, all the holiday planning, all the driving, all the bins, unloads the dishwasher, changes the beds, books tickets for events and sorts out all the present buying for his own family.

I cook, clean the kitchen and bathroom and do gardening and DIY.

Absolutely! DH we works from home by default and is very practical. He seems to almost enjoy cleaning the bathroom, hoovering etc, putting the washing on. It's not like I don't or can't do it, it's just that when I get back from/finish work a lot of it has been done. He's a tidier person by nature anyway so I think his "threshold" triggers earlier than mine when he thinks something needs doing. I tend to be more the one for emotional support to the children, risk-managing education, cooking,organising our lives in general. It's a ying/yang thing I guess.

My

Mine does. He works full time, is 14yrs older than me. He just gets stuff done (including ironing, yay) don't think he has ever cleaned bathrooms though 😂
Depressing that he seems to be in a minority.

Even when I WFH and he was working out of the house, DH did all the cooking and cleaning. I do the washing and “life admin” stuff. To be honest he probably actually puts more wash loads on than I do and I put it away. When I was pregnant the plan was for him to leave his job and be a SAHD.

I’d say the split is 80:20 in my favour.

I do. We both carry mental load - I do medical, nursery etc and he does car, house repairs etc. I do the baby at night, he does the toddler. I do cooking, he does more of the vacuuming, washing up, and things like descaling the kettle or defrosting the freezer that frankly don't occur to me at all.

My partner is the breadwinner and works longer hours but I’d say we are evenly split with the domestic stuff. He pays for more and has a longer commute. I work from home most days and get home earlier. Weekdays I do the cooking and he does weekends. Does his own ironing, we both do the housework at the end of the day once our two year old is in bed. I have more time on my own with our little boy but when we are both in the house he’s probably doing the lions share to make up for it (e.g always does bath time). We split having to take time off when our little boy is ill eveningly.

My husband does 80% of the house load. He does all the washing, a lot of the cooking, and generally much more aware of things that need doing than I am! I do work considerably longer hours (60+ per week) and he has much shorter days, but I’m still so grateful that he’s so kind and supportive, and generous with his time. Second marriage, first was an entirely different, constant zero-sum game.

DH does everything around the house and works full time. He just gets on and does everything so who am I to get in his way? I do sometimes sit there and think I should help more but he gets genuinely offended when I offer. I think the housework is how he feels he contributes to the household. That said, I’m EBF a newborn and I do organise all family days out, appointments, budget for things like Christmas and car services, get those booked in etc. So it’s not like I don’t contribute, but definitely way less in terms of domestic chores like cooking and cleaning.

This provides great insight but makes me depressed for being a complete drudge. my husband is hopeless, he never cleans. tidying up after dinner or putting toys away is as much as he can manage, the poor dear.

I think we share stuff pretty equally.
We do different things.
Both cook
Both food shop - although he probably does more frequently
Both tidy up for the cleaner
He does more washing up than me
I clean things like the sink and the hob/ toilet
Both wash and hang up clothes
Both take kids to clubs
I tend to book all the holidays - because I like to
Both book trades for different jobs
Both help elderly parents out
I will get things moving like planning to decorate a room / picking paint colours etc - again because I like to.
He always puts the bins out.
He walks the dog more than me
We both garden - me slightly more.
He books and takes the animals to the vet
I take the kids to the dentist
So we both do stuff, it’s just different things as works for us.

We don’t do an exact 50/50 but we have definitely equal down time - I have a shorter working day in general so I might do a little more laundry and weekday cooking - he does more housework/cooking at the weekends and all gardening and more with the kids at the weekends as I do more on weekdays with the boys - so not equal every exact day but evens out over the weeks/months

Not the bulk, but a very fair share. I only ever do cleaning if he's away for work. Shopping is democratically split too. Gardening, likewise. Cooking and washing is mostly me.

I am in graduate school, my husband works full time amd lately he's been doing the vast majority of work. He cooks on the daily, he picks up, does laundry. I am in the last weeks of my program am I am so grateful.

But here's the thing: I feel bad about all he's doing. I think most men just don't give a rip. It's an expectation and that's where the problem lies.