Feeling so sad about kids Christmas lists

[drivinmecrazy]

Normally our kids (not so much kids than young adults) would ask for the moon on a stick and we’d strive to produce that and a perfect Christmas.

this year, like many, has been tougher than most.

so I’ve given them a £200 budget, or there about.

they seem quite ok with that but I’m feeling really mean yet I don’t know why.

For context they are 20 & 24.

help me to feel better about this please.

we could indulge them more but luckily they’re not in need or want of big ticket items this year so it would seem a waste. If they were we’d obviously stretch for that.

one DD has her birthday just before Christmas so her birthday budget will remain unchanged obviously.

still can’t help but feeling a little bit miserly cos we could stretch things.

I guess I’m remembering their huge piles on Christmas Day when they were little but it’s so not the same 😞

Don’t need to do research i have two dc with autism. What's that to do with op's post and spoiled kids/ adults, and no i dont need to go always as this is a discussion forum and if someone/you post something dont be surprised if some one has a view about it.

@drivinmecrazy You have some lovely insight that this is a ‘you’ problem rather than a ‘them’ problem. I’d suggest you maybe seek some therapy to work through whatever this is about for you.

In your shoes, I'd be grateful that my kids still wanted to spend Christmas day with me. Why not start a new 'tradition' ... something like each person buys a maximum value gift that would be fine for any of the family. On the day, they put that wrapped gift into a large bag (a duvet cover would do!) and, at the appointed time, every family member pulls out one gift and opens it. That way, each person gets the same amount of presents and nobody feels hard done by (in reality or metaphorically). Plus, each gift giver only has to buy one present ... reduction of stress and saving money ... win-win in my books!

I don't think it is unusal for an adult to make a list of gifts they would like if someone asks. Lots of gift givers like to receive some suggestions. It doesn't mean the writer expects to receive everything on it.

Totally agree.

This thread is a mixture of responses with people either shocked at ‘the list’, or shocked at the amount of ‘tat’ presents that people don’t want. Guess what? Ask people to do a list and then you can buy them what they actually want. Or the people saying ‘stop buying tat, just do a stocking’ which they then suggest gets filled with cheap bubble bath and card games … 🙄

This thread is mad - but I think it’s the responses that are worse than the OP.

For me, £200 is a lot but I don't earn a lot. My budget is £150 each, and the kids are teens so they ask for about 10 things. I remember that at about 21 I'd started asking for useful house things, as I was renting, and I was really happy to have the things that would mean I could use my wages on going out instead. I would listen to what they say they'd like. I'm 47 and my mum always bought a lot, most of it what I'd called tat, and she still does. For my last birthday I got nothing that was really of any use, I feel bad accepting it as I know I won't use them. For my mum it was that she grew up in poverty, so she wanted us to have the things she didn't, but certainly by the time I was a teen I was more into getting one big present and not much else.

Yep, my mum still asks us for lists, and really I'm doing the same as my siblings and I ask each other on our group chat what we might like, as we have no idea what to get

As they get bigger the presents get smaller, they are adults too.

We are also a list family , but they are suggestions only , it is not an order form . Personally if I’m spending £40/50 on my BIL / SIL etc I’d rather be getting them something they’d like .

This exactly!! TBH they love the gifts but just want to move onto the breakfast and champagne 😝
it is just me missing Christmas’s past.
im often sat alone (although DD2 is often down with me) in the living room waiting for them to stir rather than them bursting in to our room asking if Santa has been.

to others who have fixated on our budget, that’s neither here nor there.
i wasn't asking for a critique of our set budget and don’t think it relevant to my posts.

to address another often raised point on this thread, our children aren’t spoilt, they appreciate they are very lucky, as do we.

but for one day a year why wouldn’t we want to spoil them, wether they are 2 or 20?

our Christmas Day is full of nice food, playing endless games and dancing in the kitchen.

It’s always been just the four of us as we really don’t have much family, so no family get together or Boxing Day meet ups. It’s just the four of us so Christmas is a time to lock the doors and spend he days together.

it just misses the magic I guess.

if I could go back to just one of the Christmases when they were small and the magic still lingered I would in a heartbeat.

that’s what makes me melancholic.

But you've just described a lovely time, a wonderful Christmas, which is not driven by expensive gifts? I think you summed it up - you will enjoy each other's company and have a lovely time - regardless of £££££ expenditure.

I actually prefer Xmas now my kids are adults. The worst I remember was being up at 6am and we had to put about 200 stickers on the Playmobil vans they had been given, I had no idea that would be involved. It was like a DiY job, absolute nightmare - and it wasn’t even light yet outside!

People fixated on the money because you did in your first post with references to things being "tough" this year and you feeling "miserly" with your £200 budget.

What you are actually now saying is something quite different and is just centred around you finding it hard that your children have grown up.

I get it & yes, it can feel sad when our children grow up & things change. We all go through it.

However, I don't think you can criticise posters for commenting on the £200 budget given the style & content of your first post.

This^^ your first post just sounded So materialist!
now it’s about the connection - entirely different!

Exactly this! The original post, including title, was completely about how much (or in her view little) OP was spending, until the very last line.

I think it should be banned xmas it causes stress and hurt in people £200 is plenty enough for adult children I get £100 each xmas that's fine for me it's just chaotic and horrible day. It gets people into debt and what about family members that can't be with their love ones at xmas. It's to stressful to expensive now I hate it

Since my dad died I took on alot of the responsible role....we've always done the lists....this year I've paid half for my mum and her partner to come to Lapland with us on a day trip, I've said I don't want or need anything for Christmas so put our Christmas money towards their half and the memories mean more.

My husband gets more off my mum than his parents, but it's just the difference in how we've always done it

Hi i feel so bad this year my husband just leaves me to it 2 do all the xmas shopping ive just said im.stressing out he said id told him im done i said yeah im done with xmas we been decorating our hallway so its not helped we had set a budget for kids im no where near it and only few weeks away ones got less than the other budget wise my daughter ud nearly 10 and im struggling what to get her as she isnt into toys much now my oldest turned 17 and everything is expensive we just put him through his theory aswell im just so stressed not even looking forward to xmas at all