Feeling so sad about kids Christmas lists

[drivinmecrazy]

Normally our kids (not so much kids than young adults) would ask for the moon on a stick and we’d strive to produce that and a perfect Christmas.

this year, like many, has been tougher than most.

so I’ve given them a £200 budget, or there about.

they seem quite ok with that but I’m feeling really mean yet I don’t know why.

For context they are 20 & 24.

help me to feel better about this please.

we could indulge them more but luckily they’re not in need or want of big ticket items this year so it would seem a waste. If they were we’d obviously stretch for that.

one DD has her birthday just before Christmas so her birthday budget will remain unchanged obviously.

still can’t help but feeling a little bit miserly cos we could stretch things.

I guess I’m remembering their huge piles on Christmas Day when they were little but it’s so not the same 😞

They have told you you buy tat so ask them what they want and don’t top up with tat!

At 24 I spent Christmas with my partner (now husband) in our house. My parents were on holiday abroad I think.

Utterly bizarre concept to me to be expecting offspring of that age opening piles of presents at home on Xmas morning, like 6 year olds.

I can’t get my head round this either? 🙄

What a stupid post
They're adults for gods sake.

the kids won’t particularly care because our Christmas Day will be the same. But for me as a parent it’s sad not to see them come down to a huge pile of presents.

But to be fair OP, that too was always more about you than them wasn't it?

When they're comparing Christmas presents at school in January it's only the big gift that gets talked about. They don't start on about all the other bits, and that's if they even remember them.

I am sad that your Christmas is all about materialism.We do not have lavish presents,including 15 year old Dgrandson.Why don't you say you are just giving token gifts and the rest to something like Crisis at Christmas.This makes Christmas meaningful,especially if you are not religious.I would hope that your grown up children would welcome this,rather than piles of tat.

We’re just doing small token presents for close family this year.. about £25 per person. May spend a little extra on the kids (4-11 year olds) but it can become so materialistic otherwise...

So why are you stressing when they've told you not to buy so much? 200 quid is loads, and sounds like they've got their heads screwed on right and will be more than happy with that and what they get!

Mine will all be happy with £100 in card and a gift to open. They have nobody else to buy for them but this year has been a struggle and with prices increasing I think next year will be worse. I need to save from January for Christmas 😟

I think you’re right in deducing this is not about your budget but about your children growing up. I’m in my 30s and can still remember the first year I got just small presents and a bit of a cash as a young adult. The childhood “magic” of Christmas seemed less but we were able to do more adult things (eg Christmas shows, meals, attractions) as a family of adults for a while and we did get into a lovely new rhythm as a family for those years. Now me and my siblings have our own children and it’s very much a children’s holiday again!

Obviously different for my parents as they are now the grandparents but they are back to all out decorations in the house, buying toys, helping to make it all magical. I dread the day my own child is not very fussed about the Christmas toys but obviously it’s a phase of life.

Are you crazy? I could only dream of being given a budget of £200 for Christmas presents. I usually love whatever I get, it is the thought that counts but I doubt if anyone has ever spent that amount on me even for a joint Christmas/birthday present or a big birthday and my family aren't especially poor. My birthday was yesterday my Mum put £50 in my bank account and said she has a few small bits for me to open when I go down next weekend.

My AC like to be given money, unless there is something that they tell me they particularly want.

They are no longer little kids. They can make their own way in life, so £200 is a good budget.

Get a grip, some people can't afford Christmas Dinner let alone presents...

I get it OP. The stress of getting the magic together has gone and it’s easier but feels a bit empty. I find transitions in motherhood hard too.

Since my two girls hit their teens, and they are early 20s now, I have tried to spend no more than £100 on each of them. The mantra is, something to wear, something to read, something you want, and something you need! (With a couple of little extra bits thrown in!) They really appreciate it and it has worked well for us.

I honestly think your kids will be grateful that you've made the shift and its still a very generous budget!

My mum still insists on piles of presents even though we are a decade older than your kids, and to be honest most of it is junk. I have delicately asked a few times if I could please just have one or two more expensive items I actually want than loads and loads of bits and pieces ,but apparently she likes to see us open our gifts. Now I've realised it's just her doing what she wants rather than thinking about us as the recipients, Ive stopped feeling guilty about binning/donating most of it in January.

Behave 😂

In my 60 plus Christmases, yes really ! I can't think of one single gift that pleased me. Come to that, I can't even think of one single gift, as they must have been so forgettable !

Can I be your child please? I can't believe anyone would feel the need to spend so much money on their adult children when charities are begging for donations. The kids won't love you any the less if you don't over indulge them.

I totally get this. My daughter is 19, and I love to spoil her and I love Christmas. It’s not how it used to be. What I tend to do is get her to write a list, then she writes a big list of stuff that she would love, like a wish list. So I get her a few bits off that, she won’t which ones and all her want list (which has a budget). I also do a stocking. I also get her things I know she needs like pens/pencils for her art course and new different paints/pastels and different paper.
In her stocking I get sweets, chocolate, new fluffy socks, and other things like really nice lip balm/lip mask, something like a little hug polar bear from Lisa Angel, nice lip tint, new bookmark, portable charger, cable organiser, a couple of gift cards for places I know she likes and a travel jewellery case. Not tat, things she can use.
I also do a Christmas Eve box, which is always new pjs, Christmas socks, chocolate and a book or dvd.

I don’t really care what others think of what I do, I don’t care what they do either. I get criticism, but I honestly don’t care anymore.

My DC have a budget of £100.00 each and DP and I have a budget of £50.00 to spend on each other. Due to inflation we will be getting less for our money this year. £200.00 per grown adult is very generous.

This - £200 per child is a good amount and many people can't afford to spend that much.

WTF? They are adults! This is ridiculous.

But you haven't shed light on the question - @Stormyday34 asked why buy a jellycat for an adult - and you have answered in explanation that they are popular with Tweens - 'Tweens' not 20 year olds.

OP they 'transitioned into adulthood' 2-6 years ago, not now! You really do sound like my DM - this kind of stifling is one of the reasons I moved away from my hometown many years ago and only visit twice a year.

OP, I get the present pile thing but better to get then what they actually want. If you want to top up make it edible or useful - chocolates, booze, maybe new PJs and dressing gown