Not financially, practically, what can you do to prepare for old age

[Blanketfull]

Or illness?

DH died a long slow death. I cared for him at home until the end. We had some visiting carers but if I hadn't been there he'd have died in an institution, which is what happens for many I guess. However, before that he relied on me a lot for getting to appointments etc. He couldn't have managed in a taxi without help. He wouldn't have been safe at home alone. I doubt he'd have even gone to the hospital the first time, as he was stranded in the bath when things suddenly took a turn for the worse.

My Dad is now in a similar situation. He can manage at home because mum is there and I'm round the corner, he's not so bad he needs to be in a care home, but without mum he probably would be.

I'm a widow and my sons live a distance away. Financially I can pay for what needed, but how do I actually arrange this kind of help, should I need it?

The other thing that really scares me is the idea of being in hospital without anyone to advocate for me. Having seen the way patients without visitors were treated and the way we had to fight for basic care for bith DH and DF. E.g. being told to soil the bed if he really couldn't want for someone to take him to the loo. A patient without the use of his hands being given food and drink but not help to eat/drink it. I know that's not how it should be but I've seen enough to know it often is.

What can I do now to prepare?

Keep fit - choose what you know you will stick at. I use a gym twice a week and garden a lot. A friend walks a lot, another swims. Also follow a good diet - no excess sugar or bad fats. Lots of fruit and vegetables
Ensure you have a friendship group who enjoy the same thing as you so you have something to look forward to each week.
start getting all the jobs done around the house that need doing and make sure it’s suitable if your mobility is restricted as you get older
Live frugally so you have money to spend on what you love most
Keep learning new things, get an Alexa and learn what you can control from your armchair. Keep up to date with current affairs
Get a financial advisor

Forgot- do a will and lasting power of attorneys. Talk to your children about what you want to happen if your health deteriorates

Lovely in theory, and is how I live, but DH was a regular cyclists and ACF volunteer, and Dad, until recently walked everywhere, played golf three times a week and grew more veg than they and their friends could possibly eat.

Mum and Dad's friends have got old at the same time as them (those who are still here).

I'm so sorry about your husband. 💐

For DH and I, (61&57) we’ve given up booze, and are exercising and eating well. Also trying to stay mentally well-exercised and occupied.
We’re very very fortunate that we have a goid savings and investments pot, so may have more options than most if and when we become infirm.

I’d hate more than anything to be in a home. I’ve told the DC to push me off a cliff before that happens. In all seriousness though, it is a possibility. 😒

As part of considering your living space, declutter. This would have made my parents lives easier. Need somewhere with a downstairs loo.

I agree with all the above, especially keeping fit. I would speak to your sons honestly and without laying on guilt or pressure, tell them what you’ve said here. But if I’m honest I share your worry. The chances are I’ll outlive my lovely dh, and who knows where my adult dcs will be living then. I’m sure they would be there for me, but as you say, you need someone to be a constant advocate in hospital to get basic care.

Practically it's about retaining mobility and faculty as long as possible. Eat and sleep well. Maintain a healthy weight and attend health appointments.

Keep alcohol to a minimum, none is best.

Stay social - join hobby groups, exercise classes etc.

Engage in balance exercises - you never lose the ability to improve your balance.

Regularly practice and maintain the ability to get up from the floor - using your own body and preferably not using furniture.

Maintain flexibility.

I am a health professional and I advise not walking on your bones. Bones take time to renew and become fragile with age. Using your muscles to maintain your movement, core tone. Muscles are renewable with protein etc quicker and easier than repairing bone. Watch other people who lock knees and don't use their large leg muscles to walk, or people who pull themselves up on furniture in a cafe - avoid that. If you pick up an injury don't lean into it. Maintain a fluid walking gait and don't limp - it takes its toll on your body.

Keep interested in events - every day is my day, I'm not a fan of the "in my day" mentality.

Learn new things, languages, skills, interests. Suck at new things.

This implies that those with health problems haven't tried hard enough.
My father was as fit as a flea until all of a sudden he wasn't.
Mum was the same. You couldn't meet a more active, social, busy 80 year old. Heart failure wiped all that out.

@Blanketfull There are a couple of things you could do. Make sure you have LPA health. You can appoint several people.
An advance decision is binding on health care professionals, you can for example say that you must not be given treatment if you have lost capacity.

There are companies that do more than physical care, they do companionship, errands etc.

Marking place as looking at the same issues, but worse here as no family to talk to or even put on PoA.

Social services can recommend agencies to provide carers but u need to pay yourself if u have means.

