Men carrying the domestic load

[Slightyamusedandsilly]

Every time there is a thread about marriage (that some call 'man bashing') on here, there is a woman, giving an account of how her husband doesn't share the domestic load.

Others pile on with the 'not all men' stuff.

SO, I would love to know, genuinely, how many of us are lucky enough to have a partner (doesn't have to be actual marriage) who does the bulk of the domestic load. Either as a SAHD, or because he works part-time, or because his commute is less or he works from home.

Please, please, redress the narrative if you're able to ?

My DH does half, if not more of everything and without being asked

My DH does all the morning school runs, all the laundry, some cleaning but ALL the tidying and kitchen clean up, the bins, garden maintence and handles all the hobby stuff of one child

I do packed lunches, afternoon school
runs, 95% of cooking, all the interior design, all the garden design (I.e I do all the planting, growing- he does all the trimming, raking etc) I handle all the hobby stuff of other child.

we share the food shopping.

we both work FT. I am breadwinner, for whatever that matters.

He is a wonderful partner.

Yes mine does too - he does all the cooking and cleans the house. I do the washing and washing up but appreciate he does more than me.

My DH does all the cooking, almost all cleaning and gardening. He is also the only person in the house who irons 😂

I do the laundry, all the food shopping (my DH doesn’t drive), and all family admin. I also deal with taking our daughter to appointments and trips to the vets with our pets. I am also the family tidier and finder of things!

We only have one child and my DH condensed his hours when she was a baby to do some childcare. Until she went to school, I did all drop offs and pick ups from nursery, but now he does them all because he works from home. I do a bit more childcare at weekends, do homework with her etc.

My job is much more demanding, in terms of hours and emotional impact, and with no option to WFH and I also earn more. However we didn’t make decisions based on that - I’m shit at cleaning and although I can cook, I don’t enjoy it, whereas he does. I am very organised and efficient at organising. So I suppose we both play to our strengths!

This set up works for us and has done for a long time (we have lived together for almost 25 years).

My husband is fab. Currently in the kitchen making dinner as he does every night as I sit in front of the fire he lit and cleans every day. He warms my car up before I go to the gym does all the cooking

When we were younger I was career focused, just at the start of a new career. We had children, I went back to work with a lot of travel, OH became main carer for the children and looked after the house while still working. Fortunately his work was nearby and had childcare facilities. These days we've settled into a routine that suits us.

We are in our 30s.

I'm a SAHM, DH works FT, but he also cleans when he thinks something needs cleaning, puts a load of washing on, will do at least half of nursery pick ups and drop offs. Also gets up a over 50% for night wake ups.

We split bath time. I then give DD a pre-bed feed with a story. Then DH does bedtime (he will sometimes join us for a story).

I do more gardening, general tidying, most of the washing, cook 5 days out of 7 and arrange the groceries, thinking about buying presents or new clothes or holidays.

DH does the majority of booking the trades (we are renovating), but I do most of the planning for what we want done.

I get more free time than him. He does work away sometimes so gets a break then, and has the very occasional weekend away with friends, but he seems to prefer spending time with his family, especially whilst DD is so young.

I'm really lucky in my marriage and I am grateful everyday. I think the big thing is he never moans or complains if I drop the ball, he just will work with me to make a plan.

My hubby does most of the cooking. I do the cleaning and we try and parent equally. However, my little boy can be a bit of a handful, so hubby has taken to doing the lions share with him as I find it physically difficult. He also does most of the driving.

We have been together for more than 30 years and the household tasks have always been fairly evenly divided. I married a man who had been living in his own house and looking after himself. He knew how to do housework & cooking plus gardening etc. Who has been the main breadwinner has swapped around between us for various reasons. Now we are retired and both disabled we struggle a bit, but share the tasks as best we can.

Mine, he does majority of the housework whilst holding down a FT job, I work PT but struggle with MH issues, I'm very lucky he does school drop off and then goes to work, fitting housework around his downtime.

I'm very lucky and our DS has a great role model

Mine is a team player and does anything that needs doing. He did when our kids were small too.
There have been times I’ve shouldered more of the load, because he needed me to; equally he has done the lions share when I needed him to.

He’s a goodun.

Maybe in your circle, in that age group, but that doesn't apply across the board.

I'm in my 60s.
I can think of 4 couples I know well where the husband has retired, and the wife hasn't, and the dh does everything.
I can think of one set of very good friends in their 70s where both are retired and he does nearly everything - he is just hopeless as sitting still, whereas she enjoys more social things outside the home - lunches or meeting friends for coffee or reading or strolling round a museum or shops or round a tourist attraction or pretty small town with a friend me but he's not interested.
Funnily enough I was talking to two women (I'd guess late 40s / early 50s - both have secondary age dc) that I was volunteering with earlier in the week who both said their dh's are both in roles with more flexible hours than them, and, as it happens work closer to home, and that both of them do all the cooking, organising of dc, and most of the housework.

