Feeling so sad about kids Christmas lists

[drivinmecrazy]

Normally our kids (not so much kids than young adults) would ask for the moon on a stick and we’d strive to produce that and a perfect Christmas.

this year, like many, has been tougher than most.

so I’ve given them a £200 budget, or there about.

they seem quite ok with that but I’m feeling really mean yet I don’t know why.

For context they are 20 & 24.

help me to feel better about this please.

we could indulge them more but luckily they’re not in need or want of big ticket items this year so it would seem a waste. If they were we’d obviously stretch for that.

one DD has her birthday just before Christmas so her birthday budget will remain unchanged obviously.

still can’t help but feeling a little bit miserly cos we could stretch things.

I guess I’m remembering their huge piles on Christmas Day when they were little but it’s so not the same 😞

To be fair i do, I have an Amazon wishlist.... But things on there are from like £5. Nothing over £15.
So if someone did have £200 to spend on me, i would get alot of presents BUT noone will spend £200 on me, because thats a huge amount of money

Maybe think of the planet and what all this tat costs in terms of environmental impact.

@drivinmecrazy

Have you heard of Amazon haul?

Look at the crazy low 🔥

Knock yerself out! 🎄🤶🎁🦌🛷

edited; to fix broken link

I kind of understand OP. It's hard to rein it in when they are at that age as you have a routine of doing it a certain way. It looks like you will be getting them 4-5 things each? Presume they buy for each other and you both too? So that adds up to a fair number of presents under the tree.

Erm nooooo what is this crazyness and why do i love it 🤣

@LifeSucksBigFatBalls 🤣

I think £200 is fine and your daughter’s list means she will definitely get nice presents . I would literally pad it out with favourite chocolate and a fun Christmas scratch card in her card and that’s it .

Myself and siblings stopped receiving Christmas gifts from parents in our late teens. Never diminished our Christmas experience at all!

I'm not sure having an Amazon wishlist is quite the same as presenting someone with a christmas list.

This is why xmas is shit now because its all about massive piles of presents.
When I was a kid in the 60s it was about family, going to church and being together. I'd be perfectly happy with an orange, some chocolate gold coins and some books or games. Occasionally it would snow I Bedfordshire. I miss those days.
And nobody would be bankrupt afterwards.

You’re sounding very materialistic. Can you not enjoy Christmas without a big budget? DT’s are now in their mid 20’s and although we don’t have to stick with a budget, we do a family secret Santa for Christmas presents - limited at £50.

It kinda is. But just not written on a piece of paper
If someone asks me what i want,
I send them my Amazon wishlish

When I was 24, I had more disposable income than my parents and was spending more on them than they were on me! They also spent significantly less on my presents than they did on my student brother as he was a student and didn’t have a job.

My mum is very unwell at the moment and as a big family we are talking back over past christmasses. No one remembers what they got at all. It’s not relevant. They remember the family being together, having a meal and playing games. They remember opening presents but the content of these isn’t really relevant. No one can really remember apart from things like every child got a Christmas chocolate stocking. These are about a pound.
We weren’t a well off family so got pretty much nothing throughout the year and would get quite a lot of presents at Christmas so you think the presents would be quite memorable but none of the grown up children/
grandchildren can remember the content of the presents.

just give them what you can afford and do something nice like go on a walk. The walk will be what they remember.

I appreciate your sadness but reframe your ideas of Christmas for your family - write a quiz, download Christmas trivia, play charades, binge Xmas movies or a series, be together and enjoy some different things - you say so yourself that they have outgrown the pile of presents.

OP, kindly, when I see posts that I think are a bit silly, I often just say nothing at all…

• You feel bad about your kids Gift for Xmas.
• Kids in question are adults in their 20s.
• Gifts in question are £200 each.
• If you wanted you could give more. So have the option.

Give them more then if that’s what you want.
I really don’t understand what you’re feeling bad about or what your seeking with the post.

I mean, many people on Mumsnet will not have £200 to do the whole of Xmas with a family of small kids and not have the option to increase the budget.

