Feeling so sad about kids Christmas lists

[drivinmecrazy]

Normally our kids (not so much kids than young adults) would ask for the moon on a stick and we’d strive to produce that and a perfect Christmas.

this year, like many, has been tougher than most.

so I’ve given them a £200 budget, or there about.

they seem quite ok with that but I’m feeling really mean yet I don’t know why.

For context they are 20 & 24.

help me to feel better about this please.

we could indulge them more but luckily they’re not in need or want of big ticket items this year so it would seem a waste. If they were we’d obviously stretch for that.

one DD has her birthday just before Christmas so her birthday budget will remain unchanged obviously.

still can’t help but feeling a little bit miserly cos we could stretch things.

I guess I’m remembering their huge piles on Christmas Day when they were little but it’s so not the same 😞

They're adults, stop treating them like they're 7.

He's self employed so doesn't earn a lot and earns nothing in between gigs. I asked what he wanted for Christmas.You could apply the " can't they buy their own?" to any gift for any adult child.

It's not about the presents OP, your kids are old enough to understand that (and so are you).

The moon on a stick? I don’t think my parents ever thought about Christmas this way. I have never in my life had anything costing more than £50 from my parents at Christmas and these days it’s no more than £20. Im in my 40s. They just don’t see it as that important but they show their love in other ways. £200 per person is loads and maybe we need to start thinking what Christmas is really all about, etc etc…

I’m finding the materialistic message so sad. Parents feeling they have to show their love through expensive gifts.
You can have a wonderful Xmas with nice smaller gifts and surely with adult children, they’d appreciate gifting as much as receiving? Id feel awful if I was still receiving much more than I gave in my twenties - it’s infantilising

Well then change your mind, since you say you can stretch, you decided it and you are sad about it.

But it's not like they believe in Father Christmas or anything ...

Why not have a family gift exchange where each person buys a gift for each of the others? We've done this for many years on Christmas Eve, and I buy something small to keep up the Santa fun on Christmas morning (one item each).

£200! They are adults , i spend around £30 each on the adults in my family including my adult daughter who now has her own newborn daughter
I spend less than £200 on my 10 year old because i just dont have lots of spare cash and everythings so bloody expensive
Its hard enough keeping ontop of the constant food price rises and bill price rises . Christmas is only 1.day

Yes, you could, but headphones and a pair of £70 pants for an adult?

@drivinmecrazy TBH I’m a bit confused by your post… if you want to and can afford to then just buy them what you want. A pile of presents is fine if you can afford to. Doesn’t have to be tat. If it’s just for the sake of buying and you buy them things they don’t want or need then yes I would refrain. But otherwise do what makes you happy. Just because they are adults doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate it

I think in your head you have equated Christmas with the commercial side of it (buying gifts) and maybe it would help you to reframe what this is really about and what's really important to you. I guarantee it's not actually the gifts.

Maybe it's missing the Christmas joy and delights seeing your DD open their presents?

Maybe it's reality you're all getting older?

Maybe it's fear of things changing?

Maybe it's about being potentially less important in your DD lives?

Painful thoughts and feelings perhaps.

What about reducing the amount spent, but maybe booking a weekend away or night away altogether?
If you like the thrill of big/lots presents wrap up big boxes with smaller boxes inside and fun things like that!

Do the people who have never spent £200? Never buy their children a phone or a games console/laptop or even a good bike as a teenager?
Or do people not class things like that as Christmas gifts?

£200 is a perfectly reasonable budget.

There’s people on this forum that can’t afford to stretch to a takeaway treat now and again.
im sure your 200 pound each budget will suffice.

Christmas expectations should naturally shift as they grow older. If you don’t start things you don’t have them to stop. Ours are much the same age. We have put them both through university etc and they are in their first jobs. We never did piles of presents or lists just a letter to Santa with one thing and a spare!. They will get five gifts under the tree (pjs, slippers, couple of bits we know they will love). Also a stocking. There will be a new game, jigsaw, treats to share, walks etc. They are organising a night out at the cinema and a meal for us all. Having fun together is the best bit.

£200 apiece? That's not stingy. Please give yourself a break. Maybe it's more about missing them as little kids and the excitement of Christmas then? 🩷

@ThePoliteLion

OP’s child is a LOT older than your child…

You cannot be serious . Doesn't land like a real.post. Sounds like piss take to me. Why do you waste your ime.

Please go away and don't come back!

They have told her they don’t want the tat.

Sure… then don’t buy the tat. Buy things that the kids find useful. If that brings the OP joy why not? TBH nowadays it’s not hard to spend money on things they would find useful.

Just thinking out loud... But what if you created a new Christmas tradition in keeping with their age that would still keep that element of surprise in their faces, like gift them a day out as a family like to the traitors experience day or an escape room booked for a day close to Christmas, or buy them popcorn making kits and cook it up together in the evening to watch a movie... I'm not really sure what to do, just the idea to find something so you can look forward to surprising them with still, rather than they choose everything themselves... and maybe a new tradition would help the nostalgia? And get a dog! They get excited and like to be spoilt! Half joking here 😉 Good luck 🍀

£200 is loads. You don't know you are born! I can only give £50 to 20 yr old ds this year.

I used to give £100 but no can do.

My kids are 3&8 and I give them money to buy each other something, something for their Dad and Nan and Grandad.....even at an early stage if feel it's important for them to give not just receive

A few months ago, my daughter messaged J after her grandmother (my mum) mentioned that her savings account was very low and that she wouldn’t be able to give J money once it ran out. My daughter reached out to express concern about this and some other related matters.
J then went to grandmother about the message, which unfortunately caused a rift between my granddaughter and grandmother. Seeing how upset granddaughter was about this, I confronted J directly. In response, J said that she needs financial help.
My concern is — where does this stop? When mum tells me she’s worried about her money running out, I can’t stand by and do nothing. Mum’s finances are shared with Dad, who has dementia, and I feel it’s my responsibility to speak up for him too.
I will continue to act when I see someone being taken advantage of, regardless of how others react. My priority is to protect my parents’ wellbeing and ensure they are not left vulnerable.

However, I got the cold shoulder by family members yesterday. Am I wrong to have confronted her about this?