I mean, amongst my dc, their cousins, and friends, it is pretty normal that things are 50:50. Although one who is married to a teacher, does everything in their house as she is just overwhelmed.

I have a job that means I’m out a few evenings a week, sometimes 5. DH picks up kids, does tea, bath and bed. He does at least half the housework but I do Christmas, birthdays, meal planning, food shop, school admin, laundry. So it turns out about equal. We are a good team.

Actually a few of my friends, my db and two dbils. Everything is just shared with them and wives always, saying that they’re all very exact and some get very stressed over everything so not sure how I feel 😅

My DP works weekends when I'm not working, so I have DS most of the weekend on my own. His 2 days off are during the week so he has DS by himself then. He does drop offs at nursery twice a week and I do pick ups. As he starts work later then me, he'll do a quick tidy up round the house before going to work (washing up, clothes away etc). I cook most of the meals and sort out shopping and probably do most of the cleaning, but if I ever ask him to do something like clean the bathroom, or fix the dodgy cupboard etc it's done. I definitely manage DS admin eg buying clothes, doctors appointments etc but DP pulls his weight when told about it lol. His work is more unsociable hours and a 40 hour week where I'm 37 hours a week, office based with flexible working. I think we have a pretty good share of the housework/child care

My DH passed away years ago, but I’d say we shared SOME of the load, in that he took care of all the finances, car insurance, mortgage, bills etc. But I did all the actual ‘doing’ - taking the cars for MOT, dealing with tradesmen for repairs and of course anything to do with the kids. I was the SAHP. He was perfectly able if he had to - when he lived on his own post divorce from his first wife there was not a dirty cup in the sink, everything was ship shape and he managed his kids/parent evenings etc.
There was a couple SAHDs at our school and they did the typical ‘wife’ role for lack of another term. Did all child related care, house related etc. I mean if that’s the way it works, that one parent stays at home, surely they should do the majority if it?
But have to say with all my friends though (I’m in my 60s), even with both working full time, the women did the vast majority. Some men may pick up more domestic chores if they have less working hours, but the ‘life admin’? Making sure the kids go to the dentist, that they have costumes for whatever school theme, that Jonny’s sports kit is washed for the match …. The women did that even with demanding jobs.

Mine does very little unfortunately and it's the main thing that really hacks me off about him. It's the only thing we really argue about.

We (well DH really) have a friend who is ex navy and he doesn't think his wife does housework properly so he takes charge. He cleans, does laundry, irons and keeps the house very tidy. His wife does most of the cooking and shopping so they seem happy enough and I think that's the key, are you happy with the way things sort themselves out in your relationship of so, no problem.

I used to do everything then had to work away for a few months out of necessity and ever since then, DH has taken over the cooking. He does the food shop, the packed lunches and meal plans and I will never go back. I still do pretty much do everything else apart from the bins and the cars but it’s manageable.

My DH wfh 1 or 2 days per week, otherwise he has an hour commute into London. I was working 14hrs per week until last week. He does all the meals when he's home, the weekly shop and all the laundry. I cook 3/4 days per week and do all the school/club runs. We have a cleaner.
I think I'm pretty lucky tbf. I am going to take over the laundry again.

Partner is 54, I'm 48

I do 100%. And Im a bloke who lives alone!

My DH is wonderful. He is the breadwinner, he does the majority of school runs, collections, washes/folds/puts away clothes and helps clean the house. I work PT and do cooking and food shopping. I’m astounded by what some MN women do, especially when they are often working FT and are co-breadwinners.

Things change over time and every now and then we have had to have a reshuffle.

At the beginning of our relationship when we both worked full time and had no kids, we looked after our own car each and shared household stuff and cooking pretty much 50/50.

After I became disabled I went part time 3 days a week and could no longer drive so my car went. I did more household stuff as I was at home more, DH did all the car stuff, and we shared cooking 50/50.

After DH started WFH we had a big arguement because suddenly there was so much more mess with him being at home all day, but he still assumed keeping the house tidy was my job. I lost it one day and said no fucking way, you're the one at home most of the time now, get hoovering. Strangely, since he started sharing the cleaning, he makes a lot less mess...🤔

Now I do about 60% household stuff, DH does most of the cooking and food shopping. I do a bit more general child wrangling, but DH drives to clubs and stuff.

Overall I think I get a good deal.

My husband does the domestic load. He was a SAHD until our DC was 9 months, then works 2 days a week but aside from that house and baby care (while I work 9-5, hybrid). He's fantastic and also does all the washing up. I make sure to spend quality time with them both over the evenings and weekends. Hopefully one day we can switch places though for a bit so I can spend more time with our DC