I'm avoiding telling everyone because it's all so horrible.

[sladtheinkaler]

I've posted elsewhere. I'm having a horrible time.

10 days ago my lovely husband, who I have been with for 30 years, told me that he's been having an affair for 4 years. Not only that, but he has carefully and systematically screwed me over financially. I'm stuffed. He is leaving me to be with her. He doesn't like me, and he doesn't like our children or our family.

My 17 yr old son is right in the middle of some very important exams, so I asked DH to just wait until Friday to tell the kids. We have three, and they're all teenagers. He agreed, and we've been pretending things are normal since he told me. He goes to see this woman and then comes home for dinner and eats the meal I cooked for the family. He is packing his clothes and stuff in secret and stashing stuff in the garage, ready to move out on Saturday.

I am hanging by a thread. I haven't really told anyone. How can I? If I admitted it, I'd dissolve into sobbing and never stop. I am crying in secret in the shower and in the car. I am thinking about what needs to happen for the children, and financially etc. I get on well with my collegues and they have clocked that I'm a bit down, but I can't bring myself to tell them. It's so humiliating. He has acted with breathtaking deceit and cruelty, and I had no idea. I thought we were happy. I loved and trusted him.

He has told his family, who are lovely. They are rallying round and supporting him. Long phonecalls. They have not reached out to me. I've known them since I was 17. I'm so envious of their support. They're great people. They're also very wealthy and will support him.

I haven't told my own family. My mother is away on a trip. She lives in another country anyway. I probably ought to tell one of my brothers - but how? I'll just be a sobbing mess on the phone and then what? Then it will still all be true and one more person will know. For what?

I have told a friend who is lovely. She is supportive.

I think I need a bit more support, but I also know that even if I told people there is no support for this. I just have to put on a brave face and be a rock for the kids.

I can't believe he's done this.

Who do I tell? How?

Thinking of you today 💕

Thinking about you and your kids. You will get through this. We’re all willing you on. There are much brighter times ahead 🌞

Is it still contempt of court to fail to disclose ALL assets?

Thank you for the thoughts. It is appreciated, and it has genuinely helped to know that people are thinking of me and my children and wishing us well.

We have told them and he has gone. It was awful. Worst thing I have ever had to do. We will be okay. We are being kind to each other. Tears and hugs. Some weird laughs through the tears too. Strange times.

I promise you that it will get better. Eventually you will be much happier. It may not feel like it now, but I promise you that it will. x

You and the kids will be ok in the end. And better to know now.

keeping hugging and laughing where you can.

how awful. Sending all the love.

So sorry OP. Hope you’re ok this evening, sending hugs 🥰

You are all so sensible and brave, you must be very proud of your kids. What an apology of a father and husband you are all well shot of him. Build new and better lives.

Bless you, thats the worst part over, well done for staying strong
what do the kids think about their dad just upping and leaving like that?

That's so awful, OP. To have him just leave like that must be beyond strange. In the blink of an eye, no one's life will ever be the same, just for some pussy. I could wring his neck for you, I really could. Men who leave their families are the absolute lowest of the low, scum of the earth. I hope his "relationship" goes completely tits up. And it might well, now that it's out in the open. I don't see how you can possibly get to know someone well under clandestine circumstances. He is playing a very dangerous game, and I hope he falls absolutely flat on his face from a great height.

You're doing fabulously OP so sorry that you and your lovely children have been treated so appallingly. He should be ashamed. You will be OK!

It’s unlikely that he’s genuinely blown all his savings. He may just have transferred them to his affair partner’s name which will be fairly easy to trace.

If you’re renting and have no property equity that’s a shame but the settlement could potentially involve part of his pension.

OP - a quick Google tells me that only 1-10% of men who leave their spouses for an affair partner find stable happiness, and 75% of marriages that began as an affair don't even last five years. Your husband is a fool. I doubt he's even factored in the loss of respect he'll suffer from his children forever, too.

In this case you have to start think smarter.
Have you seen the Other Woman movie....yes yes i know its a movie.
But you have to gather the strength to fight for YOUR survival and the KIDS.
Do anything that needs to be done if it benefits you.

Dont be ashamed, its better than your husband of 30 leaving you for another man because hes gay.

I think you will be happier. Maybe you thought you were happy but he's obviously a lying shit. In a years time you will look back and realize you are so much happier than you were in the marriage and it will be great!

Of course other people's stories can be relevant to the OP's situation. They can also provide some comfort by demonstrating that OP can get past this and be happier without her disgusting husband in her life.

By the way, a few people have sent me a private message. I'm afraid I can't open private messages in my browser. Not sure why. So I have not been able to read any of them.

This is what I think too you can't create lasting happiness from someone elses unhappiness , misery.
The way he tried to punish you for his behaviour, saying he doesn't like your children, and making you suffer in the week leading up to your son's exam.
This won't make him happy.

What an absolute fool he is to walk away from his family. He’s left. But you’re left with each other, and you have what matters most. ❤️

Anyway wishing you and your family health and healing and happiness in the future.

This. Crazy how women scream get married constantly. Then women in droves are here posting here. This is incredibly sad to read! Especially the part where OP states she's known her DH family since 17! Sorry but I would want to speak to his parents because they have likely known! I also would want to speak with OW too.

OP call your mum for support.

Hi @sladtheinkaler - I just want to send you love and hugs. I’ve been thinking of you since I read your first post.
Theres some great advice on here. It will pass and there will be good times ahead… it’s just so hard right now. Treat yourselves and take care xx

OP - here's an article about all the many reasons that relationships that start as affairs are doomed to fail. Enjoy.

https://couplestherapyinc.com/8-predictable-issues-in-leaving-your-marriage-for-your-affair-partner/

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Life feels really bad at the moment but it will get better. It's okay to cry and get mad. I hope you have nice friends checking in on you. The UK should pass a law like American where alimony has to be paid to the wife. It seems unfair a husband can just leave like that. It doesn't seem fair on you to hope he continues to pay the rent. At some point he will stop. Is it worth considering downsizing into something affordable, even if it means the children have to share? Sending you hugs.

and he has done them a favour. Who needs to be around such a fool?*

*I take it that fool is a euphemism for cunt.