Feeling so sad about kids Christmas lists

[drivinmecrazy]

Normally our kids (not so much kids than young adults) would ask for the moon on a stick and we’d strive to produce that and a perfect Christmas.

this year, like many, has been tougher than most.

so I’ve given them a £200 budget, or there about.

they seem quite ok with that but I’m feeling really mean yet I don’t know why.

For context they are 20 & 24.

help me to feel better about this please.

we could indulge them more but luckily they’re not in need or want of big ticket items this year so it would seem a waste. If they were we’d obviously stretch for that.

one DD has her birthday just before Christmas so her birthday budget will remain unchanged obviously.

still can’t help but feeling a little bit miserly cos we could stretch things.

I guess I’m remembering their huge piles on Christmas Day when they were little but it’s so not the same 😞

We have 2 adult children at home 23 and 28 yrs. we only buy what they need and will use and have set a budget for 100 -200 each. It sounds mean but they both work and live here not paying board so that they can save towards their first homes.(lol).
I am exactly the same as you in that I have bought stuff for the sake of it in years past. Novelty gifts are a waste of time I’ve learnt and buying them my choice of clothes is a no no too! I always fill stockings with toiletries that they use and give them perfume / aftershave as part of their main gift. Enjoy your Christmas x

I've never gotten £200 spent on me, even as a child. I'm lucky now as an adult to get £20 spent on me.

I don't do Christmas lists with my young kids. They ask for a special gift from Santa and then I buy them things they'd like but I don't have budgets. Nor do I go nuts.

I'd be over the moon to receive £200 worth of presents, I'd also feel guilty at the waste of money on over consumerism

You also need to set 100£ or so aside OP to buy for your kid’s boyfriend/girlfriends @drivinmecrazy

I tend to spend less on my dc now that they’ve got spouses or dc. I’m not made of money and one dd has more disposable income than we do

@Supportanperspective

You need to start your own thread about your issue, your post will get lost in this one.

I think I understand where you’re coming from @drivinmecrazy. DH and I didn’t have much money when our children were small but we spent what we could and it’s way easier to buy little ones smaller, cheaper presents.
Our two are in their twenties now and still at home. We both lost our parents (and his grandparents) and received inheritances, so last year I went a bit ‘all out’ because we’d never had money before and I felt it kind of compensated for us losing family members etc. I spent a lot of time researching things that I thought the kids would like but they’re probably still sat in a bag, or ‘lost’ in their rooms.
So this year, I’ve told them the budget will be way lower because there’s no point in me buying things that they won’t use.
DD never really asked for anything. She never has and DS has only asked for the latest FIFA game! But I feel guilty too that they won’t have many presents to open. It’s hard. I get it!

Your kids have asked you not to buy the tat.
I have one DS aged 16 and we lost babies so don’t have that big family I always wanted.

so I want him to have presents. We don’t have a big £200 budget. So I make the pile bigger by adding just stuff that he will use. Like deodorant, shower gel, socks and pants.

I feel for the OP. I stopped doing the little presents a few years ago now and give them a budget for one substantial item, though they have asked for cash once or twice for a specific things and I am ok with that. Still have to fight the urge though not to buy the little bits and pieces. They all live in small flats and I know it wouldn't be appreciated, so I don't. Mine are 33 down to 18, only one at home. One of my older DS's does say he misses the socks actually, now he has to buy them himself!

It's just something about the passing of time and recognising that Christmas is different these days. I don't know why OP is getting such a hard time, it's a perfectly natural to feel nostalgic for Christmases of the past. The fact the overall standard of living is different from when I was a child in the 60's means that many people (though obviously not all) don't have to wait to see what Santa brings - they mostly get what they need throughout the year.

Times are different. It takes some us a little bit longer to catch up!

"It sounds mean"? Are you serious?

I think spending up to £200 on kids in their twenties plus the stocking stuff you mention is the very opposite of mean.
I think some of us are losing our sense of perspective here...

This. Big transition this year. Our youngest is moving into his own home and we’ll be buying him a washing machine 😁. He’s thrilled!

Why do you think it’s sounds mean? It really isn’t at all.

