Feeling so sad about kids Christmas lists

[drivinmecrazy]

Normally our kids (not so much kids than young adults) would ask for the moon on a stick and we’d strive to produce that and a perfect Christmas.

this year, like many, has been tougher than most.

so I’ve given them a £200 budget, or there about.

they seem quite ok with that but I’m feeling really mean yet I don’t know why.

For context they are 20 & 24.

help me to feel better about this please.

we could indulge them more but luckily they’re not in need or want of big ticket items this year so it would seem a waste. If they were we’d obviously stretch for that.

one DD has her birthday just before Christmas so her birthday budget will remain unchanged obviously.

still can’t help but feeling a little bit miserly cos we could stretch things.

I guess I’m remembering their huge piles on Christmas Day when they were little but it’s so not the same 😞

You’re stressing about that when they are 20 and 24? You are being ridiculous

I know I am. It’s more about me than them.
I know we’re extremely fortunate and one of the drivers about setting a limit is that I’m awful about buying them crap so they still have a huge pile. They’ve even asked me not to but the usual tat I tend to buy.

Is this reverse boasting?

Not at all.
whu would you assume that?

Im just saying that Christmas looks different for us this year and I feel bad.

the kids won’t particularly care because our Christmas Day will be the same. But for me as a parent it’s sad not to see them come down to a huge pile of presents.

they’ll likely get six or seven gifts because I’m going to resist the urge to spend more £££ to make the pile bigger.

im sure that I’m going to miss that more than they will. I guess it’s their transition into adulthood that I have to let go of.

that’s all

Young adults (and adults in general) don't want or need lots of Christmas tat. £200 is plenty for a nice fragrance, some favourite chocs/sweets, a book and some fancy coffee.

ETA Our family is all about Christmas dinner followed by games and festive silliness. Kids are all teens now and don't want piles of gifts.

Ours too!!
every year we buy a new game and tuck into the previous twenty years worth.

We shut the doors and isolate ourselves for 24 hours and it’s pure bliss.

we have plenty of traditions but I think this has been the first year when we’ve decided not to do the whole present thing, which to be honest was more me than them.

still sad about it though

24 isn’t a kid in my mind, DS was married at 23!

I think the pile of presents thing stops when they’re mid teens and it’s all about a big ticket item like a PlayStation, and a few books etc.

Ask them each to choose something special to do as a family on Christmas Day. Maybe there's a particular walk they'd like to go on, a particular board game they'd like to play? You could all sit down and watch slideshows of when they were little, or have your own family baking competition. They're big enough to earn their own money to buy whatever they want. Twitch Christmas so it's more about presence than presents now.

They will do just fine....

I think you need a hobby OP

Also, my mum STILL does the whole 'pile of presents' thing and we're in our 30s and 40s!! To be honest it's just stressful having to get through them all before we need to get back to reality again!

You’re asking for us to make you feel better about this, but you’ve answered your own question in the follow up comment. You say your Christmas will be the same but without a big pile of presents - doesn’t that show that the presents are the least important part of the day for you all? You’ll have a wonderful time just being a family together, it sounds perfect to me!
But £200 also is a nice budget to get a bundle of presents that they really want. Ditch the idea of loads of silly things just to create a big pile. They’ve told you they don’t want it, it’s bad for the environment and a waste of money.
You need to flick the switch in your mind from associating volume as best. Quality over quantity every time!

They’re adults. They don’t want piles of crap. You’re being weird about this.

I gifted four young adults last Christmas. There were exactly 4 gifts under the tree. And they were small boxes…but expensive. My DD called it a present desert but all were happy with the gifts and I was very happy to not spend the month of December shopping. They simply don’t need gadgets or kitchen items or bath products or soft furnishings for their homes or clothes or books or anything really and they don’t want silly sweaters or fluffy socks or candy or coffee. There is no sense seeking the “pile of presents” because it would just be stuff.

😜 I think this is me. It’s more about me than them!

might not have sounded like it, but we do lovely things in throughout the day and have a wonderful Christmas.

I guess it’s more me letting go of them being tiny when presents were a big part of the day.

also hate having to wake DH and DD1 up because DD2 and i have been sitting on our hands singing carols from 6am

You could maybe donate the money to a children’s charity who do gifts over Christmas or spend the equivalent money on shoebox appeals and have the same warm feeling that other people’s children are waking up to gifts where they might not have otherwise.

Alternatively you could put the money towards a weekend away as a family or into a ‘social’ account for you to do things over the year together as a family. Your adult children don’t want the gifts anymore so either way you’d have to stop.

Haven’t you shifted to everyone in the family all buying a little something for each other as you’re all adults? It sounds like you’re hanging onto the “piles of presents” thing way past the time they should have been phased out.

I thought you were talking about kids at primary school

Exactly this. It’s my issue not theirs

£200 is loads of money

£200 is more than enough. Wtf?

They're adults, one or two gifts is plenty.

My mum used to do this. I fully appreciate it was driven by kindness on her part, but it felt too overwhelming and also made me feel awful for just getting her 2 or 3 things. I went for quality over quantity whereas she would wrap up all sorts. I know this might sound ungrateful to some folk, especially if you've lost your mum, but it's not as great as it might sound.

£200 is not so much excessive. It’s literally a pair of nice pjs, a Pandora charm, a Lego plant and a jelly cat (DD2 Christmas list)
Ive yet to get DD1 list but it’ll likely be paint brushes, a puzzle, perfume and a couple of bits from Lakeland.
but I miss getting them the little fun bits which I’m going to hold back on this year.

but I miss buying them fun things I guess.

as I said previously, it’s more about Christmas past that I miss but just can’t justify anymore

though I’m sure I’ll still end up in a cycle of Amazon parcels being thrust at me with no idea what I have ordered.

all for my benefit rather than theirs.

my point is probably that I’m not ready to let go of those christmases past but I really do need to because it’s become redundant.

Your adult children write christmas lists?