How do I not have the biggest ever fall out with my cousin

[thetallfairy]

Hello all

I'm in such a pickle

D dad passed away a few years ago

We inherited his 100 acre farm
Cows and lots of sheds

My two sisters and I are clueless
Never had money
We know nothing about what to do really

So I asked my cousin if he was interested in some land
This land is in a great area good quality
I got it valued
He offered half the price it was valued at
Didn't want a fight I said ok if that's all you have

He came to me a few months later with 1/3 of the price he offered
Paltry amount

This was 18 months ago
Since then he has been making changes to this area of land
It's obv not his
So I messaged him
Told him the final amount is now due

Nada

No word
No mention

Wtaf

So
I am trying to muster the courage to hand the money back and say we have now changed our minds

My sis thinks I'm over reacting

I think he's a cheeky so and so

But we all have n bloody clue

She thinks there will be a huge row now

Aghhhhhhhjhhhhhhhhh

Seriously this is like some farce. Why the fuck don’t you get legal advice. Stupid on stupid the lot of you.

Put the land up for sale on the commercial market. Tell him you’re only taking it off when either he or someone else pays up.

Argh you cancelled the solicitor appointment!

Go and see the solicitor!

Why did you cancel the appointment with the solicitor? Even if you decide to sell the land at a huge discount to your robbing cousin you will need a solicitor to legally transfer the title. Legal advice will cost you much less than your cousin is prepared to rip you off.

This can’t be real.

“valuation is £200k”
”oh I will give you £100k”
”ok then”
”actually I will give you £50k. Here’s a hundred quid. Now I’ll do what the fuck I like”

And you agreed to this?!!

@thetallfairy

You need to rebook the solicitor ASAP and this time keep your mouth shut about it. Your wider family doesn't need to know that you're seeking advice.

Because at this point all you're doing IS seeking advice. Just because one sees a solicitor that doesn't mean that one is going to 'do anything'. What you need to do now is to educate yourself as to your (and cousin's) legal position. And the sooner the better. Once you know that, then you'll know if you can 'deal' with cousin yourself or if you do need to take some type of legal action to protect that piece of property.

Again, do NOT tell the wider family that you're seeing a solicitor. Go, get knowledge and advice, take time to digest it unless you're convinced of the need for urgent action, then decide the best route for you to take.

Have you read the hundreds of replies people have taken the time to write, giving you, for the most part, solid advice? A solicitor replied upthread and told you not to contact your cousin at all and do not return the money. Take heed!

This is Northern Ireland, this man is playing you for a fool. Stop being that fool and tell your sisters the same! Agricultural land, particularly good land, is golddust.

Monday morning, ring that solicitor back, get an appointment and go to it. Do not tell your siblings if you think they will talk you out of it again. Take notes, write everything down. If you don’t understand something, ask the solicitor to explain. I’m guessing the land is worth an absolute fortune and if there’s a family fallout, so be it. It’s your land, your Dad worked it … honour his memory and reclaim it. And, do not break the farm up unless an EA advises it.

Please, please listen to all the advice on this thread.

Who is running the farm in the meantime?
Buying feed etc for the cattle?
Paying wages? Maintaining buildings?
Could he counter claim for this?

If he was given cattle , they have quite a high
Value currently, younger cattle of decent beef breeds high hundreds older cattle 1k plus each
Used machinery values have rocketed since the pandemic. If you wanted to retain ownership for future generations you could let it on a fixed term business tenancy. Involve a independent land agent who is not pally with your cousin. Be interesting to know more about the stock etc. Good luck

Why are you worried about falling out with someone who is trying to rob you and your sisters?

BOOK THE SOLICITOR APPT AGAIN. You need the solicitor to sell the property. Do not sell to dickwad. When your family say ‘but he’s family’ you say oh are family people that cheat each other now? He’s not my family, he’s scum who preys on vulnerable women.

You all sound completely idiotic

Get some legal advice pronto

Well yes and also you need to find out if there could be things like tax implications for selling lower than market value

Please don't listen to your sisters' idiotic advice to wait and see. There is literally nothing to be gained by that. I am seriously worried that your cousin may have forged your signatures on a land transfer or taken other action to steal from you, and the sooner you get someone who will investigate properly and tell you what your rights are and your legal position is, the better.

This is utter madness. Why are you indulging it? It’s like compounding stupid on stupid frankly.

Just see the solicitor. Absolutely nothing stopping you from getting independent advice separate from the rest of your family. Otherwise, this will drag on for a decade and you will be giving the same update here for goodness sake.

Too funny OP, excellent thread😂

I didn't say it was? I gave those as maths examples to show how he was trying to get it for a steal.

Meet with the solicitor and get her to write to your cousin stating that his deposit will be returned to him as he has not proceeded with the purchase. She'll advise on how to remove him from your land.

Then find an estate agent who deals with land sales in your area and sell it.

If you don't have the spine to stand up to a thief, you'll just have to accept your property has been stolen.

Oh dear God! Why did you cancel the solicitor?? This is important. Rebook the appointment, go and see them, and put everything in their hands. When a family member says something or asks a question refer them to your solicitor. You still own the land and have been very generous letting your cousin farm there for free. He does not own the land but has been making money from it.

Ask the solicitor what to do about the cash in an envelope before you do anything with it. Put everything in their hands. You are very clearly not equipped to handle this situation without being totally ripped off. The farm should be sold on the open market - your cousin will have the opportunity to buy it then.

Get solicitor to write to him saying you wish to return his refundable deposit as he's not fulfilled his part of the agreement by paying tge balance within the agreed time frame.

Just stick to your guns!

Worrying about a fallout with this relative is the least if your worries here. Urgently seek a solicitor and make sure you put things straight with this liberty taker. Who needs relatives like him?. Good luck.

I'd look at it this way. Your poor DDad! He wanted you and your sisters to have the land. Not because he necessarily expected you to take on a farming life, but because he wanted to provide something to help you all in the future.

If I'd worked hard all my life and left money or land to my children, I hope they wouldn't blow it on something silly, but use it wisely to improve their futures.

While it might have been nice to keep the land in the family, I can't possibly imagine that this is what your DD would have wanted. Surely he'd want you to get a fair price and think that your cousin is being the worst possible form of CF.

Get a solicitor, have the land valued and put it up for sale. If your cousin wants to pay market price, fine, otherwise it should be sold to whoever is happy to pay the most.

If this causes a fight you might want to just keep reminding your cousin that he's insulting the memory of your father by trying to rip off his own family.

Once the money is split three ways, use it wisely. If you're not good with money, get some financial advice. I don't know how much the land is worth, but it sounds like it could be enough for a deposit on a home. If it's less, then you at the very least want to invest it well.

Please don't waste the legacy your father has left you.

If you are concerned about the particular solicitor knowing your family already, or you feel they are too close to the situation in some way, go elsewhere. Travel to Belfast or another town and see a solicitor who is not involved with your family or land. Go on your own without your sisters if necessary, and don't tell wider family. You are getting legal information at this stage, no one needs to know your business about that.
Please grow up.

And I was giving a more realistic example to show the extent of the steal.

I wouldn’t refer to the money as a deposit in writing especially not from a lawyer. It’s a random sum of money he gave her that has no relationship to the amount she asked for. There’s no legal offer of sale and no sale contract. Just a cousin who’s a nasty thief who preys on vulnerable women and tells them they owe it to their family to be stolen from.