Men carrying the domestic load

[Slightyamusedandsilly]

Every time there is a thread about marriage (that some call 'man bashing') on here, there is a woman, giving an account of how her husband doesn't share the domestic load.

Others pile on with the 'not all men' stuff.

SO, I would love to know, genuinely, how many of us are lucky enough to have a partner (doesn't have to be actual marriage) who does the bulk of the domestic load. Either as a SAHD, or because he works part-time, or because his commute is less or he works from home.

Please, please, redress the narrative if you're able to ?

I have a good one, although there’s always room for improvement. Lol.
he works the night shift but has dropped one of his nights to take care of DD. He then goes to bed for about 3 hours when I get home before going to work. He drops off and picks up DD from the childminder. Household jobs are probably split 60/40 with me doing the 60. He doesn’t really do any cleaning 🙄 but he does the gardening.

This is me. I’m a slob. Every male partner of mine has always done 50% if not more around the house - even the ones who were misogynist in other ways - because they cared more than me. Current partner does all
the cooking and food shopping and 50% of everything else but we’re both lazy slobs so hoovering and cleaning is once a week or less.

I have never met a man who genuinely behaved as an equal partner (and I am no domestic goddess), so I have stayed single.

So far I have been happier living life just with my ds than cleaning up after a lazy man.

I am not saying that won't change in the future. Ever optimistic 🤗

Dh works full time...I don't. He does most of the cleaning, hoovering, we share the cooking. I do laundry and ironing. He actually loves cleaning.

Mine does. We both work four days to cover mon/Friday childcare. He works from home but condensed hours so longer days but still does majority of housework, laundry, cooking. He is amazing. I am pregnant at the moment and had months of sickness and now bad pelvic pain and he is doing every bedtime with our 4 year old and helps me with anything I need. I do all the nursery drop offs and pick ups but just because it makes sense with my commute. Definitely feel like I am taking the mick sometimes but I never would have chosen to marry someone who didn't do at least half!

I know one who does. He is the one who does all the cleaning. They do mostly their own ironing. He does all the gardening and all the renovations work of which there is a lot as they are constantly doing their house up, and car repairs.

they both work. Same role different location but she gets tired and he is desperate for her to be happy. It’s a weird relationship but it seems to work for them. She reads a lot, doesn’t like socialising and is very quiet.

My husband does it, but he told me it’s for him, not me. It relaxes him. If that’s any good to you 🙏

Us, we split stuff quite evenly down the middle with mental and physical load. I have a more creative job than him - my hours are more waffy and I have more time in the day. He earns more than me. This is reflected in our load, but doesn’t mean he can bow 🙇‍♀️ out of day-to-day life.

We are a team. Every now and then he moans nobody but him empties the bins, and I mutter about meal planning.

When all the influencers come out at Christmas saying how they do it all and how useless their husbands are it makes me sigh. It’s not cool, or how it should be. We share it all. Pick our preferred jobs, then divvy up the rest.

I would love to know the ages of the couples where men are pulling their weight; I’m in my 50’s and it’s a rarity.

Definitely the exception rather than the rule in this age group.

In our earlier stages of relationship we worked out that I had no interest in being his mother, he lived in his own before I moved in and was capable of cooking cleaning etc We just continued to share that responsibility. When we got pregnant, we worked out how much maternity leave we could afford & we also discussed whether I would be or he would have the option of being SAHP - we both agreed in order to have a balance fair for both we both shared the care, nursery drop offs etc which meant both have done okish with our carers.

He cooks most nights as he enjoys it and I clean up the mess after!

I also respect he has a hobby and he needs that let out, so 1 or 2 evenings a week I’m left to enjoy having full control of the TV. But if he needed to be at home he would cancel the hobby.

I wouldn’t have stayed with him or had another child with him if he changed. No one’s perfect and we’ve both had days where neither of us want to do anything! Married 22 years with a 22 & 16 year old, during my eldest primary school years was one of only 2/3 dads doing the school run.

His Dad used to pick him up 45 years ago from primary school, so it’s normal to him to do that.

Mine does! We took shared parental leave when DD8 was born. He never went back to work as he hated his job which was not well paid so commute costs +childcare costs meant we world have been worse off.

He does drop offs /pick ups , weekday clubs weekends dog walks. Also most cleaning , laundry and ironing (he has vvvvv high cleaning standards)

I do weekend meals, food and DD clothes shopping, bills , presents , weekend activities etc

He is more domestic than me- I have always been more career focused. He and DD have a closeness that I envy and being the sole breadwinner is stressful but it’s the best fit for us both

Is this the opening line for a comedy sketch? It’s very good.

