Men carrying the domestic load

[Slightyamusedandsilly]

Every time there is a thread about marriage (that some call 'man bashing') on here, there is a woman, giving an account of how her husband doesn't share the domestic load.

Others pile on with the 'not all men' stuff.

SO, I would love to know, genuinely, how many of us are lucky enough to have a partner (doesn't have to be actual marriage) who does the bulk of the domestic load. Either as a SAHD, or because he works part-time, or because his commute is less or he works from home.

Please, please, redress the narrative if you're able to ?

I think there are definitely men who love family life and want to be involved with their kids. I don’t think men are encouraged enough to have confidence in this - lots of young women want complete control when they have children and men just withdraw.

Mine does a lot of it because of my work pattern. He works from home, I work 12 hour shifts with an hour commute each way. Realistically fuck all would get done if it was down to me so he does it without complaint!

Mine does. All the cooking, all food shopping, most of the laundry. Most of the house-related admin. More of the ‘dropping DS to football training’ driving.

Only caveat is that he travels a lot for work.

Mine does.

I have to admit my DH is a better housemate than me. We both have some work from home days. He is the better cleaner and cook so he takes that on including the dreaded loo and shower clean. We both look after DC on equal terms. I really have no cause for complaint as he does pull his weight compared to the men I grew up with - my dad and brother who both relied on my mum to do all the domestic things. As a result my brother is very lazy.

My DH does all of the ironing, most of the cooking and shopping, all of the DIY and garden stuff, sorts the bins. We share the cleaning and laundry. I do most of the ‘admin’ - finances and ‘mental load’ of family life, and the school runs. I wfh full time, he is out of the house 7.30-4.30. I earn more if that makes a difference, but my job is more flexible most of the time. We have a cleaner, and relatively low standards!

I’m single but I will hold my hands up and say that I am the one who leaves the cup by the sink rather than putting it in the dishwasher! (I’m female). I’d say in most of my relationships the man has done at least half because I don’t care enough to do it all! This is where the issues come I think. IMO, lots of women have high standards and feel frustrated that their partner doesn’t match that. Whereas that’s never an issue for me.

I’m not saying I live in a hovel or anything. But for example, I’m happy to leave dinner dishes till the next morning. I might leave a pile of clean washing until I get round to putting it away, which could be a couple of days. Things like that.

I couldn’t live with most MNers because I would genuinely find it stressful to have to always be aware of cleaning or tidying every little thing as I use it. There is a narrative that it’s a male/female difference/issue but I wouldn’t say that’s necessarily true. It might be more heavily weighted that women do more but it’s not always the case.

Mine does. Whoever is home first does the cooking and the other one washes up. Cleaning is done by both of us, the only thing I do is the food shop because I work in a supermarket so get it when I’ve finished work. Things like washing and ironing are done by whoever has the day off and we don’t have many diy things but I’m not completely useless at those so I’ll have a go. Our kids are adults and have their own homes so it’s definitely easier with just two of us.

Three of my four sons are married with children and they all share the domestic work load between themselves and their wives equally . All sons do school runs, pick ups, laundry, shopping and any household tasks that are needed.

Mine does. He works 3 days at home 2 in office. Does most if the cooking, takes dd to her hobby, walks the dog, does all the food shopping. We share the housework on a what needs done basis. He's a really good guy 🥰

Mine does. He works 3 days a week and has always had 2 days a week alone with the kids so he can do everything unprompted and is the one who decides nap/snack routine etc. He's also named parent at nursery and is first to be rung. He's great at housework and often cooks tea whilst I catch up with the kids after work. I'm so lucky.

My dad did most of the domestic and childcare stuff. My DM was the breadwinner and had lots of other interests. Dad cooked my tea, bought my Beano, took me to school on the crossbar of his bike! This was the 70s / 80s, they were hippies, but it was pretty unusual at the time. It worked well for them, overall. I think we should be much more flexible about family gender roles. Beyond pregnancy and breastfeeding, there's no need to be rigid about it all.

Mine does all of the cooking. He’s disabled so can’t manage much else but now we’re retired he wants to find a cleaner. Has also found a laundry who collects the bedding.

We’re very much 50/50 in our house (with DH likely doing more). We’ve both always worked full time & with the 3 DCs, have always both pulled our weight. We do have a cleaner & a gardener, so that helps a lot though too.

I will say though that I don’t consider myself ‘lucky’ - I would never have stayed with a man who didn’t pull their weight & a lot of threads on here absolutely baffle me what women will put up with!

Mine. He works 4 days and has the baby one day. I have the baby 2 days and work 3. I'm paid more. He does equal nights and nappy changes. He does all the cooking and meal planning. I do all the bits that involve talking to people and most of the financial stuff. I do laundry and holiday planning.

ETA I wouldn't be with someone who didn't pull his weight and I don't understand other women either. I hate to victim blame, but if more women refused to let men treat them like servants, they'd be more decent boys who grew up into decent men.

My husband was the same when I was working full time as a nurse- he looked after our 5 kids, did school runs and kept the house running. When I got ill and was medically retired he added looking after me to his list! Now I'm better we share 50 / 50.
I am aware I have an amazing husband xxx😍

It's fairly equal in our house. I do more childcare in the week and during school holidays as I work term time only and school hours too. At weekends, dh probably does more than I do in terms of housework and takes the kids out a lot. I'm on the sofa right now, feeling a bit poorly, and he has taken them out to the shops.

I’m currently sorting the washing out after bathing our daughter and cleaning, whilst the wife is out on the yard, this is a normal thing for us.

My wife does most the cooking and I’ll be the Not so glamorous sous chef.

My partner works away 3 nights and gets home Thursday nights.
When home he does the weeks food shopping for us both, he'll cook all weekend and just does whatever housework is needed without discussion.

He doesn't do weekly household tasks like changing linen or cleaning bathroom as I do this on a Thursday.

We dont have children but have a dog. I usually walk him but if I'm busy he'll just do it. Today he bathed him as I commented yesterday he was itchy again.

So, despite working 50 hours with a long trip each side he doesn't expect to be 'served' or to not contribute when home.

My DH works more hours than me and also does more of the housework. I do most of the cooking and emotional stuff with the kids (DH is autistic). Acts of service is his way of showing love to me.

DH is retired and I'm still working. He does most of the housework, cleaning, food shopping etc, all the ironing, and he is cooking dinner this evening. I get a cup of tea brought to me in bed every morning, and he also makes my packed lunch to take to work.

We’re 50/50 and seeing posts on here and hearing from friends I feel very fortunate. We have 3 kids including one with additional needs, both work full time, split life admin, school runs and club commitments. It’s a lot, we’re both perpetually knackered but will step up to give the other a break if needed. I do the majority of housework, balanced by him cooking most days. I can’t imagine being with someone who didn’t pull their weight, I’d just find it such an unattractive trait and wouldn’t have had more than one child if he wasn’t the way he is.

Mine does 50/ 50.
He cleans and does laundry.
i do food and bills

I'd like to say we're equal but I think honestly my male partner does more

I am disabled so my husband does most of the domestic chores as well as going to work all day! There are definitely men out there that pull their weight.