Feeling so sad about kids Christmas lists

[drivinmecrazy]

Normally our kids (not so much kids than young adults) would ask for the moon on a stick and we’d strive to produce that and a perfect Christmas.

this year, like many, has been tougher than most.

so I’ve given them a £200 budget, or there about.

they seem quite ok with that but I’m feeling really mean yet I don’t know why.

For context they are 20 & 24.

help me to feel better about this please.

we could indulge them more but luckily they’re not in need or want of big ticket items this year so it would seem a waste. If they were we’d obviously stretch for that.

one DD has her birthday just before Christmas so her birthday budget will remain unchanged obviously.

still can’t help but feeling a little bit miserly cos we could stretch things.

I guess I’m remembering their huge piles on Christmas Day when they were little but it’s so not the same 😞

I'm 46 and I get asked for a Christmas list from my Mum and Husband 🤷🏼‍♀️

A few months ago, my daughter messaged J after her grandmother (my mum) mentioned that her savings account was very low and that she wouldn’t be able to give J money once it ran out. My daughter reached out to express concern about this and some other related matters.
J then went to grandmother about the message, which unfortunately caused a rift between my granddaughter and grandmother. Seeing how upset granddaughter was about this, I confronted J directly. In response, J said that she needs financial help.
My concern is — where does this stop? When mum tells me she’s worried about her money running out, I can’t stand by and do nothing. Mum’s finances are shared with Dad, who has dementia, and I feel it’s my responsibility to speak up for him too.
I will continue to act when I see someone being taken advantage of, regardless of how others react. My priority is to protect my parents’ wellbeing and ensure they are not left vulnerable

However, I received a frosty shoulder from family members recently, am I wrong to have confronted her?.

They are adults and it should be you with a Christmas list of things are tough

Also insane.

It's not insane, they're going to buy things so we buy things that we'd not go out and buy day to day ourselves as generally monthly money goes on new clothes as the kids have grown etc....we all save monthly for Christmas so no one gets into debt for Christmas and we get things we'd like.
You do your Christmas your way, others do it there's neither way is wrong

Nope, it's definitely insane.

I feel quite smug about Xmas this year in fact as it will cost me almost zero money. A business customer gave me a bottle of wine and I won a £50 Asda rewards voucher! Me and ds are giving each other £50 which comes to nil balance. The only thing costing me any cash is 8 Xmas cards and a card for ds all bought in our excellent local discount card shop. Plus a handful of stamps.

So Xmas will cost me a tenner or less this year!

I really do feel we should all work in a soup kitchen hospice hospital or children's home during the festive season instead though unless we have young children.
We need to remember and help the less fortunate.
If I still had a car I would consider it.

£200 is a lot! My parents have a strict £100 budget for the three of us. They aren’t particularly hard up but we’re all adults now and they’ll help us throughout the year if we need something urgently (e.g. our fridge breaks and we need a new one they’ll chip in to help). I know things are expensive these days but honestly if you’ve brought them up right they’ll be more than grateful for the £200 budget. We are always immensely grateful for the effort my parents put in. I’d focus on a nice Christmas dinner and get some little gifts. I secretly love those surprise gifts that my mum will buy like some posh shower gel or a nice fluffy pair of gloves. Home bargains and B&M are great for sweet little gifts like this. Decorate the house as usual and honestly I think it will be a lovely Christmas.

I might be bias as I worked in schools for a few years and one was in a relatively deprived area. One little boy put “bedding” on his Christmas list to Santa and it broke me. They had heavy SS involvement and his bed was a mattress on the floor with a duvet, no sheets or anything. He was only 8. My parents always raised me to be immensely grateful for what we have and that really hammered it home

I feel like there must be more to this. Grieving the absence of a pile of ‘tat’ that your adult children will end up sending to landfill is bonkers. But if you’re sad because you’re facing the fact that your kids are grown now, and don’t need you in the same way, I can sympathise. Why not buy some lovely toys and donate them to your local family centre or food bank, that’s sure to perk you up and get you feeling festive.

My kids are grown up but tbh they have never asked for loads. I understand the wish to celebrate and buy gifts but seeing the endless consumption and then huge piles of meaningless presents on people’s social media makes me feel a bit sick if I am
honest.

I think you’ve posted on the wrong thread @Supportanperspective you need to start your own

Get them and your husband to each make a list of £200 worth of presents to donate in their nanes to their nearest babybank, food bank, women's refuge, play group or whatever family charity they prefer. Add your own donation in your name. Some children who are of an age to get toys will be happy. The various grown adults in your family will feel useful. Happy Christmas.

I have no words.

This is such a first world problem. You need to give your head a wobble @drivinmecrazy

I understand that some people go over board with "tat", but there is something a bit sad about opening just one small (albeit probably expensive) present on xmas morning.

Once we were teens, my mum gave us £20 each (that's showing my age, that £20 was a substantial amount of money!) to fill stockings for each other. And then as we became young adults we kept the tradition, and at some point my mum stopped giving us the £20. I still love a little goody bag of comfy socks and bath bits and lip balms etc (I'd really love some bath pearls from the body shop - that nails down my age 🤣)

I actually think £200 is very generous! They’re hugely lucky - please don’t feel bad about it!!

I agree you do Christmas your own way - but this is easier said than done - when you’re part of a family doing it your own way often doesn’t go down too well.
Even with friends - I stopped doing cards, bloody hell the snide comments went on for years, until it became the norm.

Yeah, I get that, but I'm not really a people pleaser. It's so much less stress though.

Goodness I thought from the title it would be young kids or early teens wanting things their friends have. They are adults. I get £50 in an envelope and a tub of roses from my parents and have done since the day I turned 18 and that’s plenty

Is this real?

My budget has always been around £150 for each of my kids. I only get well thought out items I know they will love. I do the something they want, something to read, something to wear and something they need. I always manage a pile of presents and fill a stocking.

For me it's not about the money but not reinforcing overconsumption and the needing of lots of material things to be content.

Christmas is about time together and connection.

Why don't only spend £100 and spend the rest on an event or activity?

They still write their Santa lists?

I don't get all this having to spend huge amounts of money to keep kids happy.

£200 each is very generous, you can only spend what you can afford.

My DD is 18, from when she was a baby I've never gone mad at Christmas, I spend £100 probably, it's one day all be it a lovely day, but still one day!

This is exactly why i don't look forward to christmas , its total madness ? Spend spend spend ? Why ?chill out enjoy time together and reduce stress. They dont need £200 spent on them its a commercialised holiday gone mad

Christmas is a christian celebration -remember its origin as its all tinsel, mad dash shopping, buying crap no one really wants and needs !? Find a charity give generously and enjoy being together , we do a secret santa now and its just fun , my "kids" 26,22 and 19
lets face it if they really want anything they getvit for themselves anyway

Oh Dear, not!

Yes when they were teenagers and I don’t remember them being as expensive as now

once they are adults I think it is unnecessary

No, you’re absolutely not wrong. J needs to cultivate some empathy and personal responsibility.