One day, your kids will have partners and maybe spending Xmas elsewhere

One day, they might produce kids of their own, and everyone will concentrate on them. As is right..

just enjoy the day, as a family, and forget all the tat.

Hi Cloudtreecarpet,
I might not spend £100! £200 was a high figure I know. Having been brought up in a low income household a many other people, we would be asked to pick something out of my mums catalogue as children. I always appreciated every gift the value was irrelevant. As. Mum I am fortunate to have a good job and also am aware of the environment and the amount of unwanted ‘stuff’ that can easily accumulate. Now my children are adults and working I only buy (or contribute with them )-a gift.

The transition from buying children gifts, to then buying for adults makes me miss their excitement and anticipation on seeing several parcels to unwrap . It’s a mum thing :)

19 yr old doing a Christmas list 🤣🤣🤣 (if she gets married) I feel sorry for the poor sod who ends up with the spoilt princess you've raised.

My 3 kids know they have a budget of £200 each for Xmas, for them to choose what they’d like, I then spend approx a further £50 on each buying surprise/ silly stocking fillers etc. but I’d rather know what they’d want in advance! For context they are 16, 12 and 4 (the 4yr old is all surprises, I don’t expect her to give me a concise Xmas list!)

Well she has Autism and ADHD, plus several mobility issues, so your comments aren’t so funny now are they. I would let her do a list even if she wasn’t. I would want her to meet someone who could give her the world, if they couldn’t, then they could jog on!

Well sounds like your raising a woman who will always be disappointed as no one can give someone "the world".

It sounds like you are an a*hole. I just told you my daughter has special needs, is there something wrong with you?! No, I am raising someone who won’t settle, because no one should settle. I don’t even know if she will live independently, but if she could, I would want her to marry someone who had decent prospects. My Dad owned a successful business and my stepfather was a stockbroker, my Mother never settled.

It sounds like you are an a*hole. I just told you my daughter has special needs, is there something wrong with you?! No, I am raising someone who won’t settle, because no one should settle. I don’t even know if she will live independently, but if she could, I would want her to marry someone who had decent prospects. My Dad owned a successful business and my stepfather was a stockbroker, my Mother never settled.

Didn'tyou say...."I don’t really care what others think of what I do, I don’t care what they do either. I get criticism, but I honestly don’t care anymore". I think you do. 🤣

Wow, why on earth are you even on here?! If you can’t say something constructive or kind, why don’t you go find something else to do with your time. Your obviously just want to start arguments with people, which is pretty pathetic. No I don’t care, but to carry on spewing nonsense, knowing someone has told you they have a special needs child, it’s just the most vile disgusting ableist comment.
Go do some research about Autism before bothering to waste your precious time and answer me. You seem to me like the most tacky, ignorant person, who probably can’t even spend a decent amount on their children. Go find a chat that will shrink to your level!

Don’t need to do research i have two dc with autism. What's that to do with op's post and spoiled kids/ adults, and no i dont need to go always as this is a discussion forum and if someone/you post something dont be surprised if some one has a view about it.

I know what PJs are, but no idea what those other things are!

If it makes you feel better my Mum feels the same way. My birthday is around Christmas so I have a total budget of £100 for both, it’s plenty and she can afford more too but I don’t want her too, in fact don’t ready want her to spend any money on me as she’s spent a lot of time in debt over the years to give me the best life she could, so I’d much rather she spends it on herself as my Christmas present, but, she insists, quite often she gives me the money and I buy after Christmas.

I also have to tell her to stop spending on her GD who doesn’t need a load of toys half of which she will never play with.

I think it’s the concept of a list that some people find jarring as it suggests more than one thing. If a parent asks an adult child what they want for Christmas, id say one thing and that wouldn’t constitute a list. A list I think suggests a few things. I suppose it depends on your relationship with parents. For my last birthday I got £30 in a card from my mum and I’ll get the same at Christmas. I’ll probably spend triple that on her. She could spend more and she could a really get me a present but doesn’t. So if I ever did get asked as an adult and said to my mum I’d like x she wouldn’t get it.

some of us are the adult in the relationship with our parents and are probably therefore hyper independent and talk of a list feels so infantilising!

we all project our own life experiences don’t we.