Your scenario is very OK.

Get A Grip

And maybe also a few hobbies for yourself

They’ve even asked me not to buy the usual tat I tend to buy

The only thing you should feel bad about is that you've been buying unwanted tat for them. Shift your focus to them and what they truly need/want, and away from your need to buy and provide big hoards of crap.

Wow, how much would you normally spend OP? My DC are only slightly older than yours (and one has a December birthday) and we spend around £100 on them. They don't expect more and they are both earning. To me Christmas isn't about shelling out as much as possible on presents and it's costly enough.

Happiness doesn't come from things. It comes from doing things that give you fulfillment, and being with people you love. Christmas should be about that, not expensive presents. Setting a low limit on Xmas present costs is a great idea, regardless of how much money one has, IMHO.

In my family we've more or less stopped giving Christmas presents, partly because nobody really wants anything much, partly because we live in a world where people don't wait until Christmas to get the things they want.

I suspect some posters are missing the actual point. The op is sad that time has moved on and is finding it hard to let go of the lovely times when her adult children were kids. She has already admitted it’s her issue. And it’s a bittersweet thing for many of us, letting go of our kids childhoods and embracing them as adults. It’s not really about the £200 per child or the content of the gifts. I see you op, it’s a mixed time for us mothers 🤗

Sounds like you need to embrace some new traditions to celebrate your new adults- only Christmas. Maybe you and DD1 have a pre-breakfast snack together or play a game or eat all the tree chocolates or go for an early morning walk. Honestly, I love a quiet early morning chat with my mum, just snuggled in blankets on the sofa with a cup of tea.

To be honest I don’t think buying someone a load of Amazon stuff equals a great Christmas, especially not for people the same age as yours.

I’m in my 20s and the things on my Christmas list are not the same as when I was a child or when I was a teenager. I work, so can afford to buy the stuff teenage me wanted, myself. Therefore the novelty of opening a bunch of things has truly worn off. I buy myself fun things, beauty products, clothes etc on a regular day - I don’t crave that from my parents. I don’t need to wait for Christmas before buying things either, I just get what I need whenever I want.

I think you’re just out of touch with what people my age (20s) want. Zero part of me wants my parents to give me tons of presents. I’d much rather them give one thoughtful gift that isn’t something I would normally buy myself vs loads of little bits that I have nowhere to store it all. That sort of Christmas doesn’t feel like “levelling up” like it might do to people who are still at school.

20 and 24??? I'm sorry but they are fully grown adults and should just be getting a token gift from you rather than Santa's full sleigh.

Op the problem with your question is you’re not going to get many helpful answers
Firstly a lot of people are apparently too cool for gifts and think anyone who cares about Christmas gifts Is materialistic and not thinking of the planet. god forbid your kids write a list and aren’t crying with joy over a single satsuma on Christmas morning

Secondly, even the people who do care about Christmas and understand your love for piles of gifts will have a hard time feeling sorry for dc when they’re in their 20s and getting £200 spent on them (at least, let’s be realistic you’ll probably not keep to the budget) and it sounds like that budget is your choice and not something you have to do. There’s loads of people who won’t see their own Christmas as ‘miserly’ as you say, but who could only dream of having that budget. So it does feel a little tone deaf.

could you buy yourself some things and stick them under the tree. Could you as a pp suggested, donate to charity so you can still shop and at least when you see the lack of piles Christmas morning you can know other kids are waking up to something, when they may not have been. It might be a positive spin when you see the ‘emptiness’ of your own tree
you could add a different element of fun to the gifts like do secret Santa or white elephant
or you could shift the whole routine so it’s completely different and not at all about coming downstairs in the morning for gifts. Like can you do the few gifts in bed with cups of tea.
or since the issue is the dc are grown, can you make effort to do things over Christmas that you couldn’t have done when dc were little enough to have piles of gifts. Any days out together, or ways to spend the day together that wouldn’t have worked before?

ultimately you know this is about you and accepting your kids are grown and things look a little different now, that is sad and I get that but it absolutely isn’t a miserly Christmas.