Men carrying the domestic load

[Slightyamusedandsilly]

Every time there is a thread about marriage (that some call 'man bashing') on here, there is a woman, giving an account of how her husband doesn't share the domestic load.

Others pile on with the 'not all men' stuff.

SO, I would love to know, genuinely, how many of us are lucky enough to have a partner (doesn't have to be actual marriage) who does the bulk of the domestic load. Either as a SAHD, or because he works part-time, or because his commute is less or he works from home.

Please, please, redress the narrative if you're able to ?

Hmm. DH does all of the cooking unless it’s freezer food/pizza (maybe once a week, maybe not). He also does most of the laundry. I do all of the hoovering and general tidying away and dishes. It works well. I wouldn’t (again) be with someone that didn’t do their bit.

Oh but for balance, my exh was a ‘sahd ‘ that did 0 housework/cooking/cleaning and turned out he’d been pawning the dc off on family who didn’t tell me to cheat on me.

My DB does all the cooking & his own laundry plus most of the kids, tidying etc and is the breadwinner. SIL was SAHM for 10 years, so not exclusively gender based. They have a cleaner & now she's working again DB does all the school stuff, too. He owns a business so is always flat out.

I'd never let DH be a SAHD, which cost me my career. He's lazy & can't be bothered doing anything unless it's for his hobby/DF. He'd still require instructions & reminders, and being pushed. Only became an issue after DC.

My husband works freelance part time and has done since our daughter was 13 months old, we did shared parental leave split 8.5 months/3.5 months for our first. We now have two kids. My job was better paid/more secure so it made sense for me to go back full time.

He does most of the house work and organises the kids clubs. He does the school run also when he’s not working or we use wraparound when he is. I do most of the general life admin. We split the cooking depending on who is home, he works some weeks more than others. We have very little family support due to my parents’ ill health. Some people don’t understand it at all but it works for us at the moment.

Mine does. He does all the shopping, cooking (and all related planning/forward thinking), he cleans, and he takes DD to and from nursery. He also has Mondays off so DD doesn’t have to go to nursery full time.

I work full time and commute.

My husband does the lions share of cleaning, washing and maintenance. I do pretty much all the cooking and probably do more childcare stuff but not by loads.

We are in our 20s, no kids and my DP is a domestic God. Loves to clean, hoover, tidy, does the bins, waters the plants, great at keeping on top of the laundry. I struck gold.
I'm a better cook so do 5 or 6 dinners a week and do the dishwasher, wipe the sides when I'm done and sometimes do the bathroom. that's about it. In return I handle the mental load a bit more (remembering when car insurance needs renewing, making sure savings are in the best accounts, handling the social calendar sort of stuff).

I'm late 40s. DH late 50s. I wouldn't have settled with someone who wasn't a partner.

Since I went back to work my husband (who was made redundant a few years earlier and has now officially taken early retirement) has been doing all the household tasks. (Well, except for washing up because we always had a thing that it was done by the person who didn't cook...) Cleaning, shopping, meal planning, cooking, laundry - including mending

In previous eras he would cook at the weekends because it was something he enjoyed. He's always done the gardening.

I was a SAHM so the primary practical hands-on childcare was me, but when he wasn't at work he was a full and present parent.

Apparently when my parents first got married in 1958 they split the domestic chores (suspect my dad thought the hoover was a bit of a techy toy...)

My DP of 15 years (no kids) does all the cooking, most of the food shopping, most of the washing, way more than half of the mental load of getting shit done (neither of us any good at DIY, but it’s generally him that finds trades people and calls them and gets stuff sorted), and probably about 50% of cleaning and tidying. We both work full time. He loves cooking, and I guess I had a much more stressful/busy job than him for a long time, but his job is similar stress level/pay these days, so I should probably up my game!

Dp does vast majority of housework at the moment. I have a 9 week old.

Mine does. He used to do only the housework and finances, and fixing his own clothing but now that he's not working and I am, he does all household chores.

Mine does more around the house than i do most of the time!
I work 50+ hours and have a bunch if auto immune conditions that make it hard for me to do the heavier work so he does all the hoovering, mopping, most of the deep cleaning and puts away most of the laundry.
I do the washing, cooking and sort the main online food shop (sometimes do click and collect which he will go pick up)
I will change the beds but always leave the duvet cover to him!
We share everyday cleaning and tidying, if im having a bad day he will do more and let me rest.
The kids arent his but hes been in their lives 10 years! The youngest is 14 and is autistic/pda, she can be extremely demanding so he will help with her when she lets him but often she only wants me so the days im busy dealing with her he just gets on with whatever else needs doing. He does the majority of the running around in the car, like taking her to her dads or going to get her whatever the latest food fad is or just picking up bits we've run out of from the shop.
I also have a 16yr old who is pretty self sufficient but hes been doing some training to hopefully get a job working at the same place as my DP and DP has been helping him a lot with that, mainly going through the book, practice the assessment questions, practicing the practical elements plus driving him to and from the next town over when he has training days to attend.