Mine does, I haven’t washed clothes, ironed or washed dishes or changed a bed in 10+ years. Although he doesn’t clean bathrooms, and isn’t great at vacuuming, there are things he picks up and is better at and there are things I pick up because I’m better at them.

Good question!
I’m on maternity with my 7 month old, husband works full-time.

Obviously I am the main carer for the baby as husband works but he does 90% of baths for baby (he’s good at it, both him and baby enjoy them more than when I do it, husband in charge of weaning etc :D)

We share housework I’d say 50-50 and try to play to our natural strengths (I mop, he Hoovers, both load & unload dishwasher and washing machine, I fold laundry cause I’m better at it etc).

There are also certain chores that husband usually does because I don’t enjoy them at all (cleaning bathroom, cat litter trays etc) And certain things only I will do such as decluttering stuff/rearranging furniture, I will delegate and be in charge of deep/spring cleans - again, because it’s more my kind of thing and I currently have more to plan this…

Husband does majority of cooking in this season of our life (I’m not the most natural cook and will do my stock usual recipes or try new recipes when inspiration strikes lol. From time to time I’ll get Hello Fresh as it helps me making healthy meals with my ADHD (otherwise too much overwhelm trying to buy ingredients in right quantities etc)

Husband does all the bills, mortgage renewal, car, house & garden maintenance, DIY (usually call handyman 😁)

So yes, overall I’d say we are at the very least sharing the load equally but actually if you add everything up, I’d say husband takes on the majority of domestic load (and as someone else mentioned, I wouldn’t be with someone who isn’t pulling their weight - I grew up my mum mothering my dad and doing everything, what’s the point?)

Yes mine does the majority of the actual PAYE work, and 50% of the housework.

We are late 60s

We’re in our 50s, both work full time, 2 teen DC - everyone in our house is expected to share the load, mental and physical!

I don't think either of us do the majority, it's pretty evenly split. We've jever particularly discussed it, it was just always the expectations we both had.

I do do more of the school runs but because my job requires me to WFH 4 days a week. But the organising of DC activities/social events, household tasks, Christmas planning etc is all pretty equal.

DH gets the dcs ready and gives them breakfast every morning, supervises homework and music practice, looks after youngest when I take the eldest to clubs, does bathtime, laundry, bins, washing up, taking to weekend clubs, unpacks food shopping after a delivery, half of bedtimes, preps school snack box and packed lunches for weekends, packs school bags, financial admin, holiday booking. I'm a sahm and have various other time commitments. I look after my youngest in the afternoons (at morning preschool) so I probably do a bit more childcare than him at the moment, but combined with his ft job he probably has the bigger overall load. I don't ask him to do it, he just likes to take responsibility and often the dcs ask for him.

Mid-40s. But from families who have done it for longer. FIL (now 80) retired early and did the majority of childcare while MIL went to university as a mature student and re-trained. My dad was always at his share of parties and ferrying to activities. Both FIL and my dad always did all the washing up, gardening, hoovering and ironing.

We are in our 50s and dh more than pulls his weight, always has.

Married 30 years. Together 35. Have always shared everything. He's now retired and pretty much does all the cooking 😊👍
Does all "man" jobs but he's a tradie and for some reason I'm not allowed to do the bins!
Something we need to address is that I do all the life admin, so if anything happened to me he wouldn't have a clue.
Complete shared finances too since our first mortgage together

Mine does. He does all the cooking, meal planning and food shopping (I'll very occasionally pop into shops if I'm passing and I fancy something but I can go weeks without going to the supermarket). He usually cleans the kitchen too

He books all the after-school clubs, babysitters and wraparound care. We share pickups and drop-offs and things like taking dc to birthday parties and hobbies. We share bath and bedtimes too so both get evenings off.

I do most of the laundry (because he's colourblind!) and change sheets etc.I also buy dc clothes and his clothes (see above) but we share trips to Clarks to get new shoes fitted.

Rest of the cleaning tasks we share, like hoovering, bathrooms and garden stuff. He's very good at finding deals so organises big purchases and looks for Christmas present deals etc. But I do most of the decluttering and Vinted selling as that wouldn't be his priority at all!

Mine does but it’s taken me having stage 4 cancer for us to get there 🙄

Mine does the bulk of the cooking & cleaning (I do laundry).

When he retired he insisted we stopped having a cleaner because he preferred to do it himself.

Seriously!