I'm avoiding telling everyone because it's all so horrible.

[sladtheinkaler]

I've posted elsewhere. I'm having a horrible time.

10 days ago my lovely husband, who I have been with for 30 years, told me that he's been having an affair for 4 years. Not only that, but he has carefully and systematically screwed me over financially. I'm stuffed. He is leaving me to be with her. He doesn't like me, and he doesn't like our children or our family.

My 17 yr old son is right in the middle of some very important exams, so I asked DH to just wait until Friday to tell the kids. We have three, and they're all teenagers. He agreed, and we've been pretending things are normal since he told me. He goes to see this woman and then comes home for dinner and eats the meal I cooked for the family. He is packing his clothes and stuff in secret and stashing stuff in the garage, ready to move out on Saturday.

I am hanging by a thread. I haven't really told anyone. How can I? If I admitted it, I'd dissolve into sobbing and never stop. I am crying in secret in the shower and in the car. I am thinking about what needs to happen for the children, and financially etc. I get on well with my collegues and they have clocked that I'm a bit down, but I can't bring myself to tell them. It's so humiliating. He has acted with breathtaking deceit and cruelty, and I had no idea. I thought we were happy. I loved and trusted him.

He has told his family, who are lovely. They are rallying round and supporting him. Long phonecalls. They have not reached out to me. I've known them since I was 17. I'm so envious of their support. They're great people. They're also very wealthy and will support him.

I haven't told my own family. My mother is away on a trip. She lives in another country anyway. I probably ought to tell one of my brothers - but how? I'll just be a sobbing mess on the phone and then what? Then it will still all be true and one more person will know. For what?

I have told a friend who is lovely. She is supportive.

I think I need a bit more support, but I also know that even if I told people there is no support for this. I just have to put on a brave face and be a rock for the kids.

I can't believe he's done this.

Who do I tell? How?

This is so brilliant. Particularly sobering is the idea that they have no shared courtship narrative or milestones because the beginning of an affair is shrouded in secrecy and duplicity.

Honestly the men at the moment are absolute assholes!
so forget that he is a “lovely” husband. He is not. He is a vindictive evil asshole who doesn’t deserve you. How he has gone for 4 yeasts shows how spineless and conniving he is. Good luck to his mistress she will need it.
YOU. Need to think about urself and your kids asap. U need to get in that garage and go through all the things he is taking, get his bank account details pay slips ANYTHING to do with finances you need to keep and get copies of. He is going to make u sell the house pretty soon. U need proof of his wages to hurt him where it hurts. ££££££££.
even though ur not a horrible person u need to protect yourself and the kids right now. He is coming for you financially and you need to be ready.u think he is lovely well when solicitors get involved u will c the real him. You have to do this
now. ASAP. Plenty of time to lick your wounds soon enough and ur kids will give u support too. Tell everyone. U have nothing to hide or be ashamed at. But you need to be strong right now, u need to find strength to get the paperwork in order and you need a solicitor. Like Monday morning get right on the phone. Don’t worry about money sort it later. He HAS to still
support the younger kids under 18. Don’t let him fob u off. Please go now, all weekend get everything in order copy what u can, take photos, the lot. Change passwords to bills, tv everything so he can’t do it.
come on now, u can do this. Be brave and be bold. Don’t let him win. He doesn’t care for u or his kids he is leaving them too, couldn’t even wait for
exams. Absolute maggot.

Tell everyone! You need the support and he is a complete arsehole. I would reach out to his family too and have a good cry. They might be more supportive than you think. But definitely reach out to your own friends and relatives. Good luck with this. I can tell you are strong as you are holding it together. Everyone has shit to get through in life and today's gossip is tomorrow's fish and chip wrapper as they say. Xxxx

OP. What a scumbag. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.

🌺 thinking of you op @sladtheinkaler