Feeling so sad about kids Christmas lists

[drivinmecrazy]

Normally our kids (not so much kids than young adults) would ask for the moon on a stick and we’d strive to produce that and a perfect Christmas.

this year, like many, has been tougher than most.

so I’ve given them a £200 budget, or there about.

they seem quite ok with that but I’m feeling really mean yet I don’t know why.

For context they are 20 & 24.

help me to feel better about this please.

we could indulge them more but luckily they’re not in need or want of big ticket items this year so it would seem a waste. If they were we’d obviously stretch for that.

one DD has her birthday just before Christmas so her birthday budget will remain unchanged obviously.

still can’t help but feeling a little bit miserly cos we could stretch things.

I guess I’m remembering their huge piles on Christmas Day when they were little but it’s so not the same 😞

Op’s “children” are not 12?

Kids? What kids? Time to let go. By the time I was 24 I had a mortgage and two children.

I understand how you are feeling.
I think it's so tempting to try and recreate the Christmas day we used to have with piles of presents and excited faces and magical feelings. The trouble is that we can't recreate it, those days are past.
This year I have had to cut back massively. Everyone is getting a stocking with consumables and practical items, a couple of presents and money. It doesn't feel great or "right" but anything else is a waste of money.

Good grief, how much do you normally spend?

Let’s not do the whole present thing let’s just spend £200 on you?! Are you for real?

This is such a tasteless post!!

I think to help answer your own question and make yourself feel better its worth reflecting on what the meaning and purpose of christmas is - what are the priorities? Surely its about time with loved ones rather than spending excess money for adult children who have all they need anyway? We live in such a commercialised world cluttered with excessess.

Is this 200£ for each or that's for both? Even if for both is huge. Christmas is about family values, love, time together, not gifts. I think you're children understand that better than you.

Lucky you having £400 to spend on your children who are grown up this Xmas. Have you really not thought this post through?!

I would do anything to have another Christmas with my grandma. To hug her, kiss her, go to Christmas service, to see the light in her eyes when she was watching us around the table and while we were opening presents. She lost her mom on Christmas and although it was a sad day for her, she made a fairytale for us every year. I would give all the presents, to have that once again.

Firstly, if you spend Christmas with people you love and you have something nice to eat then that's all you need for a great time

I've told my adult kids that I don't want things for presents. I already have all the stuff I need. I want experiences - preferably involving time with them. Maybe a weekend with my daughter, a trip to the cricket with my son. I want to make memories for all of us.

Huge piles of presents that nobody needs are just performative. Try and remember what it's about

Jesus. My budget is 150 per child and I thought that was pretty decent!

The piles of presents are what I used to dread at Christmas. I’m not very good at enthusiasm for stuff I don’t want, and when I finally came clean to Mum on the subject, she got upset 🤦‍♀️.

£200 is more than I've ever been able to spend on each of my children, even when they were little. Christmas should definitely be about more than just spending lots of money.

Can’t he buy his own headphones?

If you're struggling to pay the mortgage you really shouldn't be spending £300 on gifts for your kids that are old enough to understand 😶

If money isn’t an issue, and the limit that you’ve set it making you sad, then why have you set it?

This post isn't how I expected it to be at all!!

My parents have never spent £200(!) on me at Christmas, and I've never spent anywhere close to that on ours. Where would you even put all the stuff?! My childhood Christmases were idyllic, and our children always seem thrilled and excited Christmas day too. It has always been an magical time of year.

Your adult children will be fine 😂

why spend money on tat? Just transfer the £200 into their bank accounts on Christmas morning at your normal pressie time. They would probably far rather have the wad of cash in their account, whatever the amount.

Not sure if this is helpful but I used to spoil my only daughter rotten at Christmas right through until her 20's. She finally admitted now in her 30's that all those gets just stressed her out..
Clutter etc.
Now instead of a pile of gifts I give my time baby sitting weekly/ prepping meals/ ordering some food shopping from time to time.
At Christmas its more about a small gift and having fun together as a family.
This is much more apreciated.
Year round support rather than a big Christmas glut!

There is absolutely no need. Their personal finances or yours are not the blame of each other. Your reaction is immature

Once I hit twenty, I only expected one present from my parents. And nothing over £20. I remember my Dad splashing out £100 to buy me the walking boots I wanted. My Mum used to make stockings of little practical items but very much low cost items.

£200 is a gross amount of money and totally unnecessary.

Why don't you take a ridiculous pile of presents to one of those places that distribute them to people that don't have people or presents and gift yourself some perspective as well.

I particularly dislike things for things sake. Like that stupid woman that's in the paper each year for spending 500 quid on a pile of X amount of presents for each kid, and you know it's all pound shop shit anyway, just there to make up the numbers.

Christmas doesn’t need to be all about presents. It sounds like at least one of your daughters is quite arty/ creative. Have a look at local Christmassy activities - for example last year we did Christmas table centrepiece making as a family, and beginner Lino printing Christmas cards with a friend, you also can also do Christmas wreath making or cookery type activities. Alternatively there are carol concerts and shows that could be a treat. As adults I think spending time together doing something special can create memories just as well as the childhood stack of presents and excitement over Santa.

Some mums would give their eye teeth to be able to spend that much on the whole of Christmas. Crikey, talk about first world problems. I brought my daughter up to appreciate that there's not always a lot of money to go around. What did she do? Peruse the Argos book, write down loads of stuff she liked, then told me to only get her one present, because it would still be a surprise that way. Birthday 6th Jan.... Mummy, can I have a new coat, or pair of shoes please? We can go to the sales that start after Christmas.

You don't need to spend loads of money on them

This is more than I ever got, or spent on my children at Christmas, even accounting for inflation.

Additionally their generation are a lot more mindful about ethical issues, inequality and climate change, and many of them don't actually want mountains of future landfill wrapped in unrecyclable paper.

A really great gift idea that I recently came across is buying a pig, or 4 chickens for an impoverished family in rural Africa in the recipient's name, through a charity called compassion UK.

My kids are excited about this and of course they will have a few things to open themselves too, but the gifted livestock will provide more widespread and lasting joy.