Unfortunately we can’t predict what kind of old age we have. We can only do the best we can to stay healthy. As regards to what will happen if you do get ill, why don’t you write down your what you want to happen if you get ill. I know you can’t cover every circumstances, but enough to give your sons some idea and if they can’t be present all the time they can make you wishes known to whoever is caring for you

Learn new things. Helps with neuroplasticity in the brain. It's like a muscle like any other in your body so the more you use it the stronger you will be.

Puzzles, New language, crafty skill, sport anything new that may feel like a challenge.

Being aware of the aspects of your home that might be difficult or need adjustments, and planning ahead especially if you don’t have a partner around who can just DIY up a solution.

I’ve developed at a young age what I hope will be temporary mobility issues due to cancer treatment. It’s been a real eye opener into how difficult the stairs and the bathrooms and other things in our house are to use when you aren’t fit and healthy. It’s made me really aware of where changes would need to be made because we hope to live in this house a long time.

appointing power of attorney is very important. Full POA, financial and health.

My husband is pushing 80 with a life-limiting illness. We have put money aside for Dignitas, and we campaign for the Right to Die to be legal in the UK.

We have our Wills and POAs, we’ve downsized our house, we work
hard at keeping reasonably fit and active, we have friends and a social life.

And we recognise that, realistically, shedloads of possibilities are out of our control, so don’t stress about it too much.

I’ve worked with thousands of old people and over the years and the biggest thing that can be done is to move out of a big house into somewhere much smaller and manageable.

I have seen so many elderly people in big houses, many of the rooms are cold and unused, often sleeping downstairs as they can’t use stairs. On the other hand the people in the cosy flats seem to have a higher quality of life.

Brain health- challenge yourself daily to learn new things/ exercise your brain, eat a lot of fish!!!

As others said about keeping active- I can practically pinpoint the day my mum started losing her mobility- she said she wasn’t in the humour to go for a walk, it was all getting too tiring- hip, knees and back went fairly quickly

If I can afford it I want to move into a retirement village.

I think trying to maintain mobility is really important and I do appreciate that illness or injury can make that difficult at the drop of a hat.

But building little things into your life like sit on the floor every day, even if just briefly, because then you can get up off the floor. Stand on one foot when brushing your teeth.

I’ve told Dh when our current dog dies I’ll have to get another small dog quite quickly to ensure I keep going out walking every day.

I used to think this but they can become unsuitable once you start to need care.

All these things are great advice. But dont deal with the issue of what happens when/if you become ill. Your point about advocacy in hospital is so valid. It is also a worry of mine.
My FIL eats and drinks nothing during hospital stays. Because no one takes the time to help him. We live 5 hours away.
We can't 'healthy lifestyle' our way out of all illness, accident etc. Yes we can mitigate the risks, but however healthy your lifestyle illness can still happen.
Its so important to speak to the DC. And get LPAs in place.
I have also thought about the old fashioned 'companion' that older single ladies used to have. A younger woman who lived in and cared. This would be my ideal. But goodness knows how one would sort this in today's world.... but if one has the money, maybe this is an option.
And also I would suggest down sizing, into one level accomodation. My DM moved to an assisted living place, with care on site as needed (for a price) but these sorts of buildings haven't worked out well due to rubbish operators and spiralling service charges. I think I would prefer a bungalow. In a town or village, walkable/with bus routes to amenities.

Also downsizing isn't necessarily the answer. My neighbours have live in carers (so need space for them) and when family live away you need somewhere for them to stay, or they won't/can't visit.

much as others have said

I'd say get/keep fit so you're well for as long as possible. You can't control for every injury or illness, but it's always better to have some baseline fitness.

Downsize sooner rather than later, and ensure you move somewhere within shuffling distance of shops, cafes etc, or at least near a bus stop, so you don't end up isolated if you can't drive anymore. I totally intend to buy my 'last' place on or next to a high street, the last thing I would want is a quiet street miles from any shops and services. As poster above says, still keep a spare bedroom as a carer may have be required some time.

Keep learning.

Get POA in - my parents did a few a years ago.

• Get a RESPECT form sorted.
• Talk through with your next of kim so they COMPLETELY understand your wishes.
• Sling a copy in your GPs direction.
• Double check it's on your hospital EVERY SINGLE TIME
• Organise POA for health and for finances (they don't need to be the same people?- Allocate money for funeral and be directive of you want it to (Abide with me, or Bat Out Of Hell?

Read the book about Swedish Death Cleaning. They're is a prompt/prep book on Amazon about this... think it's called "So I'm fucking dead" with details such as who to inform. I didn't buy it as I saw no reason for such ghastly language. But worth a thought.

Wills obviously.

This is controversial but only the other day I was googling Dignitas. I have been a carer. I have just about everything in place that has been suggested above, already.