My husband has always done atleast 50%. I admits he cherry picks and doesnt like dusting or cleaning bathrooms. But he does all bins, most vaccing, garden, some food shopping, most of the laundry etc, dishwasher etc. What's best is he isnt an 'I'll do it later'. He likes to get things done more or less straight away. He was pretty hands on too with the 3 kids. I'm more tidying up, cleaning, cooking. Emotional support and physical comfort type stuff with the kids I do 90% of and life admin etc. He likes to be on the go, I'm a lucky girl.

We’re in our sixties.

We’re late 40s.

We’re both 53. DH does all cooking, all grocery shopping, most of laundry, most of getting DS to training stuff. But he’s not unusual among the men I know. I know a couple of former SAHDs, one current SAHD, several who do most or all cooking etc. One of my best friends is a dad who did all the school runs when I was also doing them. Bluntly, I don’t know any woman who would stay married to the type of men routinely described on here. I get that someone is married to them, but it’s no one I know. Not that my friends’ marriages are some kind of flawless heavens, but they’re not skivvies for men who’ve weaponised incompetence.

My husband works double the hours of me but definitely does a lot. I’ve never had to leave him instructions or ask him to do anything, he did own his own house before he met me and had been living on his own for years.
I work weekends so he does all the washings, childcare, cooking etc during the week I cook and he cleans the kitchen after me every night. His dad is the same though so this is normal to him.
A lot of my friends husbands don’t pull their weight though.

This. I always said i would not marry anyone who wasnt willing to share the household tasks or who didn't see it as a team effort. ( Been married 32 yrs). If you go ahead and set up home with someone without agreeing this and being sure of how these things will be divided, then I hope youre saving for therapy, a divorce or a housekeeper. (My DH is a SAHD and is amazing but originally we both worked, then just him, then just me- we are a team and both do the majority of household tasks and admin)

My husband is a domestic god lol, I’m so lucky to have him! I’m pretty sure I’m undiagnosed ADHD and have the worst executive dysfunction when it comes to completing household tasks. I help where I can but he does the bulk of it. He doesn’t work as he’s our little boys carer and I work from home full time.

I’m a SAHM and DH is a CEO so he has much less spare time than I do, but he does properly pitch in. On weekends he does 60/70% of the child related stuff, willingly without me asking. I do all of the cleaning but he does all the other life admin stuff. I couldn’t even tell you who our gas/electric company is

Mine does because I work long hours and then do private work at the weekend. He does the vast majority of the shopping and cleaning and always has the house lovely when I get home. He isnt so good at cooking but I dont mind doing that anyway. He takes our son into school most mornings and does the dog walk half the days.

Compared to my friends husbands he is an absolute treasure.

My DH retired a few months ago, I work 4 days a week from home.

I have always done the majority of the domestic load but it worked because, since ~2010 I have worked from home. Covid came along and DH started working at home but didn’t really pick up much domestically.

Before he retired we discussed this and he said he’d do more. All good.

Now my reality is that if I ask him to do something like run the hoover round or put the washing on he will, but only after a bit of reminding and some instructions. The other day he said he wanted to cook, I said I’d already planned & shopped for a specific meal and he said he would cook it. It needed prepping & putting in the oven during the afternoon and I would have taken a quick break from work to do that but no worries, I left him to it. Around 6:30 that evening he announced that he’d go and cook now!

I am more irritated now than I ever was when I did the majority. I hate having to carry the load in my head & ask/remind him to do something, I am not his mother.

I know this is not what you asked but I wanted to vent.

DH is working full time from home and does quite a lot around the house like bins, garden, car related stuff, bills, bathroom cleanning, dish washing etc. He drops the kids off at school when he can and is in charge of one DCs sports trainning, gear maintaining and competitions. We never argue about who is doing what, we just naturally share the load because we are really a team sharing the same goals.

Husband work 7-4.30
I do all the childcare of a only child and sort our meals out..it seems he just lives with us. But pays the bills and complains of being a taxi