Feeling so sad about kids Christmas lists

[drivinmecrazy]

Normally our kids (not so much kids than young adults) would ask for the moon on a stick and we’d strive to produce that and a perfect Christmas.

this year, like many, has been tougher than most.

so I’ve given them a £200 budget, or there about.

they seem quite ok with that but I’m feeling really mean yet I don’t know why.

For context they are 20 & 24.

help me to feel better about this please.

we could indulge them more but luckily they’re not in need or want of big ticket items this year so it would seem a waste. If they were we’d obviously stretch for that.

one DD has her birthday just before Christmas so her birthday budget will remain unchanged obviously.

still can’t help but feeling a little bit miserly cos we could stretch things.

I guess I’m remembering their huge piles on Christmas Day when they were little but it’s so not the same 😞

It will be a lovely Christmas and even better for less tat! Enjoy your day with the young adults.

Awww, I get this completely @drivinmecrazy
It’s hard to put into words isn’t it

Adults usually buy what they need as they need it, even the ‘young’ adults, but it’s still nice to treat them, especially if they don’t have a lot of spare money to treat themselves.

It’s good that you’ve acknowledged this, and accepted it, and it sounds like you have loads of happy family memories of ‘Christmas past’ and all come together to have a brilliant day - this will still be the same!

I don't think MN is especially about piles of presents, although you do get a lot of threads with the piles of presents crowd vs the it's all about the experience crowd, which often turns into a debate about class in classic MN style

If you want to buy fun things how about buying them for a charity/food bank? You could make a real difference to a family's Christmas.

We had a very difficult conversation with my MIL because of the sheer amount of tat and waste she was getting us for ‘openers’ and, when we had them, the children). We tried to be diplomatic but she just didn’t get it and was mightily offended. Less is more.

Mumsnet is truly a different planet...

So i was a bit like you and went stocking mad for years!!! I am making a conscious effort to scale back. So i bought smaller grown up stockings for dc and partner. In them will be fun chocolate, nice shower gel or smellies, pack of cards or grown up top trump's, hot chocolate, a mini drink and then it is now £150 per dc. I think this is more than enough. We need to move Christmas on to something different for a bit, not lose the magic but make it more adult. The Christmas of old may come back if we have grand children!

OP, I’m 26 and I’m asking for exactly three things for christmas

a Dutch oven
a sourdough book
a pair of thermals

im then just asking for cash if anyone wants to get me anything because I’d rather spend that on experiences than material goods

I remember in my 20s asking for a pair of really good headphones for Christmas. My now husband got me a cheap pair and spent close to £100 on other stuff I didn’t ask for. I would have way preferred that half of that went towards the headphones instead. Sometimes it’s not about coming down to a big pile of gifts, but to get something you really wanted even if it’s cheaper.

I think we’ve all been where you are - but usually when the kids were teens. I miss the years where l’d choose them a new Playmobil set & they’d be over the moon. Then it was Lego.

Just embrace the fact that Christmas Day no longer starts at 4am!

£200 is a lot, most young adults will get far less, stop boasting!

unless I was buying a specific item mine have never had a huge pile of gifts, certainly not past the toddler plastic tat stage, even then I’d buy second hand due to the wastefulness of short lived toys.

This is one of the strangest threads I’ve read in a while😂

yeah you are worrying about nothing. They are adults. They can understand finances. They are also able to work and save up for their own things. £200 is more than what was spent on us as kids.

I get a bottle of fizz ( prosecco or cava) from my dad. i’ve not had expensive presents since i started working.

I don’t understand this mentality. £200 is enough an they are adults and understand the budget is tight and that Christmas is not really about Santa

Spend the £200 getting them nice experiences-a ski lesson at Snow Factor or a hotel stay for a night somewhere nice. They’ll appreciate that more than piles of stuff they don’t really want.

More than okay. Don't beat yourself up OP. My eldest is 19 and has asked for one thing. It only costs £90. So probably all in will roughly be about £200 also. It's one day. Just enjoy it together 😊

I don’t think even smaller kids need loads of presents, especially if it’s tat. Too many presents reduce the meaning of each one and Christmas itself. It sounds more like you are mourning your children’s childhood which is fine but I’d maybe reframe it as a new era with new traditions.

Blimey. People on here are really quite harsh. I love the piles of presents and sod the expense and waste. It looks joyful when we all come downstairs and it’s fun opening them all. The piles change with the ages of the children but even my husband has a nice pile and we spoil each other and enjoy it.

Mine are adults -
DD has a Dec 1st Box (instead of Advent Calendar or Stocking ) with things like skincare , nail polish , hair care etc.
So she has her "pile of presents" and she can use it through December which she prefers to get most benefit from the nice things .

For the Big Day she'll get jeans (Levi) or shoes , so not tat , something she wants .

DS just asks for cash . Job Done

It is different with adult DC but more relaxed .

My dc are getting older now and the youngest is 17.
My eldest has always loved to receive fancy toiletries and new clothes/pjs/pants socks for Christmas because they hate spending their own money on such things 😊
My youngest likes jewellery and theatre tickets 🎟
It's more about getting what a person actually likes/wants/needs than the amount spent or number of presents

The piles of 3for2 bayliss and harding toiletry from boots just end up at charity shops/raffle prizes
We only buy for dc and each other now, aside from my young nephew who loves lego 😊
The Godchildren get cash 💰

Your being ridiculous. Soon as I turned 17 i was lucky if my parents brought me a pair of primark slippers for christmas 🤣 they are old enough not to have £100s spent on them!

I would also urge you to reset your thoughts over what Christmas Day looks like, until now that have enjoyed 24 hours together but time will come when they announce they are going out to see a boyfriend/girlfriend or possibly staying there all Christmas/want them at yours. Start to let go and remember that things involve.

my dc have partners/husbands/fiancee. This year we’ll have at my parents (big house) my eldest plus dh, possibly my youngest without dp and probably my dsd. It’s always fun but varies depending on who makes it, it’s different but life changes

WTF is 'the big pile of presents' all about?

Talk about encouraging greed and entitlement - grim

at this age you can spend less
the older they get, the less you can spend

I think you need to make the mental switch to seeing them as they actually are. They are adults and don’t need a pile of tat. You could buy them a main present and perhaps the rest of the money could be transferred into their savings accounts to help them save for a house deposit? car? business? holiday? uni fund? Much more useful than wasting it on the tat they’ve already told you they don’t want.